What do guys who arent "ready to commit" do after they are?

[strongerthancoffee]

So do guys (or girls) who end a relationship because they arent ready for one go back to their exes once they are? or when they feel ready do they go look for new people? thoughts? personal experiences?

 

yeah so in my case when my boyfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago, he said that his feelings for me just sort of faded and that he also wasnt ready to commit to a relationship (it was the first time for both of us, we are senior/junior in highschool only). he also insisted it was nothing on my side or my doing that was causing him to do this. So the question is, if he isnt ready to commit now, when he is will he give this a second shot? or will he find someone new?

 

i do believe our relationship is over at the moment and he still stands by what he says, but once he does "feel ready to commit", whether that be later this year or when he goes to college next year, im wondering about the time when he feels likes hes ready, if hell go back to me because hes finally ready or just say screw it im going for someone new

[shatteredworld]

So do guys (or girls) who end a relationship because they arent ready for one go back to their exes once they are? or when they feel ready do they go look for new people? thoughts? personal experiences?

 

yeah so in my case when my boyfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago, he said that his feelings for me just sort of faded and that he also wasnt ready to commit to a relationship (it was the first time for both of us, we are senior/junior in highschool only). he also insisted it was nothing on my side or my doing that was causing him to do this. So the question is, if he isnt ready to commit now, when he is will he give this a second shot? or will he find someone new?

 

i do believe our relationship is over at the moment and he still stands by what he says, but once he does "feel ready to commit", whether that be later this year or when he goes to college next year, im wondering about the time when he feels likes hes ready, if hell go back to me because hes finally ready or just say screw it im going for someone new

 

 

You guys are still young, and he will still be young for many years.. probably until he's 25! Meaning he will want to be "free" for awhile. There are always the exceptions, but generally no guy wants to commit when they're young.

 

I'm going through a similar situation, well the part where I want to get back with someone in the future when they're ready. But it occurred to me that waiting for someone is not the answer. You never know if he will be ready, and you don't want to waste your time on someone who clearly wouldn't be worth your time.

 

My advice? Move on, get through the break up and then find someone new. As I said you don't want to waste your time no matter what, especially if he's never ready. And if he is ready someday you will be able to make the choice if you still want to be with him. There's no point in sitting around waiting for someone when you could be finding happiness elsewhere.

 

I don't have experiences about whether or not he would come back to you, or other people. So just move on!

[CorridorE]

I'm wondering the same thing because my ex and I broke up for similar reasons, however he is 20. I'm trying to move on while still staying open to the idea of him coming back someday after he's done some growing because I think we had something special.

[LostOne1]

I'm wondering the same thing because my ex and I broke up for similar reasons, however he is 20. I'm trying to move on while still staying open to the idea of him coming back someday after he's done some growing because I think we had something special.

I wouldn't hold back.. you might find someone in that time that's better than him and appreciates you and WANTS to commit.

 

I agree people at 20-25 should FORGET about commitment. From my experience people really can't commit.. how can you when you're still learning about life and relationships.

 

That's why more people around 28-30+ are willing to commit. Because by then they KNOW what they want and have experience and can commit.

 

We were all; foolish in our younger age, because we thought our relationship would work.. from what I've seen usually it doesn't... it's in a LATER age when people realize you CANT find miss perfect or mr perfect. That you can find someone who meets some of your expectations.. and you learn to accept that and commit.

[blue_jay_bird]

People only commit when they are 28-30?

 

That sounds about right.

[strongerthancoffee]

shatteredworld i get what you are telling me to do and why i should move on...but im just curious even with people in general not just my ex, for those people who break off a relationship because they arent ready to commit like what DO they do when they are? DO they go back to the person who they werent ready to commit to? or do they decide to find someone new?

[blue_jay_bird]

People only commit when they are 28-30?

 

That sounds about right.

 

My brother was dragged to the alter at 30. I quote him "I can't have another failed relationship"

 

I guess someone catches them at the right time.

[strongerthancoffee]

CorridorE i get what you are saying to part of me doesnt want to let go of something so special if he just wasnt ready...i still would like to (at least at the moment) pick things up where we left off when he does find hes ready

 

and LostOne1 and blue_jay_bird, i might be naive to say this but i dont think age always plays a factor like i felt i was ready to commit to him no matter what in some cases in our relationship i did stick by him and work it out no matter how i was feeling because i knew what i shouldve done to fix that particular problem. although i am young i did feel like i was able to handle some parts of the relationship, it just fell through because he wasnt ready

[blue_jay_bird]

CorridorE i get what you are saying to part of me doesnt want to let go of something so special if he just wasnt ready...i still would like to (at least at the moment) pick things up where we left off when he does find hes ready

 

and LostOne1 and blue_jay_bird, i might be naive to say this but i dont think age always plays a factor like i felt i was ready to commit to him no matter what in some cases in our relationship i did stick by him and work it out no matter how i was feeling because i knew what i shouldve done to fix that particular problem. although i am young i did feel like i was able to handle some parts of the relationship, it just fell through because he wasnt ready

 

But he is not ready, and it could take years. Thus you can't wait.

[shatteredworld]

shatteredworld i get what you are telling me to do and why i should move on...but im just curious even with people in general not just my ex, for those people who break off a relationship because they arent ready to commit like what DO they do when they are? DO they go back to the person who they werent ready to commit to? or do they decide to find someone new?

 

It's really going to depend on the person and what your relationship was like. Everyone is going to be different, but I rarely ever hear about people going back to the person.. and that only seems to happen due to a coincidence (like running into each other again after years).

 

If it helps my ex had told me after the break up that I had his heart and he didn't want it back unless we were together. He had hopes of getting together in the future. But I think these things were just ways of lessening the blow of the break up.

 

All in all, I think they generally will find someone new because at that point they will have probably found someone new that makes them WANT to try and commit again.

[strongerthancoffee]

i hear what your saying...its so hard to accept though! i would still really like to hear other people's experiences and their outcomes, good or bad. reading this site so many people say getting back with an ex basically leads to disaster, but i mean, itd be nice to hear some happily ever after stories too!

 

so anyone else? Anyone who had an ex that wasnt ready to commit to you and then came back when they were?

[flitzanu]

So do guys (or girls) who end a relationship because they arent ready for one go back to their exes once they are? or when they feel ready do they go look for new people? thoughts? personal experiences?

 

yeah so in my case when my boyfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago, he said that his feelings for me just sort of faded and that he also wasnt ready to commit to a relationship (it was the first time for both of us, we are senior/junior in highschool only). he also insisted it was nothing on my side or my doing that was causing him to do this. So the question is, if he isnt ready to commit now, when he is will he give this a second shot? or will he find someone new?

 

i do believe our relationship is over at the moment and he still stands by what he says, but once he does "feel ready to commit", whether that be later this year or when he goes to college next year, im wondering about the time when he feels likes hes ready, if hell go back to me because hes finally ready or just say screw it im going for someone new

 

"i'm not ready for a relationship or commitment right now" = "i don't want a relationship or commitment with you"

 

there's no big mystery or soul searching behind it. it just means they don't want to be with YOU in a committed relationship.