Author RiceaRoni Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 I'm in my 20's and I think to an extent we're all like that, so if you can relate to some common personality traits I mentioned don't worry.. its normal. Another thing, maybe you should look at older guys. I don't mean really old, I mean 20 or low 20's. You seem a bit more grown up than most people your age and dating someone younger would just exaggerate it. Also, just know that your pain, your feelings of anger, remorse, longing etc are all completely normal. But also try and disconnect between the rationality of the situation and what your hormones are telling you. The guy treated you bad, its over, you should stop thinking about him. But remember, most of our personality traits are evolutionary traits. Back in the wild the animals that survived are the ones that banded with other animals and worked as a team, therefore those animals survived, bred, raised kids and the kids had those traits in them. The creatures that were more 'lone wolf' became extinct, and their evolutionary path ended, so in many ways we as we are are the product of hundreds of millions of years of evolution so that our animal minds will give us literal physical pain to keep us with our partner, for our own good. It is not something we can control, its as automatic as the desire for sleep. Why am I telling you all this? Its because at your age its probably your first big breakup, and it hurts, it hurts bad. You feel down and you have all these feelings for longing and desire attacking you from every which direction and they make you want to go back to your partner, because that is how we as humans and the creatures we were before humans came to be, its how they survived and we can't throw away those aspects of ourself. But unlike animals humans also have the logical part of our brains that we can use to override the emotions, not always, and it doesn't always work, but just recognize that the feelings you feel of anger, jealousy, betrayal, longing etc they don't matter. All that matters is you are done with this guy, and thats whats happening. The rest is just pointless. Yeah this was my first big break up. Although he just gave me excuses as to why he left, I know it hurt him too. He would get mixed feelings and feel sad like me, but it never brought him back. And while he was still grieving our RS he was with his new gf and she was upset and became suspicious that he still loved me, but she didn't break up with him. I haven't really looked at guys older than me lol mostly because I don't know any guys older than me haha. I do see some at the local college I go to, but they're all taken :/ so I'm just waiting for a nice guy to come along no rush. But I do understand what you're saying about everything. He and I need to grow and he does need to figure out what he wants. I remember telling him those exact words.
Thunderchild Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Your ex being with someone else always hurts, but the pain can in many ways help you move on. I think whats most important is even if they were a **** of a person to you to forgive them and rise above it. Don't sit there looking for excuses to be mad at them, just accept "They done what they needed to do at this point in their life to make themselves happy" be happy for them and move on with things. Yep - understand that they were selfish so-and-so's and didn't give a sh*t about you. Move on, forget them - and do better for yourself next time. 1
Coping Vortex Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Do people who usually leave you for another end up regretting at all? Or feeling any remorse? In a word no. Not unless their new person rejects them. 1
Coping Vortex Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 RR, one thing I can tell you is that a person that feels the need to relationship hop (i'm talking days and weeks here, I think a few months is usually plenty of time to be ready to move on, but I mean the ones who have someone else a WEEK later and stuff like that) usually have internal problems with self esteem and self worth so that they cannot be alone simply out of self neglect. Exactly my ex. Severe low self esteem.
hello1990 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Yeah this was my first big break up. Although he just gave me excuses as to why he left, I know it hurt him too. He would get mixed feelings and feel sad like me, but it never brought him back. And while he was still grieving our RS he was with his new gf and she was upset and became suspicious that he still loved me, but she didn't break up with him. I haven't really looked at guys older than me lol mostly because I don't know any guys older than me haha. I do see some at the local college I go to, but they're all taken :/ so I'm just waiting for a nice guy to come along no rush. But I do understand what you're saying about everything. He and I need to grow and he does need to figure out what he wants. I remember telling him those exact words. Rude question here, but are you good looking at all? If you are, don't worry, you'll find it easy at College
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Rude question here, but are you good looking at all? If you are, don't worry, you'll find it easy at College Lol wtf. Who would say no to that question! And just because someone is good looking does not make it easy. Not even close!! In finding dates that u actually want to go on or getting past a breakup. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Lol wtf. Who would say no to that question! And just because someone is good looking does not make it easy. Not even close!! In finding dates that u actually want to go on or getting past a breakup. Lol xD exactly. After my BU there were some guys interested, but I had to turn them down. I was such a mess and didn't feel like going on dates. My friends had some guy friends they wanted me to meet lol. As of now. I'm in no hurry to. Date again. I'm just going with the flow and making the best out of being single
hello1990 Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Lol wtf. Who would say no to that question! And just because someone is good looking does not make it easy. Not even close!! In finding dates that u actually want to go on or getting past a breakup. Yeah it was a rude thing to say :/ I'm just trying to convey, she will have LOTS of choice of guys to date in college. It is basically the perfect place to meet people, you have almost endless choice. She probably feels like it will be hard at the moment, but really it isn't at all. Shes in her dating prime and won't have any trouble moving forward, even if it doesn't seem like it now. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 In a word no. Not unless their new person rejects them. That's what I was afraid to hear... My ex's pride and ego is so massive. I doubt he ever let it go. Only if his new gf dumping him could I ever see him coming back and that's a huge NO for me. Don't use me as a rebound ever.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Yeah it was a rude thing to say :/ I'm just trying to convey, she will have LOTS of choice of guys to date in college. It is basically the perfect place to meet people, you have almost endless choice. She probably feels like it will be hard at the moment, but really it isn't at all. Shes in her dating prime and won't have any trouble moving forward, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Lol it's okay. Like I said guys were interested after the BU, but I was too hurt and too much of an emotional mess lol I also don't want to date yet because planning to transfer in about a year or so.
Coping Vortex Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I'm sorry :/ it's a sign we both deserve a hell of a lot better We do. I never suspected her being attracted to anyone else so soon. She was so in love with me. But she has low self esteem. Caused her to crave attention. This guy was in the right place at the right time. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 We do. I never suspected her being attracted to anyone else so soon. She was so in love with me. But she has low self esteem. Caused her to crave attention. This guy was in the right place at the right time. Same thing with me... I guess while he broke up with me and was trying to get over our BU it's like how new gf knew when he was going to break up with me...because she had written him a letter and everything asking if they could talk and so on. It irritates me that she was able to win him over like that. I expected he would decline her offer because we had just broke up, but I was wrong. I don't know about this girl he's with. I get a bad feeling about her for some reason, almost like I know she'd leave him. Then again who knows. I'll never know if that was her plan all along. I don't know if she knew him before our BU or if she liked him, etc. I just don't like her lol, which I think is natural.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 you know...I just thought of something... I think I was strung along for awhile as well... fool. He said he wanted a "break" which I now know usually means there's someone else. He asked me for space and I told him when he was ready he knew where to find me. Well a week passed and I went up to him asking if he was ready and he said no. another week passed and I asked him if this was temporary or permanent.. he said permanent...next 2 weeks or so..he gets with new gf.. during the time of giving him space he would sometimes text me saying i was beautiful or liking my instagram pictures...
flitzanu Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 If anyone has read my post about my break up 'First Time Dumpee', the other day I was thinking about the month before our break and one month after..I have a feeling he left me for the girl he's with now. After he broke up with me he waited about 3-4 weeks to get with her and 5 months later they are still together. I know she cheated emotionally on her ex, and as for him a friend of mine told me he met her around the time nearing our break up. I feel like she left her ex for him and he left me for her... I know it shouldn't matter anymore..since it's been about 5/6 months, but it was just a thought and I couldn't understand how he moved on so fast. And sadly I still have feelings for him...even though I don't want to...everyday I try to remind myself of all the horrible things he did to me to help me get over him, but in the end..I end up missing him, and despise the fact he can love someone else and plan a future with her so quickly and easily..the same goes for her (marriage, children, etc.) (and they're only 15/16 years old)....it bothers me...and then i wonder if he ever loved me at all he moved on so quickly because he made up his mind long before you actually knew he wanted to break up with you to pursue other options. 1
Coping Vortex Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 you know...I just thought of something... I think I was strung along for awhile as well... fool. He said he wanted a "break" which I now know usually means there's someone else. He asked me for space and I told him when he was ready he knew where to find me. Well a week passed and I went up to him asking if he was ready and he said no. another week passed and I asked him if this was temporary or permanent.. he said permanent...next 2 weeks or so..he gets with new gf.. during the time of giving him space he would sometimes text me saying i was beautiful or liking my instagram pictures... Yes Rice. It was a new girl. Absolutely. A break is their out to try on a new relationship. It's an excuse. The break never ends and becomes a bu. it was the exact same saying and thought process from my ex. Funny how they all pull the same things. Just know e was asking to her before. Which is a betrayal in its own right.
Kobe2345 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 (edited) hey! been reading your posts, its sucks to be dumped for someone else.... im pretty sure u read my thread? i remember u liking one of my posts somewhere i think? anyways yeah all those BS lies, blame game, and the betrayal just sickens me, i don't know where i'm heading in life, i need time for myself.... blah blah, honestly it sucks to find out the truth later and its sucks even more to find out their all happy and has moved on with their new partner.... To be quite honest, i went through 5 weeks of living hell, i had no motivation to do anything and i probably failed my classes, all i thought about was my ex.. lol but hey cheer up, if he doesn't respect u and the relationship u guys had, then u don't need to respect him lol... simple as that... Edited March 21, 2013 by Kobe2345
Recommended Posts