Ruby Slippers Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Well, I told her Tuesday night I have had enough and it's been NC since then. I have no plans to contact her. I will in a couple of weeks to tell her to come get her items from my house. I think you're doing the right thing. Sorry it didn't work out. I predict there will be a dramatic crying scene at some point. You've been very forgiving with her and given her tons of leeway. She won't want to lose that.
Author Babolat Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 I think you're doing the right thing. Sorry it didn't work out. I predict there will be a dramatic crying scene at some point. You've been very forgiving with her and given her tons of leeway. She won't want to lose that. Thanks Ruby, I know I am doing the right thing; it hurts, right now it's a little easier because of my frustrations though when I start to think about the good/funs times I do get sad. She IS a wonderful person despite her lifestyle and I will miss her; but it just was not a healthy relationship for me.
AngelDouche66 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Hey there, just made this account, I've been following all the developments, please do let us know what happens, today was the day everything was building on. Hope everything is alright, don't worry if it doesn't work out, you will no longer feel all the harsh feelings, although you will for a short while.
irc333 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 This is a sad state of affairs when all parties find this acceptable. Talk about fraudulent. Everyone in your group of friends swingers or something? LOL But I get a kick out of people who tell us to "lighten up", and make US out to be the jealous bad guy. Taking all the other issues out of the equation and dealing solely with the auction, I just don't see a big deal about it. We did a charity bachelor auction last year to raise money for our baseball team. We auctioned off the coach, two asst coaches, the GM, the radio announcer, and two single host dads. Nearly all of those guys have GF's, and the GF's didn't seem to mind the auction at all (nor did any of them win). They seemed to appreciate the fact that the money raised went towards supporting their guys' sports passion. A local restaurant even donated a $20 gift card towards each of the dates. No biggie. Geez, do people really get so upset that your GF might really eat a meal at a restaurant with another guy? One of our bachelors was bought by a married woman, and she and her husband went on the date. The head coach was bought by a 60+ volunteer who has been widowed for about 12 years. The entire night was a blast. Now, the other behaviors in the R would cause me much more angst than this. And I am sensing a whole lot of circuituous explanations from her for things that bother you. I.e It would be dumb to agree to be in a charity auction like this and to announce that you would only participate if your BF was the one who won the bidding; in that case, just donate, and let the competitive fundraising go to someone who is going for competition. I think she's prevaricating with you about this came about.
Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Early 40s, me mid 40s Oh my goodness. Yeah, I thought you were both in your 20's. 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Oh my goodness. Yeah, I thought you were both in your 20's. Yeah wow. That is very surprising. I'm even in my 20s and don't know many women that do the kinds of things that she does. Sounds like she's got issues, man. You're better off this way.
ls32ssibm Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Knowing this now, it would have been pretty funny to go to the auction and bid on a 21 year old or something instead of her.
Author Babolat Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 No contact since Tuesday night. She sent me a long email last night letting me know how she has been feeling. Nothing I have not heard already from her. It hurt, it made me sad, and I have taken a few steps back, but I will be fine. She felt judged and not accepted by me. I understand that and she has said that before. She said I made her feel like an alcoholic and she tolerated our talks about her drinking but each one wore on ere more and more. To her credit she would alwasy say "This is who I am, accept me or don't" when we had "drinking" talks. She would also say don't let me get more emotionally involved if you know now you cannot accept this. She said she has been carrying a lot of hurt and that came out Tuesday night, and I understand that. She had to tell me nobody bid on her at the auction as they announced she had a BF while reading her bio. I have helded off replying as i simply do not see the value.
NervisPervis Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 To her credit she would alwasy say "This is who I am, accept me or don't" when we had "drinking" talks. She would also say don't let me get more emotionally involved if you know now you cannot accept this. And well said at that. She had to tell me nobody bid on her at the auction as they announced she had a BF while reading her bio. Hey all of you "our bachelorette auction was just a lot of innocent fun" crowd. I would almost think that these guys were looking to get laid. Your gal is hot and NOBODY bid on her because she had a boyfriend? Sorry. This looks a lot like legalized prostitution to me.
nofool4u Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 No contact since Tuesday night. She sent me a long email last night letting me know how she has been feeling. Nothing I have not heard already from her. It hurt, it made me sad, and I have taken a few steps back, but I will be fine. It hurt you? What? Did she try to turn this into "poor me"? I'm curious what it was she said exactly, if you don't mind. If you don't, thats understandable. She felt judged and not accepted by me. So basically when someone does something that doesn't sit right with another its, "You are judging me, blah blah blah". I get so sick of this mentality. Do something disrespectful to someone else, and they cry about being judged. I understand that and she has said that before. She said I made her feel like an alcoholic and she tolerated our talks about her drinking but each one wore on ere more and more. To her credit she would alwasy say "This is who I am, accept me or don't" when we had "drinking" talks. She would also say don't let me get more emotionally involved if you know now you cannot accept this. People who like to drink alot can't be trusted, whether it be in a relationship or in general. You are doing yourself a favor by getting rid of her. Let her be another poor sap's problem that will look past her bulls**t just because she is a pretty face. She said she has been carrying a lot of hurt and that came out Tuesday night, and I understand that. She had to tell me nobody bid on her at the auction as they announced she had a BF while reading her bio. Which goes to show that the guys that would bid on her are expecting something in return. I think she knew this, and the idea of it was flattering. I have helded off replying as i simply do not see the value. Do NOT reply. She seems to thrive on attention, which is one reason I believe she wanted to auction herself. She is one of these beauty queens that would love to have you falling all over yourself replying, telling her how sorry you are, knowing that she has you wrapped around her finger. Don't give her the satisfaction. Make her think you don't really care. And when you do reply, like you said, make it to tell her to come get her things. Or better yet. Box her things up and leave them on her doorstep. 1
StanMusial Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 And well said at that. Hey all of you "our bachelorette auction was just a lot of innocent fun" crowd. I would almost think that these guys were looking to get laid. Your gal is hot and NOBODY bid on her because she had a boyfriend? Sorry. This looks a lot like legalized prostitution to me. No one bid because she is a ragged out old bag. In her 40s, drinking to the wee hours and acting like a teenager? I've met a handful of them... by that age they are on their second or third "tune-up" at the plastic surgeon's and it ain't pretty. She has some kind of hold over OP, I hope he can escape. 1
Author Babolat Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 It hurt you? What? Did she try to turn this into "poor me"? I'm curious what it was she said exactly, if you don't mind. If you don't, thats understandable. So basically when someone does something that doesn't sit right with another its, "You are judging me, blah blah blah". I get so sick of this mentality. Do something disrespectful to someone else, and they cry about being judged. People who like to drink alot can't be trusted, whether it be in a relationship or in general. You are doing yourself a favor by getting rid of her. Let her be another poor sap's problem that will look past her bulls**t just because she is a pretty face. Which goes to show that the guys that would bid on her are expecting something in return. I think she knew this, and the idea of it was flattering. Do NOT reply. She seems to thrive on attention, which is one reason I believe she wanted to auction herself. She is one of these beauty queens that would love to have you falling all over yourself replying, telling her how sorry you are, knowing that she has you wrapped around her finger. Don't give her the satisfaction. Make her think you don't really care. And when you do reply, like you said, make it to tell her to come get her things. Or better yet. Box her things up and leave them on her doorstep. Her email last night said she would come over and get her things and leave my key. She even asked me to leave some of her stuff that's in my shed on the porch for her. She did not say when. It was definitely a good bye I will miss you closure email though. I have not replied to this email. She sent me a new email today reminding me I owe her dad money for a NCAA BBall pool (final 4 only pool) and that he needs the money today. I said I would take it to him tonight. She said she wants to take care of it, can we meet today. I said again I will take it to him or he can call me. She said she did not want to involve her family at this point in "us", that she has not told them, and would prefer to take care of it. She then said she wants to see me. I told her we both have our closure; I got mine last Tuesday, she got hers with her email last nite. Unless there was a specific reason to meet I do not want to. 3
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) No doubt this is a tough time for you. You have my sympathies. I agree that there is nothing productive that can come from responding or re-engaging in dialogue. Nothing changes. The lesson for both of you, and in my view she is equally culpable on this front, is to walk away when you are incompatible on the basics. She is probably using the money owed her Dad as a ploy to meet. Like most women who use their looks to get what they want, she knows you will probably waver and cave when you see her in person...if not, cue the waterworks and you won't stand a chance. As to her stuff that you might have? FedEx can be your best friend. Include a cheque made out to her Dad for the amount owed in the pool in the box with the rest of her stuff. (Make a photocopy of the cheque for yourself.) You're protecting yourself if things turn ugly. More importantly, nothing says "I'm done," like the FedEx guy ringing the doorbell and handing an ex a box of belongings. Cuts down on the drama, pleading, and false hope. Making a clean, clear-cut break may seem harsh, but it's ultimately the kindest thing you can do for a person when you break up with him or her. Please stop with the back and forth nonsense if you have no intention of reconciling and going for another round of turmoil. Edited April 1, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
nofool4u Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Very good Babolat. Best to move on from a woman who is in her 40's and still needs a validation fix from other men. And YOU should give the money to her father for the pool. You don't have to say anything about the break up, just get it to him.
ls32ssibm Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I wonder if this moronic girl (sorry) was surprised that guys didn't want to bid on a non-bachelorette in a bachelorette auction.
Author Babolat Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) I wonder if this moronic girl (sorry) was surprised that guys didn't want to bid on a non-bachelorette in a bachelorette auction. She was not; it's what she expected. In fact, prior to the auction starting she asked if someone did bid and won could the winner just keep the package (dinner and and tickets to a show) and she would not have to go on the date. They said yes, which was announced. She also said she kept looking for me and was hoping I would surprise her and show up. The MC even announced more than once that she has a BF that could not make it. The acution was pretty much a flop from what she tells me...only once person was bid on, a local male radio DJ. Edited April 2, 2013 by Babolat
Author Babolat Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Very good Babolat. Best to move on from a woman who is in her 40's and still needs a validation fix from other men. And YOU should give the money to her father for the pool. You don't have to say anything about the break up, just get it to him. Out of respect for her having not talked to her family yet about us, I asked her if I could meet her to give her the money, which i did. She had plans with her family last night at their house, and it would have been awkward for me to show up, which we both agreed to.
Author Babolat Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Her email last night said she would come over and get her things and leave my key. She even asked me to leave some of her stuff that's in my shed on the porch for her. She did not say when. It was definitely a good bye I will miss you closure email though. I have not replied to this email. She sent me a new email today reminding me I owe her dad money for a NCAA BBall pool (final 4 only pool) and that he needs the money today. I said I would take it to him tonight. She said she wants to take care of it, can we meet today. I said again I will take it to him or he can call me. She said she did not want to involve her family at this point in "us", that she has not told them, and would prefer to take care of it. She then said she wants to see me. I told her we both have our closure; I got mine last Tuesday, she got hers with her email last nite. Unless there was a specific reason to meet I do not want to. Her "closure" in her email to me was based on me not contacting her for four days, and it's what she assumed I wanted. She also assumed I did not want to see her, which is why she said she would come to get her personal items. We talked for a while last night, came to no new conclusions, other than we have a great connection yet we have differences we just don't know how to work through. I made it clear to her I do not want all the drinking and partying in my life, I cannot spend my time worrying about her, she understands, offered no compromises other than she is constantly making changes in her life. I asked her based on where we are now, with our differences, based on how I make her feel, not accepted, not loved, not committed, why she still would want to stay with me. She said she sees a very good man in me, she loves me, she knows what we had and how it felt and is hoping to get it back. She sees that I am one to alwasy be working on myself, making changes and improvements, and she admires that. She also likes the way I am able to talk to her about a problem or issue.
NervisPervis Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I asked her based on where we are now, with our differences, based on how I make her feel, not accepted, not loved, not committed, why she still would want to stay with me. She said she sees a very good man in me, she loves me, she knows what we had and how it felt and is hoping to get it back. She sees that I am one to alwasy be working on myself, making changes and improvements, and she admires that. She also likes the way I am able to talk to her about a problem or issue. Women LOVE that. A nice solid guy at home who will always be there for her when she gets back from partying with the boys. 1
chucksagent Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 nofool4u - "Do something disrespectful to someone else, and they cry about being judged." So well said my friend...The PC police...and they run on the fuel of the liberal poison running through this nations veins. And this isn't about "Democrat" or "Republican" - it's about the mentality of "ME ME ME." Some examples: 1) You call someone out when they DESERVE to be called out - somehow YOU are the bad guy?!?! You get disrespected by someone, you tell them, and YOU are the bad guy???? How??? How can that possibly be??? 2) The ole role reversal I mentioned earlier (and thanks nofool4u for getting my back)....I simply said "in MY experience, me and my friends have had women that you NEED to say {how would you feel if roles were reversed}) where if the shoe was on the other foot they would be SOOOO MAD. They just can't use common sense and say "wait, why am I doing this, when if he was, I'd be upset." People are insane these days. 3) My Mom for Easter SPECIFICALLY didn't invite my cousin, his wife, and 2 kids. Yet, RIGHT as we finished dinner, he called my gram, my gram told them we were at my moms...and they came up...My mom didn't invite them because they have this bad habit of showing up at your house, letting their 3 and 1 year olds roam and make YOU Watch them. They just sit there and don't want their kids. YET, if YOU speak up and say to my gram or them how this is wrong, YOU are the bad person...if you say "no, cant come up" YOU are the bad person...my gram put my mom on the spot and my mom was like "ok yeah they can come up." If my Mom said no to her own nephew, the whole family would talk about her. It's almost like MORALS and VALUES are gone, and if you try to intercede on the behalf of morals or values, YOU become the bad guy. ------------------------------------- OP - Any chance she is into cocaine? Bivok hinted in his post about sugar daddys and that...I've heard through cop friends of mine that hot women get guys with money and/or drug dealers to give them coke and party with them for sexual favors. That's also a possibility here based on what I've seen. Because when someone defies common sense and logic it's USUALLY either because of immaturity, stupidity or drugs/money. So I think it's worth considering all of the possibilities. 1
Author Babolat Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 OP - Any chance she is into cocaine? Bivok hinted in his post about sugar daddys and that...I've heard through cop friends of mine that hot women get guys with money and/or drug dealers to give them coke and party with them for sexual favors. That's also a possibility here based on what I've seen. Because when someone defies common sense and logic it's USUALLY either because of immaturity, stupidity or drugs/money. So I think it's worth considering all of the possibilities. She told me (I broke up with her 6+ weeks ago) a few weeks after we started dating she used to do a lot of cocaine, like 7+ years ago. Her male best friend does use cocaine to get woman she told me. As she once said "Some girls will do anything for coke". She did it at least once while we were together, not with me around, one of her party weekends with the male best friend and some of his coke girls. She said she told him she did not want to, had no plans to, but while in the bathroom at a bar with some other girls she did. I should have ended the relationship the day she told me this, but I did not. 1
Maleficent Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 (edited) Woah! I would die to separate male's answers from female's answers. Reading this post kind of pisses me off though. It seems most men expect the girl to spread out her legs for whoever spent the most money on her. I haven't read everything but it looks like the girl in question already has a shady behavior. So fine - I guess it would be shady then...but OP, it's up to you to talk to your girlfriend when she does something that bothers you and if her behavior doesn't change - dump her. Edited May 13, 2013 by Maleficent
StanMusial Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 She told me (I broke up with her 6+ weeks ago) a few weeks after we started dating she used to do a lot of cocaine, like 7+ years ago. Her male best friend does use cocaine to get woman she told me. As she once said "Some girls will do anything for coke". She did it at least once while we were together, not with me around, one of her party weekends with the male best friend and some of his coke girls. She said she told him she did not want to, had no plans to, but while in the bathroom at a bar with some other girls she did. I should have ended the relationship the day she told me this, but I did not. Whew. This started off as a bachelorette auction gripe but with every subsequent post OP I really wonder what kind of relationship you had with this one.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Generally, drug addicts dont make good girlfriends.
Author Babolat Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Long thread, wasn't able to read it all. But aside from the original issue, I have to ask the question based on today's post by you. Why is it she is doing "party weekends" with other men without you? She invited me, I chose not to go, not my thing.
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