Two month trip abroad with ex bf

[bluel0tus]

Ok, so, I got a scholarship to study abroad this summer for two months. My ex boyfriend applied to the same program. He just called me to tell me that he is going to do it. He did not say anything about his feelings for me or about our relationship. I did not say anything about my feelings for him. We just talked about school, jobs, and other non-relationship-related matters. I don't know what to do.

 

Let's call him Z. Z and I had a 2.5 year relationship and have known each other for over 10 years. We broke up over 6 months ago (he broke up with me; it was not mutual, I did not want to break up; we tried to be "friends" for a while, but then I cut off all communication), have not talked on the phone for about 4 months, and had no communication at all for the past 2 months, up until 4 days ago when I sent him a one-liner email about my decision to go on the program. He emailed me one line back how he wasn't going to go on the program. I emailed him back saying I didn't care whether or not he came on the program. Then I emailed him again one line that I thought that the trip would be fun and he should come. then he emailed me back saying that he couldn't go. Then he called me today to tell me that indeed he IS going on the program. And he turned down a potential JOB to go on this two month program.

 

He was my first real love. We lived together for a year. I still have feelings for him. I still dream about Z, think about Z, and day dream about getting back together. I still go on his facebook page almost everyday. I'm obsessed with him (I think it's because I cannot control him; control is a big thing for me and I think because of the fact that I cannot control him [he is very stubborn] is one reason I have not yet been able to let go of him) But when I heard him talk on the phone, all the memories came flooding back of how negative and depressing he is about everything and everyone. He thinks the worst of all human beings, even me. He has no problem throwing out a curse word at a stranger. When we talked on the phone just now, I remembered how mean and controlling he could be. Only now after being away from him do I feel that I am beginning to recover the pieces of my personality. I have changed a lot from our relationship; Z changed me. He controlled me.

 

So I don't know what is going to happen; I don't plan on living with him for those two months. I'm planning to have a female roommate or no roommate. He has not mentioned ANYTHING about his feelings for me (then again, he has never been one to reveal his feelings verbally; he often reveals his feelings through action, which is why I think by the very fact he turned down a job to go on this two month program may imply that he is interested in being with me, but I am not going to assume anything). Even though I still think I'm in love with him, I have not mentioned my feelings for him and do not plan on doing so. I'm not even sure if I would want to get together with him again. I'm half-hoping to fall in love again with him, but I definitely feel cautious about getting involved with him again. I am definitely excited to see what will happen when we are abroad together.

 

So does anyone have any opinions/comments on this? I'm definitely going on the program - it is important for my career. I'm not sure what my ex's intentions are, but I am excited to see what will happen.

[bluel0tus]

Also, I forgot to add that he cheated on me towards the end of our relationship.

[Treasa]

Wow, I'm sorry he's going to be around to dampen your experience!

 

Where are you going? I love traveling too much to care about who else is there.

 

Make some friends early on and hang out with them and ignore your ex. Enjoy your experience!

[bluel0tus]

I'm going to India! I'm really excited - I went once before and had a great time. I've emailed a girl who I know is also going, so hopefully we can be roommates/biffles and I can ignore my ex.