Navajo46 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I have went through like a pyramid of emotions in the past 4 months or so. I was first in shock and really showed no emotions at all. Then, I was in the typical sad/angry stage. Then, I went through a period of getting much much better and now I seem to be regressing pretty badly. I cannot help but miss her. We were supposed to get married and trust me when I tell you that it took a lot for me to get to the mindset of even wanting to be married. Now she is with her boss who actually did just leave his wife and get his own place so I am sure they are doing whatever. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't curious about how that was going to pan out. She is 34 and has a 16 year old... he is 44 and separated and has two kids. What's crazy is that I have gotten so much good news in the past month or so about a lot of things. I am making a ton of money, made a lot of connections with business that is going to enable me to make even more money. Got a new motorcycle for the summer that I always wanted. Just a bunch of things and I am not even enjoying this. I am trying so hard to move on and my heart is just not letting me. I have dated a ton of women in the past and never had what we had. Six years and finally wanting more in my life and its gone. I found myself in the most foul mood yesterday because she is not in my life. Where is my dignity and self respect? I keep making excuses for what she did one minute and the next despise her for it. How can you still love someone and hate them at the same time. I could easily go out and find another girl but I just don't have the desire at all. I am so sick of this.
Thunderchild Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Sounds like you're in a very strong position to move on - which is what I suggest you do. She's moved in with her boss?? And, he's dumped his wife to move in with her?? Let's see if he goes back to wifey, whenthe shine has worn off and he starts missing the kids! Then, your ex will really be in the crapola - and, possibly out of a job! If boss does go back to wifey and she chases after you again, have fun making her beg - then ditch her, and move on!
Author Navajo46 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 It's weird because I feel like I am at the brink of moving on but just can't get over the final hump. I have obviously spoken to some friends about the situation over the past few months and it seems that I am the only one that believes it is going to work out between them. It truthfully is not my concern anymore, but I think it will work. They have a lot in common... work together obviously so they see each other every single day. Both have bunch of animals which they love. Let's face it, he is an older man who has a young hottie pining for him... however she is very immature. That relationship will go as far as he wants to take it and my opinion is he is going to try to take care of her and her son. I seriously am just sick of not being able to move on fully. I couldn't take her back so what does it matter?
orionboxing Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I have went through like a pyramid of emotions in the past 4 months or so. I was first in shock and really showed no emotions at all. Then, I was in the typical sad/angry stage. Then, I went through a period of getting much much better and now I seem to be regressing pretty badly. I cannot help but miss her. We were supposed to get married and trust me when I tell you that it took a lot for me to get to the mindset of even wanting to be married. Now she is with her boss who actually did just leave his wife and get his own place so I am sure they are doing whatever. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't curious about how that was going to pan out. She is 34 and has a 16 year old... he is 44 and separated and has two kids. What's crazy is that I have gotten so much good news in the past month or so about a lot of things. I am making a ton of money, made a lot of connections with business that is going to enable me to make even more money. Got a new motorcycle for the summer that I always wanted. Just a bunch of things and I am not even enjoying this. I am trying so hard to move on and my heart is just not letting me. I have dated a ton of women in the past and never had what we had. Six years and finally wanting more in my life and its gone. I found myself in the most foul mood yesterday because she is not in my life. Where is my dignity and self respect? I keep making excuses for what she did one minute and the next despise her for it. How can you still love someone and hate them at the same time. I could easily go out and find another girl but I just don't have the desire at all. I am so sick of this. These feelings are normal. Like you, I had no emotion about my split until many, many months later. It was a strange boomerang effect....and I was the one who called it off. It is also normal not to desire anyone especially if your heart is with someone else. Even when I was showing no emotion I had no urge to date others. Very strange series of events. I urge you to date, but not to get in a committed relationship right now. It’s even OK to get friendzoned a few times. Use it for practice and for comfort. The relationship between your ex and this new guy won’t last – I’d be willing to put money on it. The wounds are still too fresh with the both of them and they are still grieving the losses they went through. They are moving in together? That is reactionary, needy, and a poor decision. They WON’T make it. Imagine if YOU moved in with someone…can you imagine how that would turn out? Go no contact for a long time. Don’t even try to think about her. If she tries to reconcile, get tough with her and tell her what you will and will not stand for. Let her know that she is on a very short leash.
js1967 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Keeping the self respect and confidence for me is the hardest part. Just from an outside opinion on what I read here, it sounds like you have a great foundation to possible bury this and move on. Im in a rather negative point myself...This love thing is the worst curse God ever put on us.
Author Navajo46 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 These feelings are normal. Like you, I had no emotion about my split until many, many months later. It was a strange boomerang effect....and I was the one who called it off. It is also normal not to desire anyone especially if your heart is with someone else. Even when I was showing no emotion I had no urge to date others. Very strange series of events. I urge you to date, but not to get in a committed relationship right now. It’s even OK to get friendzoned a few times. Use it for practice and for comfort. The relationship between your ex and this new guy won’t last – I’d be willing to put money on it. The wounds are still too fresh with the both of them and they are still grieving the losses they went through. They are moving in together? That is reactionary, needy, and a poor decision. They WON’T make it. Imagine if YOU moved in with someone…can you imagine how that would turn out? Go no contact for a long time. Don’t even try to think about her. If she tries to reconcile, get tough with her and tell her what you will and will not stand for. Let her know that she is on a very short leash. I appreciate the response. I am curious, what was your situation? You called it off and then what? It is very weird how our hearts and minds react to circumstances. For me, i know i could never take this girl back however i shutter to think of my response if that actually happened. Its even more crazy when i know i can get way hotter women as i have in the past but i think i grew up... Lol. That no longer matters to me as much.
Author Navajo46 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Keeping the self respect and confidence for me is the hardest part. Just from an outside opinion on what I read here, it sounds like you have a great foundation to possible bury this and move on. Im in a rather negative point myself...This love thing is the worst curse God ever put on us. I agree.... In one of my last posts i believe it was geegirl that told me that my feelings are directly tied to my opinions about myself. I wholeheartedly agree with her assessment. I am so NOT confident about myself right now thatit is pathetic. The silver lining for me is that i know once i am back to myself i will be an over confident person. I havent been confident for years, unfortunately that is a biproduct of getting comfortable for me. I will move on at some point, i just dont know how long it would take i guess. I have a ton going for me and just have to get over the hump.
lovelifexx Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Navajo, I know exactly how you feel. It has been almost 4 months for me and I am regressing. At first I was in so much pain, really really sad. And then I started to accept it and slowly felt like I was getting better. I was trying my hardest to forget him. Now though, I feel like I am missing him more like when we first broke up. It's getting worse again. Most be something about the 4 month mark....
Author Navajo46 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Navajo, I know exactly how you feel. It has been almost 4 months for me and I am regressing. At first I was in so much pain, really really sad. And then I started to accept it and slowly felt like I was getting better. I was trying my hardest to forget him. Now though, I feel like I am missing him more like when we first broke up. It's getting worse again. Most be something about the 4 month mark.... I know, its weird right? I guess in some cases absence makes the heart grow fonder. Its easy for the dumper when they have already found someone like in my case. She had never had a long term relationship before me because of her son and I am sure everything is new and sparkly for her. As i mentioned prior though, for me i had dated a ton of women and just never had a connection like that. Its tough knowing that my ex will never give me a second thought. Her friend a few weeks ago pretty much confirmed that maybe deep down she misses me but she is in the new relationship... That means that she does not miss me. But you know what, maybe this guy is better for her. None of us are perfect but maybe it is a better match with them. I just need to get to the point where my heart tells me that same thing... I can find a better match. My mind says it all the time.
misswillow Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 This love thing is the worst curse God ever put on us. Wow, can't say I disagree right now.
Indio Negrito Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Whaddup Navajo46, Im 15 months post-bu, dominating in every aspect of my life, but like you, still cant completely **** her out of my system. I too commanded many hotties in the past and still reel em' in but its just not the same as you mentioned. However, I can tell you that Love is real brother - it does exist. You're probably a lot like me in that I was carved from stone and it took a lot for me to open up and give in to all that love has you do...lol. I dont hide from what I feel by drowning it out with alcohol, drugs or promiscuity as I dont think its a healthy way to grow and evolve from a life experience that had such an affect on you. Having said that, I think coming here and talking with friends does help as it reminds us that although we come from different walks of life, the common denominator is failed relationships which is a right of passage it seems. From the sound of it - it seems like youre mentally over it but still have the pangs of love grasping on to your heart which is normal after what you felt for this person. What should give you a sigh of relief is the fact her true nature has been exposed and eventually bro, you'll be thanking the stars for it coming to an end! Focus on doing you right now and if at some point in the future she comes around - remember this time - acknowledge who've youve grown to become - and deal with her as a gentleman. I know a lot of responses will have suggested revenge but two wrongs dont make a right - be a man, show her and others you're bigger than that. Im a firm believer you get what you put out there so dont undermine yourself. Good luck!
orionboxing Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) I appreciate the response. I am curious, what was your situation? You called it off and then what? It is very weird how our hearts and minds react to circumstances. For me, i know i could never take this girl back however i shutter to think of my response if that actually happened. Its even more crazy when i know i can get way hotter women as i have in the past but i think i grew up... Lol. That no longer matters to me as much. My wife was constantly mean to me, putting me down, we weren't having sex. I put my foot down after 3 very hard years together and asked for a divorce. We shared a house together and toughed it out until we sold it and we moved out. I had no contact with her for 3-4 months. Then out of nowhere, I developed these strange feelings for her one day. I have no clue why. Absence from my life? Remember good times? Not sure. I have had to deal with her in person on a couple of occasions after I developed these feelings again, and she is still mean while I chose to be mature and friendly. She has no idea of how I feel about her now...I kept that to myself....so as far as she knows....I'm not sitting around just thinking about her all day (and that's good). She is supposedly seeing someone, but she told me to make jealous. Whatever you do, do NOT PLEAD AND BEG for her to come back. Do not reveal your feelings. You'll regret it!!!! Act like nothing bothers you. Women like strength. ETA: My facebook is public, and I've got all sorts of younger women talking to me. I put myself out there and got people complimenting me. I know damn well she probably checks on my page and she's seeing my communication with them....and I'm sure it's eating her up! KARMA~!!!! Edited March 14, 2013 by orionboxing
Author Navajo46 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Whaddup Navajo46, Im 15 months post-bu, dominating in every aspect of my life, but like you, still cant completely **** her out of my system. I too commanded many hotties in the past and still reel em' in but its just not the same as you mentioned. However, I can tell you that Love is real brother - it does exist. You're probably a lot like me in that I was carved from stone and it took a lot for me to open up and give in to all that love has you do...lol. I dont hide from what I feel by drowning it out with alcohol, drugs or promiscuity as I dont think its a healthy way to grow and evolve from a life experience that had such an affect on you. Having said that, I think coming here and talking with friends does help as it reminds us that although we come from different walks of life, the common denominator is failed relationships which is a right of passage it seems. From the sound of it - it seems like youre mentally over it but still have the pangs of love grasping on to your heart which is normal after what you felt for this person. What should give you a sigh of relief is the fact her true nature has been exposed and eventually bro, you'll be thanking the stars for it coming to an end! Focus on doing you right now and if at some point in the future she comes around - remember this time - acknowledge who've youve grown to become - and deal with her as a gentleman. I know a lot of responses will have suggested revenge but two wrongs dont make a right - be a man, show her and others you're bigger than that. Im a firm believer you get what you put out there so dont undermine yourself. Good luck! Thanks very much for this response. I have been through so many different emotions that this has sort of reminded me to be grounded. Be thankful for the 6 years that we had. I grew tremendously from it and through this relationship it made me realize what i want out of life. It made me realize that i want a family at some point. Before her, all i knew was working, working out and runnin around with different women. I go from loving her, to despising her, to every emotion the human body can have towards her... And as you said cant completely get her out of my system. I miss the laughing we had constantly and tge fact that we knew each other so well. I have no doubt in the future i will look back at the experience fondly but also never forget how things ended. You and i are very similar, i am a hard nut to crack in the beginning but once you get through the shell i had all the love in the world to share. I am not a cheater or a liar and never have been. I am the type that doesnt say i love you until i know i really mean it. When i do i do wverything i can to show it instead of just saying the words. Well, i know i will find another love someday. But on one hand this experience showed me what i want in life, but on the other hand it has broken all the trust i had left in women so we will have to see what happens. In regards to my ex if we ever talk again i will be nothing but respectful and leave the past in the past.
Author Navajo46 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 My wife was constantly mean to me, putting me down, we weren't having sex. I put my foot down after 3 very hard years together and asked for a divorce. We shared a house together and toughed it out until we sold it and we moved out. I had no contact with her for 3-4 months. Then out of nowhere, I developed these strange feelings for her one day. I have no clue why. Absence from my life? Remember good times? Not sure. I have had to deal with her in person on a couple of occasions after I developed these feelings again, and she is still mean while I chose to be mature and friendly. She has no idea of how I feel about her now...I kept that to myself....so as far as she knows....I'm not sitting around just thinking about her all day (and that's good). She is supposedly seeing someone, but she told me to make jealous. Whatever you do, do NOT PLEAD AND BEG for her to come back. Do not reveal your feelings. You'll regret it!!!! Act like nothing bothers you. Women like strength. ETA: My facebook is public, and I've got all sorts of younger women talking to me. I put myself out there and got people complimenting me. I know damn well she probably checks on my page and she's seeing my communication with them....and I'm sure it's eating her up! KARMA~!!!! I know what you mean. I have not given her any indication that i care anymore even when we broke up. I was hard as stone . I went through christmas, valentines day, her birthday and our anniversary is this weekend with no text or communication whatsoever. I dont think anything is eating my ex up except her new guy. I am like everyone on here wishing that i would see some small sign that she cared even though tgey dont want to admit it.
cavalier99 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Month 4 for me was hard and i felt like i had regressed. This is when the reality TRULY hits that they are not coming back ever. We knew this all along but it is different than in the earlier months when there was still some false hope. Early on after we make these massive improvements, but in the back of our mind it is still about THEM and the BU. Now it becomes all about US and it is sorta depressing and i also got angry. This transition is normal IMO. The coping mechanism that worked earlier don't work as well and you need to adapt to the new concept of this is you new single life. So in summary it feels like a step back but in reality it is a step forward. Cav 2
Author Navajo46 Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Month 4 for me was hard and i felt like i had regressed. This is when the reality TRULY hits that they are not coming back ever. We knew this all along but it is different than in the earlier months when there was still some false hope. Early on after we make these massive improvements, but in the back of our mind it is still about THEM and the BU. Now it becomes all about US and it is sorta depressing and i also got angry. This transition is normal IMO. The coping mechanism that worked earlier don't work as well and you need to adapt to the new concept of this is you new single life. So in summary it feels like a step back but in reality it is a step forward. Cav Yep, definitely getting worse. The pains in my chest are making me feel like i am having a heart attack. The worst for me is sitting at home at night by myself. Almost every night now i go to a bar down the street and have a few beers and lately that has been depressing me even more. I know alcohol is not the way to cope, but it is my only solution for now. I go to work during the day and the gym and it just isnt enough to keep me busy right now. The thoughts keep creeping into my head that this new guy spends every single day at work with her telling her the things she wants to hear etc. how do i shut my mind off? I laid in bed last night with the same thoughts... Get out of my head!!!
cavalier99 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 This is the time you really need to work on controlling your thoughts and stop them from drifting. In fact try to stop thinking so much and stay in the now. Put a rubber band on you wrist and snap it when thoughs drift in. Also practice taking 5 or 10 deep breaths and pulling your mind into the present. Also cry again if you need to even if it has been a while. Sometimes it builds up and you need to let it out and surrender Read a book on meditation also. You'll pull thru this. Rock on! Cav 2
Recommended Posts