Texas Boy Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 We need to sell our house and that could take a few months. We have a 9 yr old 3rd grader and a 4 year old ore schooler. They don't know about the divorce and we were told not to tell them far ahead of time. However, we will need to sell our home and that could take months. What should we tell the kids and when? Please help. Other info: kids have no idea, we don't fight, still share a room, and we still do things as a family, so they genuinely don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Why are you divorcing? is it completely inevitable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas Boy Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 Why are you divorcing? is it completely inevitable? Unfortunately, yes. I'd like to go to counseling and work on it, but she does not want anything to do with it. Her reason (although I don't want to get too off topic here) is that we are just not compatible and we have drifted apart. For over a year now. She has already served me with papers. Not willing to even consider staying together. No affairs, no fighting, and so on. So yeah I'm pretty depressed, but more importantly, I need advice for my kids! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Well the difference in ages means you need to tell them in completely different ways, and separately. The older is obviously going to be more equipped to understand things better, but what you have to do to both children is reassure them that they are loved, cherished treasured and wholeheartedly wanted by both parents. because obviously if you are going to be living apart, custody will be shared....but I'm presuming they will be living mainly with their mother. you two have to agree that whatever your grievances and disagreements are, you will never use the kids as bait, pawns or talk badly of one another to them. Your dispute is with each other - and as you have managed to shield them from your 'separation' up until now, so you must shield them against all and any anxieties or conflicts of the separation/divorce. As far as they should understand, mummy and daddy have decided that they would like to live apart, and that they don't want to be married any more, but that they always have and always will love 'you' both very much.... I know this is being orchestrated largely by your wife; there will be plenty of time in the future, when they're older and more capable of understanding matters of this nature, to answer those kinds of questions, should they ask them. For now - in order to maintain stability, I personally believe that at this tender age, focus should be on reassuring them, not apportioning blame.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas Boy Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 Yeah. I want to keep it as pleasant as possible. But the issue is really how do we tell them? We are supposed to only tell them a few days to a week in advance according to a child psychologist/ family therapist my stbx and I consulted with. However how do we explain selling the home to them? It may take months. I don't know that we can hide it that long. Especially with a big For Sale sign on th front lawn right by the gate we come in!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) I think if i was in your position and dealing with your childrens ages i wouldn't say too much until its really near the move time. I would say to the 9yo 'if asked' that simply you both want a new place to live...not lying just not going into detail, make it in early days unimportant... if you know what i mean?? once the move is a definate then its time to be honest, give 100% love/reasurance from you both which im sure you will do anyway...i agree, you will need a different approach for each age. All the best, feel for you ....kids are the hardest part in all this hey! Edited March 15, 2013 by Shocked Suzie Link to post Share on other sites
Act Two Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Wow, that's a tricky one. I don't know- that might be really unfair to your 9 year old to mislead him/her about moving and then blindside with a divorce. Are you able to separate before selling the house? I would run the selling of the house by the child therapist again- a 9 year old is smart enough to ask questions and wonder about an upcoming move. If it were me I would tell them sooner than that. I'm sorry you are going through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas Boy Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 I'm sorry you are going through this. You and me both! Im more sorry for my kids who will be completely shocked an blindsided. Link to post Share on other sites
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