shatteredworld Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) I'm not a complete wreck over the break up and cheating anymore, and by that I mean I'm not constantly crying and I see a future. I just feel so empty now and every day feels like a week. I feel like I'm just constantly going through the motions and I'm not really living. I have no friends, no hobbies.. nothing. My ex was the most important person, he was my world and then he cheated. I loved him so much and life without him is just so empty. I'm so lonely and depressed. My entire world is gone and I'm trying so hard to keep positive and look forward to everything but then I keep on being reminded of how alone I am. How long does it take to start to accept that I'm alone? Cause being alone is not a place I ever wanted to come back to.. He was my first boyfriend, and the entire time I was single before him I was depressed and lonely. I can't believe I have to do it all over again, being single is just not for me. I can't appreciate this opportunity like most people can I guess. Edited March 15, 2013 by shatteredworld 2
Melrapuo Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I've been through what you're going through. And I was also depressed before I finally dated someone. But you're now presented with the opportunity to work on yourself and your depression. You can't be happy with someone if you're not happy with yourself. Believe me. It gets better with time if you let it. 2
iKING Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You may not like this advice but here it goes. I've been where you're at. Every now and again I'm still where you're at. The ways I've learned to overcome it is actually much simpler then it may seem. Self-help books, councillors, they're great for self improvement and to get things off your chest. But they don't get to the root of the problem. The root of the problem lies within. You can cover up the symptoms, but eventually the problem will come back to haunt. Learn to let go. Take a deep breath. Emotions come and go like waves, if you cling to them, It's bound to cause suffering. Know that there are people who love and care about you. The world can be a nightmare or a wonderful dream, and anything in-between. If I could help you, I would. It really is a shame to hear of what you're going through and It's my job to try to help. Things will be brighter. The sun shines every day, and the darkness overcomes every night. This is life too. It's ups and downs, flux and flow. Don't forget to appreciate just being alive. Being able to watch a sunrise and relax. Enjoy the ups, the downs, the arounds, everything. The world doesn't have to be viewed through darkness, especially not all the time. Chin up, alright? Keep a smile on your face as much as you can. And if you need a friend, I'm here for you. I may be a random person, but I care about people and hate to see anyone down. If you need to talk, you know where to find me. 5
denxnis Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You need to be comfortable with yourself - only then will you have a happy long-lasting relationship. If you treat your significant other like a crutch eventually he will get tired of holding you up and the same thing will happen. Learn to be happy being single, don't rely on others to do that for you. Join a gym, improve your complexion, whiten your teeth, read a book at a coffee shop, get a dog and walk it, and just try enjoying life as a single person. At the risk of sounding like a hippy believe me when I say once you're happy with yourself others will migrate towards your positive energy and you will soon find yourself in an even better relationship. 4
RiceaRoni Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I went through the same emotions after my first bf left me... I'm still getting over our break, but each day gets a lot easier look at everything positive about yourself.. every time you start to think of him..thing of all the negatives he brought to you, and it helps to yell out NEXT! or NO! or whatever you can think of haha. What also helped me was watching comedy movies and shows to get me to laugh and it did help me to not think of him.. or you can join a fun class and meet people...it helps play video games, paint, sing out loud, dance, cook, clean, really anything you can do 2
RiceaRoni Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Oh and as time passes and you start to feel better...you might even enjoy being single for a while..even though I miss my ex and wish we were still together...I have learned so much about myself, and at times i actually do enjoy feeling single..no commitments, to stress, no having to argue..you are FREE! haha so enjoy it 2
Author shatteredworld Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 I get what you are all saying, I just don't have any desire to be "free" or do any of those things. I honestly see no positives about being single, I've been doing all the things I should be doing but that's just been so maybe I can get my mind off of it but that doesn't work either. Every day I wake up and realize all over again that the one person who ever made me happy and happy I never killed myself is gone. Now I feel like I'm back to square one and it's a place I don't want to me.
RiceaRoni Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I get what you are all saying, I just don't have any desire to be "free" or do any of those things. I honestly see no positives about being single, I've been doing all the things I should be doing but that's just been so maybe I can get my mind off of it but that doesn't work either. Every day I wake up and realize all over again that the one person who ever made me happy and happy I never killed myself is gone. Now I feel like I'm back to square one and it's a place I don't want to me. Then let it all out. Grieve. You must. And as everyday passes the grieving will lighten up and you will begin to feel happy again. Time heals all wounds. My father kept telling me that, and after hearing that I thought "yeah right", but here I am 5/6 month post BU and I DO feel a lot better still not completely healed, but a hell of a lot better. If I can get through it you will too Here is sort of an exercise I read somewhere where you can grieve yet continue to move on: On the days you are grieving cry/grieve for about a half hour or hour no longer than that! And then after that go do something to get your mind off of the BU. push yourself and be happy! Spend as much time as possible trying to stay happy. Then if you still feel you need to grieve or cry. Do it; but only do it for a shorter amount of time 20-30mins then go back to doing something happy. It might be difficult to do this because really all you want to do is cry and grieve, but don't make my same mistakes...I would go on days not doing anything but crying and grieving, and I missed out on so much. It's okay to cry and feel sad just don't do it all day. Push yourself. It's like trying to lose those last few pounds before looking like a model lol
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