Broken

[rikatika]

Good Morning! A friend of mine suggested I check out this site. Said it might help. Doesn't feel like anything else will, so I figured it can't hurt.

 

I've recently left my fiancee, after quite a few years. I left because he could be extremely verbally abusive, especially when he was drinking. I've tried so many times to talk to him about how much he was hurting me, but somehow, it was always my fault. We even split up once before, and I told him things had to change. And they did, for a little while. But eventually he was right back to drinking at least a half a case of beer a day, and flipping out on me for stupid things on a whim. He has said some of the most hateful things I have ever heard. But of course, the next day, he would be so sweet like it never happened. He was also very controlling. I rarely went anywhere with my friends because of the fight it would cause.

 

Well, like I said, I moved out the 1st of February. He had no idea I was doing it. I knew that if I told him, I would not be able to get all of my things out of the house, including my dogs. So while he was at work, I moved. He started texting me as soon as he got home. And some where begging me to come home, and others were mean. Over the past month, I have tried to maintain a civil relationship with him, since I still have some things to move out of his house. He told me that he wanted to get his **** together so that we could be together again. I tried to talk to him, but all he ever wanted to talk about was how I had screwed him over by leaving like I did. So, I would get a nasty texxt about how awful I was for leaving like that, and then the next one would be how much he loves me and wants to spend forever with me. I finally told him that if he wanted to talk, that was great, but that every conversation as not going to be a guilt trip. Last week, we were supposed to transfer the title of my car, and he asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat after we did it. I said sure. I hadn't seen him in almost a month at this point. Well, he canceled on me,which was no big deal, until I found out why! He had driven an hour & 1/2 to pick up his son's deadbeat mother (she hasn't seen her son in a year til now). She ended up staying with him for a week. And during that week, all the sudden, he no longer wanted to talk to me at all. Of course I got upset, and then he was just mean!

 

My heart is so broken. I know that I am the one that left. But my hope was that it would be a eye opener for him! he needs help. But instead, he filled the void with someone else, and now I've lost my fiancee and my best friend. I can't seem to let it go. I can't stop crying. I believed that our relationship was more than that. I have not dated, or anything since I left. And have no desire to. I feel broken. I feel like there is no way to stop this hurting. I can't get through a day without crying. I wake up at least 2 times a night in tears. I have never been willing to open myself up to anyone the way I did with him. I never knew what it felt like to love someone like this. And now, he has moved on to continue along his unhealthy way, and I am left trying to pick up all the broken pieces of my heart. I don't know how to let go.