Embee Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 I posted on Monday "Mixed Signals even before the first date or am I too finicky" Well I had my lunch date with this guy. I kept the conversation mostly light and got some basics. He is going out of town for work and will allegedly call me when he gets home. I think the date went well. However, I still feel odd about the whole goings on this weekend ( read my last post titled above). I like him though. What do you think would be good second date questions to ask, that would clue me in on how he views relationships, his values, and what he might be looking for? I don't want to scare him away by interrogating him (yet, I do) but I need to ask things in a way that will seem friendly and not put him on the defensive. ANY SUGGESTIONS? Please provide me a question you would ask and the rationale behind it.
Fayebelle Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 Ask him about his current family (i.e. parents, sibs, etc...) You can usually lead this to ?'s about values and future fam. If he gushes about his fam- say oh is fam important to you? This tends to lead to the family plan speal. If he's very tight lipped - apologize and say you didn't realize this was a tense subject- either he'll take this as a lead to tell more (in which case you can get a feel for his views) or he'll let it drop. MOST people who have had difficult fam lives are a bit more leery about serious commitments in the future. People develop A LOT of their relationship views from their fam- either what to do or what not to do - His willingness to speak about his fam and the things he says as spin offs of that conversation can give you a glimpse into his commitment comfort and the values he holds. Also- many current events topics can be used to find values and morals. Try to stick to things you personally won't get overheated and call a deal breaker for a 2nd date (ex. abortion, death penalty...) For example- I can't believe what happened in Russia! I don't know how I'd handle it if that was my child. If he passes it off as "Eh- I'm not gonna have kids" and leaves it at that- you may want to take that as a sign he's not looking for something long term right now. On the other side- if he feels the terrorists had every right to do what they did- you may want to rethink finishing the date w/him
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