mtnbiker3000 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 So, here is my biggest emotional hurdle at this point. Once I somehow get through this crippling, devastating mess I currently find myself in. How do I avoid it in the future? There has got to be some way to avoid this again. Some technique. Some method. Something to do different, do better, don't do, etc… Got to be!! I thought I was applying all my previously gained knowledge, but look how good that worked out for me? Maybe it's just to build walls and stay guarded always and forever?? That seems a sucky way to go about it. I know, the only answer is there are no guarantees and you have to just go for it, right? I don't like my chances…
A1A Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I think about this every day! I would like to believe that it will never happened to me again and I wouldn't wish this feeling upon ANYONE, not even upon our ex's who were responsible for that. Preventing someone from breaking your heart in the future is not under our control, but handling it differently is something that we all have to figure out NOW while we experience this pain. Just think of all the things that you don't have that might have helped you go through this. For instance, I lost a lot of contact with my friends and now I need their support so bad. It's reflection time. "Sometimes you WIN, Sometimes you Learn". Good Luck! 1
todreaminblue Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) So, here is my biggest emotional hurdle at this point. Once I somehow get through this crippling, devastating mess I currently find myself in. How do I avoid it in the future? There has got to be some way to avoid this again. Some technique. Some method. Something to do different, do better, don't do, etc… Got to be!! I thought I was applying all my previously gained knowledge, but look how good that worked out for me? Maybe it's just to build walls and stay guarded always and forever?? That seems a sucky way to go about it. I know, the only answer is there are no guarantees and you have to just go for it, right? I don't like my chances… It just plain sucks when you have your heart broken, and building walls is fine till its time to let them go, that can be hard, because you get so used to them and having your guard up it becomes an automatic defense to being hurt again, i do know they have to come down or you kamikaze off your wall and hope for the best, i am at that stage have been for a while, i have learned what i need,and i am ready now, and its me jumping with a healthy dose of fear, because if i wasnt afraid to lose, what would be the point in attempting anything.......love is a risk, you can get hurt and you cant predict it, i have some values i let slide before,these values either some guys will see as unreasonable expectations, and i struggle with that....but it is who i am now, and if they go on my past then......they arent right for me...everyone makes mistakes and i have learned from mine......i wish you the best in life and love....and i hope you go into it with a clear heart, everyone deserves a chance to have love,a life and happiness...and that includes even me.....now i just have to listen to that advice i give....thats harder.....accept who you are now not by what lessons you had to learn to get to where you are,who you are or the fact last time wasnt a success , because it wasnt a failure if you learned something....and jump with a clear heart right off your wall you built................deb Edited March 14, 2013 by todreaminblue 2
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Maybe I just feel that at 41, I am getting too old to keep riding this merry-go-round of emotion. It is devastating each time. More so then the last. I dunno. Maybe that means I am getting closer to finding what I am looking for. Wishful thinking, I guess 1
ThatJustHappened Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Maybe I just feel that at 41, I am getting too old to keep riding this merry-go-round of emotion. It is devastating each time. More so then the last. I dunno. Maybe that means I am getting closer to finding what I am looking for. Wishful thinking, I guess Have you considered therapy? It really helped me after my last break up. 1
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Yes, currently in it, now... 2
lovnlost Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Do this: Write down in detail what you feel you NEED in a relationship to be and feel happy, secure, and loved. Add whatever you want. Then write down what you absolutely will not abide. As men/women come and go from your dating life add and subtract to this list. Also your maturity and what you can deal with will grow as well. Remember this and adjust the list accordingly. This will help you spot red flags a mile away and help you steer clear of problematic individuals. It will be up to you thought to remain disciplined to it. And dont make the list or standard so high or difficult that you will not be able to cope with anyone. Everyone will have flaws, remember that, just make sure your expectations, which can be very unfair in a relationship, are not so high that nobody will be able to meet them. So keep the list somewhat short in the beginning. And dont tell them you made a list lol. 2
todreaminblue Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Maybe I just feel that at 41, I am getting too old to keep riding this merry-go-round of emotion. It is devastating each time. More so then the last. I dunno. Maybe that means I am getting closer to finding what I am looking for. Wishful thinking, I guess not wishful thinking....i am hopeful thinking too at 43....we will hope together....deb
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