na49 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 How old are you singme2sleep? No debates or anything, we're all just giving you our input because that's what we're supposed to do. We're also not going to tell you what you want to hear sometimes. It's for your own benefit when people do this. anyway, you obviously aren't close to being over him. When you are, you won't be feeling the way you feel now. I know moving on and becoming indifferent seems impossible and seems so far away it feels like you'll never get there. You will though. If you want to. If you never want to get over him, then you'll be here for a LOOOOONNNGGGG time. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 So, if this person wasn't right for us, hence the breakup, what will make the next one right. Or is it just a series of wrongs (and pain)? How do we know when we should stop waiting for the next one? What if we though for sure this was the right one? Or the next one is the right one. Or the next one after that? Seems like a losing battle...
ThatJustHappened Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 So, if this person wasn't right for us, hence the breakup, what will make the next one right. Or is it just a series of wrongs (and pain)? How do we know when we should stop waiting for the next one? What if we though for sure this was the right one? Or the next one is the right one. Or the next one after that? Seems like a losing battle... What if a car hits you on the way to work? What if you win the lottery? If you spend your life asking 'what if', you'll never do, see, or have anything. Also, you can't wait around for things to happen to you..you have to make them happen. Do you really think the next 'right' person is going to fall into your lap? If you're not putting yourself out there and making an effort, of course you'll never meet anyone. OP I hope you disregard this and don't adopt this attitude towards your own life. You have so much in front of you and plenty of time to accomplish it. This kind of negativity will never get you anywhere.
lovnlost Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I posted this on someone elses post a while back but I think it holds true here as well. Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. "Love is perenial as the grass" Love will come and go in your life and no person, nor level or feeling of love will be the same. Sometimes it is greater, and sometimes it is less. But I assure you this is not the end. There will be others that come across your path. And as you learn and grow from this experience you will be better able and equipped to deal with that experience when it comes. I have been in 3 serious relationships in the last 10 years and I am 35. I loved each on differently and each new relationship was more than the previous in many ways, in some ways I did not love them the same. Thats not to say I loved them less....it was simply different. I fully expect that I will love again, and these experiences will make whoever that lucky person is, myself, and us stronger and better in the long run. So take heart. Remember no two things happen the same way twice.....ever. Each new experience is different than than the last and becareful when you compare the two otherwise you put unfair expectations on the new person in your life at some point. I know you are hurting right now. I know how bad it sucks and the places our hearts and heads leads us. It is unfortunate. But where there is a will, you will find away and the one that is for you. You have plenty of time to sort things out and find out what worked and didnt and help mold something better in the future. It will be trial and error as we are only human. But be fair, and expect that YOU, will find love again in a manner that will blow you away. You are close to God, remember that. He has a plan for you and will put people before you that are necessary. Trust in the unknown a bit and have faith, although I know it is hard now. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 na49- I'm 25. And it's not that I don't want to ever get over him and be happy again. It's just that I thought he was THE ONE and even though the relationship is over, I haven't gotten to the point where it's sunk in that he wasn't. Like I said in another post, I don't get past things easily, it prob takes more time for me than other people. But I am trying. Lovnlost- You are so very wise lol. That's all I was trying to say, that no two loves are ever the same. And each relationship teaches you and helps you evolve.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Sorry, not trying to be negative! Just what is pumping through my veins right now is all. I'm usually a much more positive person. Just need some time I guess...
oracle Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) I'm sorry but that IS depressing! Welcome to life. You aren't entitled to anything. Its what u make of what comes your way Edited March 15, 2013 by oracle
destroyed4sho Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Today's Thoughts: Someday I will be ok, someday I will prob be over him. And maybe I'll even meet a new guy, but one thing is for sure...I will never love another man as much as I loved him. This relationship was different from others I've been in. I know that stupid expression "there's other fish in the sea" but that fish was one of a kind. Anybody else agree with my feelings? Bahahaha.. I have to laugh at your post...reminds me of my own silly thoughts I had many times. It always feels like the last one was sooo special until you meet the next one...
blue_jay_bird Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) What iv been told. Is we are romanticizing this person and connection. Cause really if this connection was so great...where are they? Wouldn't they be fighting for it too. In reality, their where things that bothered the other person and he/she didn't feel this connection. Can you really have a connection if its one sided. .. Thats just sad. Just think about when a boy had a crush on you and you felt nothing for them. He thought you too had a connection. HOW did you feel? Edited March 15, 2013 by blue_jay_bird
Amelie1980 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Bahahaha.. I have to laugh at your post...reminds me of my own silly thoughts I had many times. It always feels like the last one was sooo special until you meet the next one... Rubbish...has no one.had a bad relationship. The.next.one could be the worst ever 2
ThatJustHappened Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Rubbish...has no one.had a bad relationship. The.next.one could be the worst ever I don't know if you're being deliberately argumentative or if you truly didn't understand the point of that post, but either way, you're taking it far too literally.
Amelie1980 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I don't know if you're being deliberately argumentative or if you truly didn't understand the point of that post, but either way, you're taking it far too literally. Not argumentative just realistic.......the next r'ship May be worse not better.
Author singme2sleep Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 What iv been told. Is we are romanticizing this person and connection. Cause really if this connection was so great...where are they? Wouldn't they be fighting for it too. In reality, their where things that bothered the other person and he/she didn't feel this connection. Can you really have a connection if its one sided. .. Thats just sad. Just think about when a boy had a crush on you and you felt nothing for them. He thought you too had a connection. HOW did you feel? It's not about romanticizing, it's about knowing what you had with someone and realizing that doesn't come along everyday. I'm sorry but I don't have that kind of chemistry with each guy I pass on the street!
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Yeah, I kind of feel like she might have been the best one too, and now G O N E... Especially being a bit older and been through several relationships. Experience tells me she was something special and might not be so easily replaced...
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 But I also do agree with the romanticizing thing. Hard not to though at this point. But when I really think about it, it wasn't all great all the time. Much if it was awesome, especially at the beginning, but later, much of it was less and less great, on both sides...
destroyed4sho Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Today's Thoughts: Someday I will be ok, someday I will prob be over him. And maybe I'll even meet a new guy, but one thing is for sure...I will never love another man as much as I loved him. This relationship was different from others I've been in. I know that stupid expression "there's other fish in the sea" but that fish was one of a kind. Anybody else agree with my feelings? They are ALL 'one of a kind'...everyone on here swears up and down that their ex was one of a kind....how many "one of a kinds" are there in the world??...sounds like there are sooo many. Your ex was "one of a kind" but not the kind that wants to be with you. You will meet another "one of a kind" eventually that wants to be with you and HE will be your True One and Only "one of a kind". 1
destroyed4sho Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Rubbish...has no one.had a bad relationship. The.next.one could be the worst ever LOL...it could be...but I like to think that maybe the next one is going to be the ONE. How am I suppose to move on if I think my future is going to be filled with horrible relationships?...I might as well go back and beg my freaken ex to come back to me, give her affection and not ask for anything in return, be her friend and her doormat. I want to imagine that there are people better than her in this world..and I KNOW there are. I think this ex was the Worst relationship I had and the one I was most in love with..go figure. But now I am armed with experience and I will be a little bit more cautious when someone promises me the world in a matter of months. I will be damned if I fall for another rotten apple again. Truly, I am scared of the unknown and I am worried that this will happen again but knowing what I know now, I think I can do a bit better in filtering people out.
wallflowers Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Today's Thoughts: Someday I will be ok, someday I will prob be over him. And maybe I'll even meet a new guy, but one thing is for sure...I will never love another man as much as I loved him. This relationship was different from others I've been in. I know that stupid expression "there's other fish in the sea" but that fish was one of a kind. Anybody else agree with my feelings? I agree with you. But only because I'm feeling the same thing at the present moment. Everyone I talk to who has been in my shoes disagrees with me...which gives me a glimmer of hope and something to look forward to. However, I do know that even though I may love someone more somewhere down the line, I will never love them the way I loved him. Maybe I will just as much...but differently, as it's pretty self-explanatory that no other person will ever replace him. 1
destroyed4sho Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 It's not about romanticizing, it's about knowing what you had with someone and realizing that doesn't come along everyday. I'm sorry but I don't have that kind of chemistry with each guy I pass on the street! Thank God you don't. If you did you'd be miserable. The chemistry was one sided ...if they felt what you really felt, they wouldn't have left you. It was an illusion and to them, it was a temporary light feeling that can be discarded at any time and replaced with something/someone else.
travelonic Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Regarding the OP's title, "But it will never be the same...", true - but who says it necessarily has to carry a negative connotation? Maybe it will be different in a good sense, better even - then again, maybe not, but only time will tell.
Author singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Thank God you don't. If you did you'd be miserable. The chemistry was one sided ...if they felt what you really felt, they wouldn't have left you. It was an illusion and to them, it was a temporary light feeling that can be discarded at any time and replaced with something/someone else. I'm not trying to be rude, but you have no place to say that the chemistry in my relationship was one sided. Life isn't merely black and white, there are grey areas. Two people can breakup for reasons other than lack of feelings. I know what I shared with my ex, and you can assume what it was or wasn't -but that's it. Please remember that you are only giving your OPINION! 1
StraylightRun24 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 My two cents from my personal experiences....there will be another "the one" for all of us on this board. I truly believe we all have someone else out in the world that could end up being our next eventual "one and only." In 28 years I have met 2 women that I could have seen me spending the rest of my life with and you know what, they are complete opposites! Physically, socially, fashion sense, degree of education, etc. The 1st Girl (who I'm still very good friends with BTW): Half Asian, Quarter Greek, Quarter Italian. Very exotic looking. Probably best described as HOT. Slender body type. Social butterfly and extremely flirty with every guy in the room (I don't know how her husband deals with her!). Dropped out of college. More of a club fashion sense. I hate to say this but materialistic (hey we all have our flaws!). Loved to go out and be the center of attention. My Current Ex: Northern European descent. Extremely pale. More womanly curves. Probably best described as CUTE. While social not exactly the social butterfly Girl #1 is/was and isn't a flirt. Took her education very serious and graduated with honors from her University. Passion for music. Loves to wear dresses when going out and has a very retro vibe in her fashion sense. Not materialistic at all. More than happy to stay in and watch a movie and cuddle on the coach. These two girls are definitely polar opposites besides the fact that they are very good people and I fell pretty hard for both of them. So don't sell yourselves short and think your current ex is it. Yea the next one is going to be different but different can be a good thing!
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 The chemistry was one sided ...if they felt what you really felt, they wouldn't have left you. It was an illusion and to them, it was a temporary light feeling that can be discarded at any time and replaced with something/someone else. Not to sound like the ultimate pessimist and super negative, but is it ever really two sided, or just different degrees of one-sided??? I've been on both sides, but not sure if truly 'two sided' really exists Seems like as one feels stronger and moves in closer, the other moves away, and vice verca. I think I may be referring to that "Push / Pull" theory I've read about somewhere??
Bluerain Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 We were together for almost 18 years! He adored me, he must have done I guess but it makes no sense now, swore undying love until the night before he left, I was hit by a ten ton truck, the shock was something that has taken me months to deal with! Turns out he met another woman 3 weeks before he dumped me, I found this out after he left...he has no idea I know! I went NC immediately, have never broken it...I know it's the only thing that saved me, I was in a very bad way...still am at times...but 10 months NC now and I'm starting to see a light at the end of this awful nightmare! Please listen to the above post, they are right in everything they say. 18 years and I don't exist, 18 years of history, I wish him well...but just a teeny bit of karma one day would be cool lol! Hey, you can do this...most of us on here have, it wont be easy but please please I promise you...it does get easier. I hope for me the pain will eventually go all together, I'm sure it will but above all I have my self respect and dignity...and that's something he will never take away from me...or ever have for himself. I doubt very much that I will ever love anyone like I did him, no way will I ever go through this horrific pain...never. Hugs x
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