Babolat Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 My girlfriend of 12+ months just told me she is in a bachorlette auction for charity. She said she did it because I will bid on her and it's for charity. My immediate reaction is WTF! It's men bidding on her for a date and why would you assume I would be there AND be the highest bidder? I could just make a donation to the charity...right? All I said was I am speechless, she got upset and said she will not be going home with them. Really? I am glad we cleared that up! Men, how would you feel? Ladies, what am I missing here? Thanks
Ruby Slippers Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Hey, Babolat - conservative guy It sounds sexy, sweet, and fun to me. Since you gave me some good advice about my conservative ex, now I'm wondering how he'd react to something like this. I think he might raise an eyebrow, too, but ultimately would go to the auction, enjoy competing against the other dudes for me, and feel good about making a donation to charity. And I'm sure it would be a boost for both me and him to see how high the bids were getting. I think you could have a lot of fun with this if you can relax a little. It could set you up for a very fun night later after the auction, too 5
dasein Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) That's ridiculous, OP, who on earth would put themselves in such an auction while in an exclusive relationship and then defend it? It's disrespectful to you, could make people think she is looking and there are problems in your relationship, makes you look like a schmuck, having to go and compete and bid for your GF, and she just presumes that? What was she thinking? She doesn't have a leg to stand on here, there are plenty of single people out there for such auctions, and as you say, you can simply make a donation if you want. May be harsh, but I gotta say this would likely be a dealbreaker for me. What would the long term be like with such a vapid, inconsiderate, stubborn person? None of the women I've ever dated would be OK with something like this. Edited March 14, 2013 by dasein 15
ChessPieceFace Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 All I said was I am speechless, she got upset and said she will not be going home with them. Really? I am glad we cleared that up! What exactly does she think she's auctioning off? I'm sure these men who are paying money expect... "something", at least. Lots of things wrong with this situation. Seems like she might be vain, thoughtless and more interested in satisfying some craving for attention and the feeling that she's beautiful rather than things like fidelity and loyalty.
StanMusial Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 What does she look like? I just got my tax refund, need to do something with it.... 4
irc333 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 It sounds sexy, sweet, and fun to me. I heard of women doing this, and it's fradualent. It's just as bad as women with boyfriends who go to speed dating events. Women like that have issues. It sounds sexy, sweet, and fun to me. Yeah, it's reserved for insecure women who need validation. Please stay out of these events, in fact CANCEL the event for your sake. 1
Imajerk17 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) So how is this supposed to work? Suppose some guy with a million bucks to spend makes that bid that the OP presumably can't match. Does he get a date w OP's girlfriend? At least one guy is going to get playef in this situation. I'm not sure what you women are thinking here. I agree w the other guys--bad idea all around. Edited March 14, 2013 by Imajerk17
Estate Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 My girlfriend of 12+ months just told me she is in a bachorlette auction for charity. She said she did it because I will bid on her and it's for charity. My immediate reaction is WTF! It's men bidding on her for a date and why would you assume I would be there AND be the highest bidder? I could just make a donation to the charity...right? All I said was I am speechless, she got upset and said she will not be going home with them. Really? I am glad we cleared that up! Men, how would you feel? Ladies, what am I missing here? Thanks It's for charity. It's not a real date. It' very admirable that she agreed to do it as these things usually generate a lot of money for the given charity. It's not a real date, no matter who wins... it's all about giving the money to charity. Stop being so whiney and insecure. if you get this hot and bothered about other men looking at her then I'd be more worried about losing her other ways than a charity auction for crap sake. 4
Author Babolat Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Well, she is gorgeous, could be a model. She has male friends who like to take her to dinner, lunch, out for drinks, which I have tolerated. This though is almost a bit too much.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 My girlfriend of 12+ months just told me she is in a bachorlette auction for charity. She said she did it because I will bid on her and it's for charity. My immediate reaction is WTF! It's men bidding on her for a date and why would you assume I would be there AND be the highest bidder? I could just make a donation to the charity...right? All I said was I am speechless, she got upset and said she will not be going home with them. Really? I am glad we cleared that up! Men, how would you feel? Ladies, what am I missing here? Thanks This is shady. You have good reason to be suspicious.
2sure Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I've participated in this kind of auction both ways. Yes, it is in poor taste if you are n a committed relationship. But its a fun thing, not a hook up. People bid on dates for themselves, their friends, and kids. When I was in the auction, I went on a date with a man I had met before but we had no real interest other than the charity. When I attended the auction I bid and won a date with a man I actually ended up in a relationship with. Why does she want to do it?
TouchedByViolet Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I don't like the sound of this. I would be upset if my GF did something like this. It's inappropriate and makes her look like an attention whore. If she was single then I would say go for it but not in a relationship unless both parties are 100% comfortable. 1
LuckyShades Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 If it smells like a skunk, it's probably a skunk. At best, it's a really awkward attention grab.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 First she sleeps over her male friend's house when she's too drunk to drive home and now this? She has zero respect for you, and each time you just swallow harder and put up with her behavior. Just show up like a cuckolded boyfriend, and bid on her, hoping another guy doesn't "win." I truly hope that at some point in this sorry saga, your self-respect finally kicks in. If not she will eventually get bored of finding new ways to make a mockery of your arrangement and will move on to the next eager beaver, who will be just as overjoyed and eager to please after snagging someone outside his perceived "league." 2
dasein Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Well, she is gorgeous, could be a model. She has male friends who like to take her to dinner, lunch, out for drinks, which I have tolerated. This though is almost a bit too much. Oh no no. Have been where you are before exactly. The best advice I can give is do not tolerate this kind of thing. I learned the hard way, don't repeat my mistake in an effort to be the even-minded nonpossessive BF. It works to your detriment in her eyes anyway. Take the reins or just keep screwing her and remove yourself entirely from the relationship otherwise, get one foot out the door. With the OP behavior added to the above, it's plain she has no respect for you or your relationship at all, no matter what rationalizations come out of her mouth. All these male friends who take her out? Unless they are longtime friends from childhood that she has made a real effort to make friends "of the relationship," to introduce you and involve you in the socializing, to regularly invite you along almost every time if not every time? They have to go. Yesterday. Or you should. Or to repeat, just keep having fun in bed as in a FWB thing and get yourself emotionally out the door. Good luck. 4
StanMusial Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 She has male friends who like to take her to dinner, lunch, out for drinks, which I have tolerated. This though is almost a bit too much. First she sleeps over her male friend's house when she's too drunk to drive home and now this? Dang... are you sure she's your gf and not just some girl you know? Sounds to me like she's everybody's "gf".
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 First she sleeps over her male friend's house when she's too drunk to drive home and now this? She has zero respect for you, and each time you just swallow harder and put up with her behavior. Just show up like a cuckolded boyfriend, and bid on her, hoping another guy doesn't "win." I truly hope that at some point in this sorry saga, your self-respect finally kicks in. If not she will eventually get bored of finding new ways to make a mockery of your arrangement and will move on to the next eager beaver, who will be just as overjoyed and eager to please after snagging someone outside his perceived "league." Well, this was previously unknown information. OP, I agree with dasein. Keep her around as a FWB if she's that hot. But drop the relationship and find a girl that respects you.
ascendotum Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 In such a situation, I would expect to have had my gf, run it past me first off before signing up. Is she prepared to pay 50% of the winning bid...especially if there is a bit of fierce bidding? Would be a bit ****ed up, if she has also told her other male friends about it (quite likely) and they show up on the night and you get in a bidding war with these guys for your gf. What happens if your limit is $300 and some guy bids $350. I am pretty sure there is the expectation that she goes out on a date with him, otherwise he's entitled imo to renege on his pledge to the charity.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thats so awesome of you to say to find a woman who respects you yet encouraging him to not be respectful himself all in the same sentence. It must be so nice to be a guy nowadays. Feel all entitled to having the perfect respectful girl while it is perfectly ok for you to not be that way yourself... This sounds fishy, OP. It made sense once you said shes model-looking. This is what happens when you go for model-looking women Well, I mean she's being shady to him. It doesn't seem like she respects him. So I'm suggesting that he put her in the FWB zone (basically, not respecting her as gf material), while finding a girl that he could settle down with and be nice to (ie: no FWB...but committed relationship). How is that wrong?
Nicomis Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thats so awesome of you to say to find a woman who respects you yet encouraging him to not be respectful himself all in the same sentence. It must be so nice to be a guy nowadays. Feel all entitled to having the perfect respectful girl while it is perfectly ok for you to not be that way yourself... This sounds fishy, OP. It made sense once you said shes model-looking. This is what happens when you go for model-looking women The way I see it, he has been more than respectful. He's been a doormat. Running around with other dudes, and putting your boyfriend in a situation like that is disrespectful and whoreish. I think she deserves a little of the same. At a minimum she is an attention whore, which is generally the case when there's a lot of "guy friends". 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Wow....and people are encouraging me to date you creatures? How about, I dont know, he breaks up with her because shes not a good gf and he looks for someone else? Well, I guess that could be an option too.
ls32ssibm Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Well, she is gorgeous, could be a model. She has male friends who like to take her to dinner, lunch, out for drinks, which I have tolerated. This though is almost a bit too much. Ah, mystery solved. You are letting her walk all over you because she's hot. Do yourself a favor and cut her loose. Maybe she saw it perfectly alright to enter herself in a "bachelorette" auction because you let her get away with things that would be a huge red flag for most people. Sounds like you have blinders on. 1
Author Babolat Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 I've participated in this kind of auction both ways. Yes, it is in poor taste if you are n a committed relationship. But its a fun thing, not a hook up. People bid on dates for themselves, their friends, and kids. When I was in the auction, I went on a date with a man I had met before but we had no real interest other than the charity. When I attended the auction I bid and won a date with a man I actually ended up in a relationship with. Why does she want to do it? The text conversation started with her telling me "she will be auctioned off" at a bar later this month. She said she did it for me, because I would bid on her, and it's for charity. Her texts repeatedly said "You will be there and you will bid on me, right?". Last night I told her it was presumptuous of her to assume that and I was not happy to hear she will be presenting herself as signle, available for a date.
dasein Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 The text conversation started with her telling me "she will be auctioned off" at a bar later this month. I suggest a text in response, "the person receiving this text has just become single."
Author Babolat Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 I've participated in this kind of auction both ways. Yes, it is in poor taste if you are n a committed relationship. But its a fun thing, not a hook up. People bid on dates for themselves, their friends, and kids. When I was in the auction, I went on a date with a man I had met before but we had no real interest other than the charity. When I attended the auction I bid and won a date with a man I actually ended up in a relationship with. Why does she want to do it? The text conversation started with her telling me "she will be auctioned off" at a bar later this month. She said she did it for me, because I would bid on her, and it's for charity. Her texts repeatedly said "You will be there and you will bid on me, right?". Last night I told her it was presumptuous of her to assume that and I was not happy to hear she will be presenting herself as signle, available for a date. She also said it's not like that and everyoen there knows I am her boyfriend. Not sure aht that means...they will anoounce prior to the bidding that she is in a committed relationship..really? That will generate a lot of bids! I have put a lot of trust in her, in this relationship. Lots of my boundaries have been pushed on, stretched if you will. I have dealt with things I never thought I would. She has 2-3 good males friends, she sees them as brothers. I have met one, he moved out of town before we started dating, he has come here 2 times (she stayed in a hotel room with him for the weekend while they partied), she has gone to spend the weekend with him two times, I see what she describes, a friendship from her side. I see them as party buddies. These men are all bachelor party boy types (heavy drinkers, drugs, hang out with model type woman, etc) though so I do not trust them. Her, I trust, as strange as that may sound, it's the environments she puts herself in I do not like, and now this...... If she would have talked to me first like "I am considering doing this for charity, the charity is important to me, blah blah blah" maybe I would feel better. But to sign up, text me about it "I am being auctioned off" and then tell me she expects me to be there to bid...that just hurts. And if I do not win, no worries, she does not plan to go home with the winner...wow.
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