PatsFan Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 I’ve been lurking on this board for a while and have finally decided to post because of a situation I’m in and would love some advice from you all. I’ll start off with a quick history… I have been with my boyfriend for almost six months, we are both 22. Things started out a little rocky between us at first. This was mostly due to some issues he had from his past. He has been cheated on by two girls, one was with a friend of his, and both have affected him greatly. So he has some trust issues to start with. Another problem we had was his lack of affection. We spoke about this and I told him it was important to me. I am not a demanding girlfriend. I don’t ask for much, but I would love for him to randomly kiss or hug me or hold my hand. He wouldn’t understand why we weren’t having sex, but how can I have sex with someone who I can’t even get to hold my hand? On top of the affection problem, I also felt like he didn’t really care all that much about me. He refuses to let anyone know that they have any affect on him and once told me during a fight that he wouldn’t care if I left him. We’ll be in front of friends and he’ll make a comment about someone being whipped and how “no girl would ever do that to him.” I try and tell him that sometimes it’s not about being whipped, but about just liking someone so much that you find yourself doing silly or stupid things. And no one really thinks any less of you for it because chances are they’ve done it themselves. But like I said, he admitted to me that he wouldn’t let me know that I have any affect on him. So these issues were the cause of my wanting to break up with him the first time. But after much pleading and him asked me to help him change, I agreed we could work on it. So things went great for a while, but then it all stopped. No affection…I could walk into his place without so much as a nod. He would tell me he was tired from work, but I don’t think a simple hello is asking to much. The breaking point for me was when he told me that he thought we acted more like friends than b/f and g/f simply because we don’t have sex. I would agree with that but more based on the fact that he shows no affection for me. So sure, walking down the street we probably do look like friends. So again I told him that this might not be working. He didn’t speak to me for about a week, then called back very upset. He told me that he had wanted this to work, and that I was perfect. And how he had just been talking to his Mom about how perfect I was for him. This was not what I was expecting and I began to wonder if I had made a mistake. But he left it saying that I had finally gotten rid of him and if I thought this could work to call him. So I called him asking if we could just talk in person. It has now been two weeks. He has called me here and there, but explains that he’s very busy. But I’ll see his away messages and they’ll say that he’s practicing playing his bass or drinking. So apparently he’s not that busy. And I find it hard to believe that he couldn’t fit me in somewhere in those two weeks. I’m not asking for five hours of his day…just an hour or so. So I guess my question is if this is even worth it? Should I just let this go? Sorry this is so long…thanks in advance!
overseas2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Are ya serious? You really want to know if you should let this go or not? The guy is obviously not that into you. He keeps you around until he finds something better and it seems he has. GET RID OF HIM...
BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 It is pretty obvious the interest in your relationship was not mutual. You have tried not once, but twice to get something kindled to no avail. I think at this point you really need to move on to find something more meaningful. Perhaps he isn't that affectionate, perhaps he may was just seeking sex. Either way it is obvious you want more affection in your relationship and even though you're not asking for more time, try to maintain the perspective. If a man really wants to be with a woman, he would want to spend as much time with her as he can. Even if he isnt able to give her a lot of time do to career, school, family emergency, etc, he would still try to maintain an excellent quality of his time with his woman. I am certain you have already had your last cry over this situation and your decision, so just cut your losses and look for what it is you really want.
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