Girlfriend just told me she's in a bachelorette auction

[KungFuJoe]

I guess he needs to understand that you can't win all the battles... what of the next cases would be a bigger problem for you ?

 

a) Girlfriend goes to an auction and presents her self as single for a date (for charity reasons) where you are supposed to bid

b) Girlfriend drinks with other guys and expend nights in hotels or houses with those guys... (she claims all platonic).

 

If it would be me and basing the whole concept in the idea that he trust her and believe her... (I don't know her so I can't judge when she lies or not). I would rather prefer she stops behavior b and I will just eat behavior a...

 

At the end of the day he needs to decide if he wants a relationship with her or not... if he wants it then he needs to do concessions too..

 

Then you're selling yourself too short.

 

You should never EVER have to settle for anything.

 

There are so many red flags in this whole "auction" scenario, I could write a book on it.

[Babolat]

I guess he needs to understand that you can't win all the battles... what of the next cases would be a bigger problem for you ?

 

a) Girlfriend goes to an auction and presents her self as single for a date (for charity reasons) where you are supposed to bid

b) Girlfriend drinks with other guys and expend nights in hotels or houses with those guys... (she claims all platonic).

 

If it would be me and basing the whole concept in the idea that he trust her and believe her... (I don't know her so I can't judge when she lies or not). I would rather prefer she stops behavior b and I will just eat behavior a...

 

At the end of the day he needs to decide if he wants a relationship with her or not... if he wants it then he needs to do concessions too..

 

I understand what you are saying. Though, this may be the "event" I need to move on.

 

I have no intentions of contacting her. I will not be at the auction; I would rather be with my buddies then at this point.

 

When I asked her about the hotel room boundary she said "Well, I have already taking the first step". I asked her what that meant. She said her male best friend, lets call him Tom, is in town, already invited her out to party Saturday night and she said no. When I asked her why she said No (she initially implied it was because of my boundary, which she agrees with now) she said because she is partying Friday night and does not want to go out two nights in a row and be tired on Easter Sunday. I said that has nothing to do with the boundary, which she seemed all proud of her decision..she thought for a 2nd and said "You are right".

 

My "guess" is now that I will not be at the auction, she will either invite him to the auction and/or go party with him afterwords because I hurt her, drown her sorrows if you will. She is not the type to do something alone or stay home alone nor does she have the money to go out...Tom does so she will most likely hang with him.

 

I care about her and probably love her and I also trust her; but enough is enough. I need to take care of me.

[KungFuJoe]

Yeah, I'm probably one of the least conservative people on this forum and I'm VERY trusting. I have zero problems with my gf/wife having guy friends...even hanging out with them one on one, etc. But getting drunk and then spending the night at his house...and on many occasions?

 

Oh hell no.

[Babolat]

OP, apologies for skimming but, if you do not intend to be at the auction, you need to tell her that, either in person (better) or on the phone. Do not simply disappear. It's not about her. It's about you. Your honor and integrity. Definitely stick to your boundaries but be direct and a gentleman about it. Good luck.

 

I did, repeatedly last night, in person. Her reply was "I will take care of it it then". When I asked her what that meant she said she did not know, only that she would take care of it. She was very frustrated and upset at that point.

[Babolat]

Ohh don't get me wrong, I totally support you if what it is in your head is to stop the relationship... moreover when you know "Tom" will be there to take care of her when you don't go...

 

I honestly don't understand how you have been able to live like that a full year!

 

I don't know "Tom" will be there. It's an assumptiuon I am making, probably out of anger and frustration at this point.

 

All I know is Tom is coming to town, which I did not know until last night, she is meeting him for dinner on Thursday (no invite for me again) and that she told him No when he asked her to go out partying Saturday night. She was proud of herself for doing that, taking the first step towards agreeing to my boundary. After I questioned her more though it was BS; she said No to Toms invitation because she did not want to be tired on Sunday after staying out all night and morning on Saturday with Tom and the gang and partying with her GFs Friday night.

 

My guess is she will share our conversation from last night with him, Tom will be the nice guy, go to the auction, bid on her, than take her out partying. I trust her with Tom, always have. Tom is just a loser type who needs to have hot woman around him and then talk about it with his male friends. I shared that with her and she agreed. he really has no male friends...only woman as he loves to be around them and pays the bill when they go out.

[Babolat]

I honestly don't understand how you have been able to live like that a full year!

 

My guess is codependence, and great sex..she is one on the most uninhibited woman I have ever met, definitely the most beautiful/sexy. She wants sex more than I do!

 

Though at this point I have had enough and I do not see a future for us.

[carhill]

I did, repeatedly last night, in person. Her reply was "I will take care of it it then". When I asked her what that meant she said she did not know, only that she would take care of it. She was very frustrated and upset at that point.

Cool, then leave it at that and move on. Worshipping at the altar of the woman, however beautiful and skilled in the sack, is rarely a recipe for long-term health. Heck, maybe you can turn into one of the 'friends' she 'sleeps over' with, without having the responsibilities of being a boyfriend. Win-win.

[Treasa]

Cool, then leave it at that and move on. Worshipping at the altar of the woman, however beautiful and skilled in the sack, is rarely a recipe for long-term health. Heck, maybe you can turn into one of the 'friends' she 'sleeps over' with, without having the responsibilities of being a boyfriend. Win-win.

 

I agree 100% with this.

[KungFuJoe]

Cool, then leave it at that and move on. Worshipping at the altar of the woman, however beautiful and skilled in the sack, is rarely a recipe for long-term health. Heck, maybe you can turn into one of the 'friends' she 'sleeps over' with, without having the responsibilities of being a boyfriend. Win-win.

 

No...disagree completely.

 

He is obviously VERY attached and hooked. It's not gonna get any better for op to just be sleeping with her not knowing whether or not she's sleeping with other guys at the same time.

 

I guarantee it will drive him abso****inglutely nuts.

 

It's best to move on and don't look back.

[carhill]

Not right away. Later. Once it doesn't matter. Everything is casual, like he is to her right now. Equality.

[KungFuJoe]

Not right away. Later. Once it doesn't matter. Everything is casual, like he is to her right now. Equality.

 

Have you ever been in op's situation?

 

Not gonna happen. He is TOO attached to her. It will just cause him heartache knowing she's sleeping with other guys.

 

And who says he is casual to her? I'm sure, in her own way, she's very attached to him as well. It's just she has a lifestyle that she's used to and it doesn't fit what op can handle.

 

This is one of those situations where no one is really in the wrong...it's just not going to work out between them.

[StanMusial]

My guess is codependence, and great sex..she is one on the most uninhibited woman I have ever met, definitely the most beautiful/sexy. She wants sex more than I do!

 

Though at this point I have had enough and I do not see a future for us.

 

She sounds like fun but not someone to be too seriously involved with. I think you'll be OK if you follow through. I'm starting to pity her some actually, she sounds like the type that turns 29 and starts looking like the beaten horse that was rode hard and put up wet.

[Babolat]

No Contact since I left Tuesday night and it's my plan to keep it that way.

 

I am already taking care of keeping myself busy this weekend so I do not have to sit around and "think".

[Babolat]

She sounds like fun but not someone to be too seriously involved with. I think you'll be OK if you follow through. I'm starting to pity her some actually, she sounds like the type that turns 29 and starts looking like the beaten horse that was rode hard and put up wet.

 

She is a great person, I trust her, she simply has a different lifestyle, different value system, different judgement, different morals and was raised totally differentl than me. None of this makes her a bad person, a tramp, a whore, a cheater, a liar, etc. I have spent 12+ months with her and I know her very well.

 

I have been hoping things would change I guess, things would start to work better for us...they are not.

[carhill]

Have you ever been in op's situation?

 

Yes, I've been in the OP's situation more than once back when younger.

 

She's letting him love her and isn't invested in any meaningful way. When she's done with him it will be like he never existed in the way he thinks he does.

[nofool4u]

If a gf of mine went out on a date because she put herself in an auction, I wouldn't be pleased with her when it was over. Don't know if I'd end the relationship, but I wouldn't be happy with her for a while.

 

I guess one thing that would make a big difference is, what did the date entail. If it was just dinner and that was it, then ok. But if it was more than that, I'd be suspicious. And if the date lasted into the wee hours of the morning, I'd probably tell her to never dawn my doorstep again.

[Sivok]

Dude, holy sh*t. How have I missed this thread?

 

Reading through your story just gave me vivid flashbacks of my sex-crazed, party animal ex girlfriend.

 

I got one piece of advice for you from my experience - GET OUT!

 

She used to hang out with her 'gay best friend' at his parents place just to pretend she's his gf because his parents were super religious and he's too afraid to 'come out' to them.

 

She used to party and hang out with primarily guys 3-4 times a week.

 

She used to hang out with her ex because he pays for her and buys her stuff (she also had very little money)

 

She started stripping for money and managed to somehow convince me it was ok. She just started school at a large university (had an associates) and 'needed the money to pay for school'.

 

She used to party and 'pass out' with her friends all the time.

 

Finally, with access to her phone and talking to some of her friends, I learned a few things:

 

1)Her 'gay best friend' wasn't gay at all - she was sleeping with him and having him pay for her partying/drinking habits.

 

2)Her ex bought her things because she slept with him and gave him hope that she'd get together with him again.

 

3)She didn't strip for the money - her grandmother already paid off her tuition. She did it for the attention, and she even gave her number out a few times.

 

During the relationship with her I trusted her COMPLETELY. After all, the emotions we shared were intense and real, right? Even though everyone else believed she was cheating on me and crazy, I didn't - I knew her best. After all, that's why I'm her bf, right?

 

Wrong. She played me for a fool and I was completely blinded by her beauty, her sex, and her powerful assertive character. She pulled my strings like I was a human marionette.

 

Open your eyes dude and stay the **** away from this girl - TRUST me. The parallels she had with my crazy ex gf are uncanning.

[Babolat]

Dude, holy sh*t. How have I missed this thread?

 

Reading through your story just gave me vivid flashbacks of my sex-crazed, party animal ex girlfriend.

 

I got one piece of advice for you from my experience - GET OUT!

 

She used to hang out with her 'gay best friend' at his parents place just to pretend she's his gf because his parents were super religious and he's too afraid to 'come out' to them.

 

She used to party and hang out with primarily guys 3-4 times a week.

 

She used to hang out with her ex because he pays for her and buys her stuff (she also had very little money)

 

She started stripping for money and managed to somehow convince me it was ok. She just started school at a large university (had an associates) and 'needed the money to pay for school'.

 

She used to party and 'pass out' with her friends all the time.

 

Finally, with access to her phone and talking to some of her friends, I learned a few things:

 

1)Her 'gay best friend' wasn't gay at all - she was sleeping with him and having him pay for her partying/drinking habits.

 

2)Her ex bought her things because she slept with him and gave him hope that she'd get together with him again.

 

3)She didn't strip for the money - her grandmother already paid off her tuition. She did it for the attention, and she even gave her number out a few times.

 

During the relationship with her I trusted her COMPLETELY. After all, the emotions we shared were intense and real, right? Even though everyone else believed she was cheating on me and crazy, I didn't - I knew her best. After all, that's why I'm her bf, right?

 

Wrong. She played me for a fool and I was completely blinded by her beauty, her sex, and her powerful assertive character. She pulled my strings like I was a human marionette.

 

Open your eyes dude and stay the **** away from this girl - TRUST me. The parallels she had with my crazy ex gf are uncanning.

 

Well, yet another red flag for me Tuesday night is she announced she applied for a waitressing job. She has been talking about this, to make some extra money, and she spent 15+ years in the restaurant business in her mid 20's to late 30s, so it makes sense.

 

She had been talking about nicer, classier restaurants. The place she applied at is a local biker bar near her house where she likes to go to see bands play with her gfs. She invited me once, I saw all the bikers, saw them drooling at her, never went back. There were families there and it's not just a biker bar...it's just that it's a bar, that also serves food, that annoyed me. Versus a higher class restaurant.

 

And, really, back to working at the bars at her age? There are other options to make extra money, like retail perhaps. She said I could come and wait for her to get off the 1-2 nights a week she works...

[ls32ssibm]

Well, yet another red flag for me Tuesday night is she announced she applied for a waitressing job. She has been talking about this, to make some extra money, and she spent 15+ years in the restaurant business in her mid 20's to late 30s, so it makes sense.

 

She had been talking about nicer, classier restaurants. The place she applied at is a local biker bar near her house where she likes to go to see bands play with her gfs. She invited me once, I saw all the bikers, saw them drooling at her, never went back. There were families there and it's not just a biker bar...it's just that it's a bar, that also serves food, that annoyed me. Versus a higher class restaurant.

 

And, really, back to working at the bars at her age? There are other options to make extra money, like retail perhaps. She said I could come and wait for her to get off the 1-2 nights a week she works...

 

 

Woah woah woah woah woah....woah.

 

Dude, this whole time, I thought she was like, 22, 23. 26 Tops.

 

She is in her late 30s? Early 40s? And she's acting like this.

 

 

Move on dude!!! That's just insane. She's living in Neverland.

[mtber75]

What a dumb idea...If your in a relationship and auctioning yourself off? Even if its innocent, the idea is for SINGLE people to auction themselves off, not people in relationship...Why would any dude want to bid for you if your not single anyways?

[StanMusial]

Woah woah woah woah woah....woah.

 

Dude, this whole time, I thought she was like, 22, 23. 26 Tops.

 

She is in her late 30s? Early 40s? And she's acting like this.

 

 

Move on dude!!! That's just insane. She's living in Neverland.

 

LMAO.

 

Holy shet guy. Seriously.

[Babolat]

Lol I had the same impression! Can you imagine... she is in her late 30's lool

 

Early 40s, me mid 40s

[Sanman]

It is funny how many of us thought that this was youthful silliness, myself included. Yet, finding out their ages changes everyone's perspective. In your early 20s this is a young girl that does not know better. In your early 40s this is just nuts!

[NervisPervis]

Hey B. Remember me? I only got through page 2. I'm the one that told you to leave this party skank in some of your old "my GF is hot and advertises her availability to men at bars, what should I do?" threads. Or your "My GF spends a lot of time with her male friends partying and sleeping over at their houses, should I be concerned?" threads.

 

Are you going to put yourself through this for the rest of your life? Come-on man. Have some self-respect. I wonder how all of her suitors at the meat markets view you. This is almost surreal.

 

You may have one AMAZING woman who is hot, fun AND loves you more than life itself. I'm just curious as to why she spends so much time partying and dating other men. Scratch that. I know why SHE does it, I'm curious as to why you live with it.

 

Good luck man. You either have an amazing gal or a party whore. I personally wouldn't roll those dice. NO WAY a hot party whore spends THAT MUCH time in the situations she puts herself in and doesn't eventually "go for it" occasionally.

[Babolat]

Hey B. Remember me? I only got through page 2. I'm the one that told you to leave this party skank in some of your old "my GF is hot and advertises her availability to men at bars, what should I do?" threads. Or your "My GF spends a lot of time with her male friends partying and sleeping over at their houses, should I be concerned?" threads.

 

Are you going to put yourself through this for the rest of your life? Come-on man. Have some self-respect. I wonder how all of her suitors at the meat markets view you. This is almost surreal.

 

You may have one AMAZING woman who is hot, fun AND loves you more than life itself. I'm just curious as to why she spends so much time partying and dating other men. Scratch that. I know why SHE does it, I'm curious as to why you live with it.

 

Good luck man. You either have an amazing gal or a party whore. I personally wouldn't roll those dice. NO WAY a hot party whore spends THAT MUCH time in the situations she puts herself in and doesn't eventually "go for it" occasionally.

 

Well, I told her Tuesday night I have had enough and it's been NC since then. I have no plans to contact her. I will in a couple of weeks to tell her to come get her items from my house.