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Ex girlfriend dosnt want a relationship but says she loves me.


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Posted (edited)

First of all Hello, im a many time reader but first time poster

 

so here goes, (apologies for the length)

 

6 months ago I met a gorgeous and amazing lady on an internet dating site.Im 39 and she’s 34. We have both been married previously. I was recently separatedfrom a very stagnant marriage, and she was recently separated from a boyfriendwho she had been with for just under 2 years. (the boyfriend was not a niceman, messed her about loads of time, cheated on her and wasn’t nice, she hadleft him once previously but he charmed her back and because of the love shehad for him, she went back only to be let down again)

We started dating and instantly we had an amazing connection, all our likes,our wants in life, the things we did together were just a perfect match.

soon we were dating seriously, me spending every spare minute with her wheni could, and although not at first she then introduced me to her 3 childrenwhich then became a part of our meeting and we would all go out and do thingstogether. I would spend several evenings a week around hers, and most freeweekends. We did everything together.

The whole relationship was so easy, we were always at ease with each otherand everything seemed so natural and free flowing.

As time went on we grew closer than ever, both of us admitting we had fallenin love (if im honest i fell quite deep as she seemed to the one i was meant tobe with for the rest of my life)

Over the 6 months i got to know her family and she got to know mine, regularlymeeting up for Sunday lunch.

Was getting to the point where we had started lightly talking about the future,nothing serious, just houses we wanted, what dog we would get, things likethat. Every minute together was amazing and the more we were together the morewe wanted to be together.

Then last Sunday, she said to me that she didn’t think it was right for usto carry on. She had a small doubt in her mind which would come and go, butthis time she couldn’t shake it off. The following night she invited me around,saying she wanted to explain, so i went

Basically what she said was this doubt had been niggling away at her for acouple of months, she couldn’t explain what it was but felt that something wasn’tright. The whole time she was in tears and i could see the struggle in her eyes.She told me i was an amazing man, so kind and warm hearted, and she loved medearly and i was perfect in every way, but she couldn’t continue with thisdoubt in her head. She mentioned that she thought that maybe she wasn’t completelyready in her life for a relationship after the previous boyfriend.

She then went on to say that even though she couldn’t be in a relationshipwith me, she couldn’t bear to lose me as a friend as we had also became best friendand told each other everything. I could see in her eyes the love she had forme, and how hard it was for her to tell me this. Things went on and we chatted for a couple ofhours, I left with her saying that I shouldn’t see her for a week as i was obviously heartbroken,but she would text me every day and chat to me in the evenings.

So I went away realising i need to give her space, and try to come to termswith my emotions. True to her word she textme constantly over the next 3 days, just general chat and laughs as we havealways done, but the second day after the split she said she was passing and didi want her to pop in for a cup of coffee, I said no as didn’t think it wasright the way i was feeling. But thentoday, as I had a day off work, got a text from her saying she was comingaround with lunch. I said yes and wespent several hours in each other’s company. At no point did I go on about how much I missed her, I kept happy and cheerfuland we had a good time. (this of course all coming after she said we shouldn’t seeeach other for a week

 

After the 2 hours of general chatting, she invited me to her son’s birthday party,to go bowling and dinner after, said that she would love for me to go, and herparents and kids would love to see me to. Also she invited me to Sunday dinner in 2 weeks and also said that weshould go to the cinema in a week or 2. Throughout the 2 hours she was constantly touching me, those littleflirty touches you get when you’re chatting with somebody you like. A touch on the hand, or the leg.

 

She left my place giving me the biggest warmest smile.

 

Now here is my dilemma, obviously i want to be with her, but after hersaying we should not see each other for a week and that she wasn’t ready for arelationship, then asking to come around, also she was always the first to textand communicate, i never connected her, only replied to her messages. What’sgoing on? I’ve taken a step back as mythinking is if i keep my distance she will miss what we had, and miss me.

Im more than willing to be friends with her so going to spend time with herwhen she asks, do things as friends, but also worried if i am this best friendwhat are the chances of me having a relationship in the future. She said something along the lines of thatmaybe i was the right bloke at the wrong time.

Question is what do I do, she seems to still want loads of contact with meand do things with her, even though she was the one who suggested no contactface to face for a week.

I want her back but know i have to give her time, what are my chances? Know she only wants friendship right now butthe sighs she gives say more. Do i justtake a step back and let her call the shots (which i have always done throughthe relationship) but at the same time do i accept all these invites to spendtime with her.

 

Sorry for the essay but your thoughts would be good

 

Is this just a phase, d ii have a chance of having a relationship with her,or should i just be happy that she wants to be in my life as a friend

 

Thanks in advance.

Edited by m144had
Posted

Yeah she wants you to satisfy her loneliness until she finds someone else. and when that happens, you will see her less and less and probably fade away.

 

Go complete NC, and after sometimes if you really do miss her, contact her and see hows shes doing. If you want to be friends with her you cannot have feelings towards her, take time apart.. it will make you better for the long run.

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