FitChick Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Read the book "How to Marry the Man of Your Choice" by Margaret Kent. It's been around a long time and she says some very different things than most of those types of books. You may not agree with some of it but you will get a lot of insight into your own behavior.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) I am kind of in a same situation but in my case I DO know that I pick the wrong men. I have followed their lives on Facebook, and they are all still single, or their lives have become train wrecks (one is in treatment for the alcohol addiction, another fathered 2 kids to 2 diff women as results of flings :S). Actually, not one is married or even settled in a LTR. That includes my first ever high school boyfriend. Oh and one came out as gay :/ Just to add that I have tried dating stable, rational guys with no issues. But I always feel like something is missing. They don't get my emotional/dark side and I crave to connect to someone more deeply, not just to pretend to be "normal" as society defines it. Inevitably, psychologically I am drawn to guys with issues, guys that are a bit edgy and dark, and they are rarely healthy relationship material. Edited March 16, 2013 by Eternal Sunshine 2
Revolver Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I can understand when a woman picks "bad guys" in HS or college. I mean that's her first real experiences with guys on that level and she's bound to make mistakes. The vast majority of "I made a mistake sleeping with that guy" stories women tell happen between the ages of 17-22, and I think it's understandable to an extent. But after that? Late 20' and 30's still picking "the wrong men"? I think thats when you have to evaluate what exactly your doing wrong
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'm not sure why I'm the way I am. For a long time I don't think I was truly emotionally available after some past trauma and acting accordingly, to ensure I kept men at a distance. These days I do feel ready to be in a serious relationship but I am probably more scared than average to be truly hurt. No one wants to get hurt, but taking that risk is the only way to find happiness and a life partner. Have you considered counseling to work through some of these issues? They seem to be holding you back despite your best intentions. 1
Radu Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 But those same guys treat other women differently. That's because those same women don't allow themselves to be taken for a ride. I've read your other thread, the one that got deleted, and what i perceived was that you were putting too much into relationships. Stay with me on this one ... You can't have more than 100% of something. That's how it is in relationships, some ppl put in 90% while the others put less, and some ppl go for 50-50 ... they'll never achieve it but they know that they have to keep it around there so they keep trying. It seems to me that your present relationship is one where you do all the work. From a guy's perspective, to me this would feel like being with someone who was very very very easy to be in a relationship with, which kinda goes well with your description of him, don't you think ? In your other thread you said that the thought of moving in with your present beau made you vomit, and you just couldn't picture him living with you in the suburbs, having kids, white picket fence ... etc. I think the reason for this, was his lack of drive. You basically said he is a laissez-faire kind of guy. While those guys may be nice, good guys [if they are good], and will most likely never die of stress, it sounds to me that you do not see him as manly because he is just so damn lazy. I think you need someone who can challenge you, and who will treat you right. In regards to this guy you are currently seeing, he is taking you for an emotional ride ... he will never change. Ppl do not change when pressured and never to such an incredible degree. For change to happen you need motivation, and you will not provide that motivation in a relationship with him. Why are you with him ? Is it because you are scared you will do worse than him ?
Noproblem Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Try again and stop feeling unlovable Hey you are a successful nice looking human being of course you'll find it hard to get true love easily Try again and again, until you find the one and change something about your previous attitude..... bring a paper and list all the things you did and they did and you'll figure something..... Don't be so easy and don't be so hard Don't be so needy and don't be so independent Don't be so funny and don't be so serious You know something in between and get yourself pets, it will make you feel less lonely adopt them because if you don't adopt them, they will put them to sleep at the shelters as nobody love them enough to adopt them ....You know the abandoned pets feelings, so adopt them to make them feel loved
outsidethebox Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 yes, I can tell you from looking at mature women profiles for the last few months that they all have large collections of cats and dogs. Definitely has something to do with being a woman. 1
Giraffe1 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 My biggest word of advice here, stop being in competition with everyone else and comparing your life to their life. The only person you should compete against is yourself! You are the only person you can control so focus on that. I think your desperation is coming across to men and turning them off. Live in the moment and stop fixating on the future and things and people you can't control. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I feel unloved and unloveable. What am I missing that inspires romance in men? ROMANTIC men.
El Brujo Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I feel unloved and unloveable. What am I missing that inspires romance in men? Sounds to me like if you're hung up on tradition, get over it. You're missing the willpower to go out and pursue instead of waiting for Prince Charming to come along. It helps if you know what you're looking for in a guy, though.
Scarlett5 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Lucy I have very similar issues to you...really the only difference being that I've never had a long term relationship. I don't do the chasing and as soon as I feel as though I'm being taken for granted, or that he isn't that into me, I take a huge step back. But I believe up to that point we probably share some very similar relationship traits. I also don't seem great at the whole emotional intimacy thing, althouh I'd love to change this. I think it all comes down to self belief, and what you feel you deserve. Originating from childhood usually I'm aware of my 'issues' and mostly why I am the way I am....but I don't have a clue how to change it? What are you planning on doing to move forward? Do you feel trapped, in a way? I've got to the point now where I'd love a bf, but I really don't trust my man 'picker' or the subconscious vibes I'm sending out. I always find myself wandering down the wrong path despite my best efforts.
apple OR orange Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I have a good job, am fit, don't drink too much nowadays, and I think I can be pretty funny. You current situation confirms 1 or more of the points above is wrong.
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