Bad Timing Breakups

[AwptiK]

This isn't a story thread, but a discussion attempt..

 

I'm curious as to people's opinions on what happens/has happened/can happen to a breakup that was legitimately from bad timing on someone's part. School, work, moving, and any other time-restraints. That one time when "It's not you, it's me", is actually a legitimate reason for breaking up.

 

I'm sure everyone knows it all happens on a case-by-case basis, but i'm also sure that depending on time and how good things actually were, the general consensus is that for the most part both parties are at a loss and if that restraint weren't there, they wouldn't be apart.

 

Then of course, there's the length of that restraint and the fact that feelings would probably diminish over such time. I personally wouldn't recommend waiting, as time holds all the answers for us regardless.

 

Finally, I personally feel that if the reason is legitimate and things end on good terms, which is a simple thing to do when you can't change the things outside of a relationship, there's always that chance.

 

Opinions? Stories?

[singme2sleep]

I saw this thread, and clicked on it so fast that my head practically spun around lol.

 

Mine was a bad timing breakup, and I'm convinced that if "the world" hadn't gotten in the way...I'd still be with my ex.

 

Some individuals will tell you that if a relationship is string enough and meant to be, it will stand against anything. But life is not that black and white. Sometimes there are circumstances that are out of our control.

 

Two people can love each other and what we have to learn the hard way is that live isn't always enough. My boyfriend was the best thing that ever happened to me. He healed me, he strengthened me and he opened me up in ways I never thought possible. I know for a fact that he felt the same, we both knew we were right for each other. But he started going through a series of 'set backs' and the only way he knew how to handle it all was to end our relationship and fix things on his own. In the beginning I couldn't understand it, most people would rather have that shoulder to cry on, however as time went on (its been 2 months since we broke up) I realized where he was coming from. Without going into a lot if detail I now know he was right to do what he did. I think the stuff he had on his plate would have overwhelmed him to the point of resenting me and hurting "us" as a couple. Anyway, knowing this doesn't hurt less it just helps my mind to process it all.

 

So yes there is the awful Bad-Timing-Breakup and if only we could put out relationships in protective bubbles...in a perfect world lol.

 

I think if the love doesn't go away and the circumstances change, there is a possibility down the road. If both people still want it, and they are willing to start fresh with each other because picking up where you left off won't work for long.

 

Okay, that's my opinion!

[confused kitty]

Yes these "Bad Timing" break up do happen but they arent always long term..

 

Heres my full story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/323356-they-can-happen

 

Obviously it depends on circumstances and every situation is different but if both parties are honest with eachother and theres still love/attraction/chemistry then theres still a chance of starting over

[misskst]

I had what could be called a "bad timing" breakup. We dated for several months, but our life schedule made the several months of dating seem like one month. We went out 3 times in late April/early May of 2010, then he had a work-related trip abroad in the summer for a few months. When he came back in mid August, we saw each other every day. It was a magical time. But then he had to make the decision whether or not to move back to France in December. Of course, if this whole time we had stayed together, we'd had established enough foundation for me to have the encourage to ask him to stay, but we didn't. By September he realized that if we continued it'd just cause too much pain when he left in December, so he ended it.

 

Me? I was left inconsolable. But I didn't wait. There was no point. If he didn't feel for me enough to fight for it, he never will in the future. So why wait? We of course still run into each other whenever he visits from France. He always gave me the looks that made me fall in love in the first place. I'd fall in love with him all over again every time I see him. So I never want to see him again.

[AwptiK]

Thanks for the replies and stories everyone. I do agree that it's all about the timing and how much both parties felt at the end. Then, sometimes the stars have to line up just right a second time.

 

My own story is that my ex just broke things off Tuesday after nearly 3 months, because her new term at nursing school was much harder than expected and she needs the time to be able to focus on that and her 2-year old. I spoke my side and she said it's what's best for her right now, and I couldn't argue that. She said that it is unfair to keep me around if she doesn't have the time to offer us. I told her that I was here if she needed anything, then things ended on good terms.

 

I'm sure this weekend will be tough for her, compared to the past few days of still being at school...she's moving today and is actually away from school for the first time since the breakup. She'll end up unpacking things of mine and ours, the Monday would've marked the 3rd month.

 

I just can't be upset at her/things, when they ended how they did, besides hurting over memories. Better now than her unknowingly putting stress into the relationship and ending badly.

 

Her nursing school doesn't end for a year....and I hope she manages to find a better way to handle school/her kid before then. Not waiting around though. Time holds all the answers. I believe i'll call her (if I even remember), on her birthday in mid-April and leave a message while she's in school. Just a simple message that leaves her with total option, not obligation, to call or text me.

 

Last thought, I almost wonder if the tables are slightly turned in how bad-timing breakups affect the dumper/dumpee. It hurts as a dumpee for sure, but it's a respectable break. But I almost wonder that as a dumper, it might actually be harder. You're the one who has to make the call, has to realize that you can't give your relationship what you wish you could and having to live with knowing you're the one who ended something for things beyond control. Just a thought. I'm sure both parties hurt a lot as it is.

Edited March 15, 2013 by AwptiK

[singme2sleep]

confused kitty-

 

I read your story, and it's def inspiring. Your breakup reminds me a lot of mine actually, so I know you'll understand what I mean when I say it's very frustrating knowing you did nothing wrong to cause it. Although I do find myself sometimes wondering if I could have says or done anything to stop him from leaving. But I guess I'm just playing devil's advocate with myself because I was really supportive and there for him as much as he'd let me be. I just still miss him like crazy, still love him and wonder if he misses me too.

 

I read some of the other posters comments on your thread and I guess I'm in the same position as Kat was. I've been trying to tell myself to give him space and get on with my life. Though after reading your story I can't help but wonder if like your guy, mine is afraid to reach out. We haven't had contact in about 6.5 weeks and since then I've deactivated my facebook so he has no idea what I'm up to. I don't want him to think I've moved on and that the door is permanently closed for us, because as you mentioned, I too have this feeling deep down that it's not over. I just thought I shouldn't reach out again since the first time he didn't respond and the second was brief and didn't go anywhere.

 

Since you've gone through this, could you give me some advice? He had the same reasons for ending it as your guy did and it's been 2 months post breakup so I'm wondering if he regrets it/misses me. What should I do? What can I do in your opinion? If he doesn't contact me, are my hands tied?

[Compromize]

Me? I was left inconsolable. But I didn't wait. There was no point. If he didn't feel for me enough to fight for it, he never will in the future.

 

This!!!!

 

Life throws you so many curves and obstacles that the person that says they want to be with you and loves you unconditionally and you are their soul-mate wouldn't let this stuff (life) get in the way. They would fight through these obstacles WITH YOU and cherish the experience. This is what makes true couples grow closer and have a stronger bond (IMO).

 

There is no such thing as bad timing. It's either we want to be together and make it work or not.

 

The people that leave us when things get difficult do not belong in our lives in the first place.

[thefooloftheyear]

This isn't a story thread, but a discussion attempt..

 

I'm curious as to people's opinions on what happens/has happened/can happen to a breakup that was legitimately from bad timing on someone's part. School, work, moving, and any other time-restraints. That one time when "It's not you, it's me", is actually a legitimate reason for breaking up.

 

I'm sure everyone knows it all happens on a case-by-case basis, but i'm also sure that depending on time and how good things actually were, the general consensus is that for the most part both parties are at a loss and if that restraint weren't there, they wouldn't be apart.

 

Then of course, there's the length of that restraint and the fact that feelings would probably diminish over such time. I personally wouldn't recommend waiting, as time holds all the answers for us regardless.

 

Finally, I personally feel that if the reason is legitimate and things end on good terms, which is a simple thing to do when you can't change the things outside of a relationship, there's always that chance.

 

Opinions? Stories?

 

All ill say to this is that "maybe" these relationships stand a better chance at a reconciliation down the road..

 

But.....

 

What would you say then to someone who doesn't leave a partner even though they got thrown in jail for a period of time? Happens all the time. That person waits and visits and remains bonded to that individual.

 

Or how about the case where the one partner stays and forgives the other despite repeated infidelities..

 

Bottom line is that all types of hardships are thrown at people. The ones that are TRULY bonded dont leave. Period.

 

Some of these excuses like "I need more space" or I have too much schoolwork, etc are just ridiculous. Trivial in comparison.

 

If you feel like it gives you hope then so be it. But I just dont see why anyone gets rid of another for ANY trivial reason. Abuse, abandonment, etc are all good reasons. Some of the others that are cited just dont fly.

 

TFOY