Really missing her.

[LondonWater]

I was with my ex for about 4 years. She took care of me every single one of those days, and allowed me to work on my music. I worked sometimes during the winter seasonally and I made money during the summer working for my uncle. It was all very sparatic and not a lot of money was made by me. We had an amazing connection. I never really looked at it that way. I mean I did, but time seemed to steer me toward forgetting. I'm now going on one month no contact. I have a real job. Been working out, meditating, going out with friends. I dj, so I meet women frequently. I have a big ego, well, maybe not so much anymore. I have tried to humble myself over the past couple years or so. Idk. My question is this. When she broke it off with me, or when I broke it off with her.. I'm really not sure exactly how it went down. I just don't remember.. I know she said that she had been thinking about breaking up with me for a while so it felt like she broke up with me. I did catch her sexting with some dj in another nearby state, so I guess I innetiated the breakup by flipping out about that whole deal. Anyway. My question, is it normal to want to get back with someone who basically cheated on you? I have tried everything at this point. I was talking to who I think is the most beautiful girl on my fb. She's absolutely stunning, smart, and I had almost everything I brought up in common with her. When it came time to pull the trigger and go visit this lovely girl, I jus couldn't bring myself to do it. I miss my ex, and I sort of hurt this new girl by leading her on (by accident). Now I don't dare to get involved or go out on dates because I know in my heart that there is only one girl on this planet that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have hardly even spent one day without my ex, up until the past three months. Feels lime it's been forever. I know myself. I have been through this before and everytime it happens, I give up. I move on and yes I end up happy again. This time I don't want to though. I was thinking of marrying this woman when all this happened. Took me forever to even consider it too. Life's so strange. I just hope she's okay. On the bright side, I have grown a lot and I'm learning to take responsability for my mistakes I stead of making excuses. Paying my own way. I owe her a lot of money for taking care of me for so long. Was thinking, I should do the right thing and start sending her a chunk of money every week? Seems like the right thing to do anyway. Maybe keep the nc thing going, but jus send a check in the mail with no letter, when I can afford to.

[Kenji]

Be true to yourself. Why do you want to send her money? Is it so that you can keep in yourself in her thoughts? If so, I would try not to do it. I know that it is tempting. We naturally do whatever we can to keep them from forgetting about us.

 

Move on at your own pace, but you will accomplish it if you work hard. Believe in your strengths. Sense is useless in the expression of love. It's normal to want your partner back even after they have hurt you. It doesn't make sense, but love is like that. Give it time, and you will find someone else you can love. I know that's the last thing you want to hear. You feel like you don't want anything else. You feel like you just want her. In time, this will pass. They say that you never know what you've got until you've lost it. But sometimes you don't know what you want until you get it.