calgary Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 broke up because she was holding hands with a guy infront of me.. she was dancing with one guy all night.. she kept disappearing on nights out and her friends were still all around me.. 5 days after the break up, she intended on hooking up with a guy she worked with but he didn't show up... then she came at me with the friend zone, I denied it and deleted her from facebook... then a week later she came at me with life problems like suicidal thoughts / self harm.. I worried sick about her and made myself ill.. i'd text her constantly to make sure she was okay.. we met up, she held my hand, said she loved and missed me and hugged me, cried on my shoulder.. didn't want a relationship though.. so I went home like ' whatever' kind of attitude in a bad mood feeling played.. week later she accuses me of dumping her to be with somebody else and then when I try to talk to her about it she gets cocky infront of her friends and tells me to text her about it so I just give her a dirty look and walk away.. 2 weeks later i'm outside with my friend , she comes and says hey to him like I don't exist.. I ask her to go away.. call her a b*tch.. wake up regretting it because I was drunk... next thing.. him and her are flirting on facebook ( even though I deleted her it tells me when he likes her photos etc) he's been writing status ' like ' can't wait to see her' but didn't actually put a girls name.. and then tonight wrote one saying he was heading to the town which she lives in.. no proof they're together but it seems more than likely... so just to put it all together.. she was getting distant with me, flirting with other guys infront of me whilst we were together.. I broke it off because she was calling me insecure and jealous she then tried to hook up with somebody from work but he didn't show up. friend zoned me constantly partying comes at me with life problems.. leads me on a bit accuses me of dumping her for somebody else.. starts flirting with my good friend and now It seems more than likely he's sat on her bed as I type this feeling sorry for myself.. Why am I so upset? why do I think about it 24/7? why am I obsessing over such a horrible, nasty, self-centered, attention seeking, immature girl who is not worth the time and money I invested in her? and why am I upset about a traitor of a friend when he's clearly not a friend at all.. thinking about himself and not caring how it's affecting me ? what do I do to stop feeling so upset and angry and betrayed and sorry for myself ? people are being great to me honestly the people on this site are fantastic.. my friends, my family. I'm really grateful.. I've read books people have recommended.. I've socialized I've thrown myself at work, the gym, new hobbies etc.. i'm still really upset.. I haven't spoken to her in about a month now. apart from asking her to go away. all I want to really do is get in my bed and feel sorry for myself still after 2 months on my own. im wasting my life.. how do I just get over somebody who isn't worth getting sad about ? how do I stop obsessing about how cruel somebody is ? I feel so angry at myself for not hating her and still wanting to talk to her.
cdt76 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Cal....man, you pick them worse than I do. I think maybe you wanted her to be something she isn't. YOu wanted her to be the one and the one to love you and shower each other with affection but that isn't her. Unfortunately you picked a whore....like I did. And that's ok. But just try to understand it takes you a little while to start over. Give yourself some time and just try and see that you ignored all the red flags. Understand that the red flags are RED for a reason! Next time don't ignore the flags!
BarbecueMan666 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 What you're going through is normal, and how ever hard it seems, you need to try and remove all contact, and all mutual contact with friends. Be it photos, texts, fb stuff, twitter stuff you name it. I'm going through something similar, fortunately my ex and I are long distance. One thing that really helped me was realizing, I was my own worst enemy, not my ex. My ego would be telling me what she'd be doing, how she'd be doing it, it would get the best of me. You have to realize your ego is the one that's going to try torture you, and make you hit rock bottom. Your ego is also the one that's convinced you and made this story that this woman is great, even though you know with your brain she's not. The idea of her, is what your ego is making you see, not the actual her. You dumped her because she did things you didn't like, you felt so strongly about the things she did, and the way she was that you got rid of her, remember that. Ego will try and trick you into thinking you made a mistake, you have to hold strong.
Debbie2508 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I asked my counsellor the same thing yesterday and was told that no matter how it ended or how much the other person hurt you, the fact is that you loved them deeply..... and that feeling doesn't go away quickly. Some of us can't force ourselves to "move on", it'll happen when it happens. ( Be nice if it was soon tho!!) 1
Mack05 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) I asked my counsellor the same thing yesterday and was told that no matter how it ended or how much the other person hurt you, the fact is that you loved them deeply..... and that feeling doesn't go away quickly. Some of us can't force ourselves to "move on", it'll happen when it happens. ( Be nice if it was soon tho!!) I like this post. Adding...I think a lot of it is to so with self esteem as well. When you have high self esteem, you recognise what is good for you and recognise what is bad for you. My last ex was bad for me, as I was for her. I still craved her though post breakup. Now that we have been emotional detached, we both can see clearly just how wrong the whole thing was. There are great lessons to be learnt as well. You will see all this too Calgary, you are just too blinded by emotion. You can't separate the forrest from the trees. You just need time to work through these emotions..Keep going with the exercise, the self help books. Make plans for the future. Just small positive steps everyday. Then without realizing you will wake up one morning and she is not the first thing in your mind. Further down the line you will see something that reminds you of her and you will think 'I've had a lucky escape there' Edited March 15, 2013 by Mack05 1
Author calgary Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 thanks everyone, I know I've had a lucky escape. I think i'm just in shock that people can be this cruel and selfish. he still hasn't text me back, I asked him when he was next out etc and he just never responded so i'm assuming the worst.. like you said this is probably my ego which is my worst enemy but usually you can trust your gut in these situations. snakes and sl*ts I shouldn't be this upset. I shouldn't be thinking about it constantly. Theres a 16 week waiting list for a counsellor here. I'm laying in bed upset and they're having fun together it's so messed up. i do need to delete them both, but i don't want to delete him just because i'm assuming things.. but all the signs point to it.. he's ignoring me now, he's liking all her stuff on facebook, talking about not being able to wait to see a girl , then he's heading to the town she lives in.. she's liking all his stuff.. he shouldn't even be putting me through this worry.
Author calgary Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 feeling so down and depressed and upset.
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