PogoStick Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I feel when the man is about 5 years older is pretty ideal. Up to 10 years is reasonable. I'm 35 and just hitting my stride in life, work and emotions all coming together. What's most important to me is that the woman is in a similar place. I don't want to wait for a young college girl to figure her life out. On the other end, I don't feel right if the woman is already fully established. I went through a divorce and struggled the last few years getting a degree so I can't afford the luxuries of a nice car and taking big vacations. So rather than age, I'd be looking at where you are in life and finding someone who can take that journey with you.
USMCHokie Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Why? Deluding yourself into believing you have more time to find the partner of your dreams just because you are a man is a dangerous proposition. Even worse, it keeps alot of men treading water in a comfortable rut when they are younger... then, like so many men I've come across... end up churning through OLD in their 40's and beyond grasping for whatever remains of their youth.... and only THEN do they realize that all this really is a big fat myth. The truth hits everyone sooner or later. It only hits men later, well, because society hasn't conditioned them to take the hard knocks that way. In other words, you can't afford to be complacent, my dear. It would be foolish to do so. The question at this stage of my life is, do I even want a "partner of my dreams" right now...? Because if you ask me now, my answer would be no... Is it really a "rut" to casually date well into your 30s...?
USMCHokie Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 From my limited understanding, a guy who is this: I'm 35 and just hitting my stride in life, work and emotions all coming together. ...without this: I went through a divorce... ...is a pretty awesome situation...
RedRobin Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 The question at this stage of my life is, do I even want a "partner of my dreams" right now...? Because if you ask me now, my answer would be no... Is it really a "rut" to casually date well into your 30s...? Unfortunately, you won't be able to answer that question for yourself until you are in your 30's or beyond. Then it will be too late. I never was a casual dater. That didn't save me from being divorced though... and single at an age I didn't want to be single. Still, I can't look back with regret and really blame myself for being complacent. I certainly did my best to find the best person I could... and BE the best person I could... and was always serious in my intentions. That gives me SOME comfort, I guess. Doesn't really change things for me, but that is life. Everyone has their cross in life to bear.
StanMusial Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I tried to find a girl my age and couldn't. The last girl I tried with that was 30+ (she was 30 exactly) flaked on me twice so I said "to hell with her". I never married and have no kids and that's what I prefer in my partner. So I dabbled in OLD and no girl would respond, so that was a dead end. Its a matter of what's available really, not some sinister plot against older women.
USMCHokie Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Unfortunately, you won't be able to answer that question for yourself until you are in your 30's or beyond. Then it will be too late. Too late for what...?
RedRobin Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Too late for what...? Too late to recover your 20's. Putting off learning how to have or be in a serious relationship because you think things will be better later seems like a risk.
USMCHokie Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Too late to recover your 20's. Putting off learning how to have or be in a serious relationship because you think things will be better later seems like a risk. I utterly wasted my 20's, and there's no way to ever recover that lost time... I'll happily take the risk...society seems to reward such risk-taking...
RedRobin Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I tried to find a girl my age and couldn't. The last girl I tried with that was 30+ (she was 30 exactly) flaked on me twice so I said "to hell with her". I never married and have no kids and that's what I prefer in my partner. So I dabbled in OLD and no girl would respond, so that was a dead end. Its a matter of what's available really, not some sinister plot against older women. oooh... I dunno. The posted age ranges for men on OLD would make me disagree with you. At an individual level, it isn't a sinister plot... people will easily make an argument that is just what they happen to like. Collectively, yes it is... because people don't think much about how those tastes were developed... and the impacts those tastes have on women long term.
RedRobin Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I keep telling you guys (Stan) girls date older, and guys date younger. That's the general rule not the exception. I'm sure it pleases you to think so... and in the past perhaps that was true. Times are changing. Hence my cautions. Too many people have been left holding the bag later in life because they counted on things staying the same when they didn't.
StanMusial Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I keep telling you guys (Stan) girls date older, and guys date younger. That's the general rule not the exception. I have noticed the same. Still, I would gladly date someone in her 30s if she fit my criteria. I do want kids though so she can't be too old for that (or unwilling). I just don't encounter women near my age (37) that are single or childless. I went two years without going on a date. So eff that I will date younger.
cdt76 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 What city do you live in because I need to move there! I'm 42. I tend to date younger women because usually women my age look like they were beat with the bag of life and don't take care of themselves. I workout 5 days a week, run and box to stay in shape and am in better shape than most 20 something guys. I will say this from an "older" guys' perspective, younger women usually have a LOT LESS baggage than my age, however, they tend to be emotionally all over the place and unable to focus on the important things in life, like school/career, kids and family. They like to be spoiled and given materialistic things. I don't want someone who just wants that. But I am more attracted to younger women physically. There are women out there who are fit at 40 but few. It's just hard to find them. I like younger girls but sometimes the drama is too much to handle. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 With you not wanting kids, it could make sense as to why older men are more appealing. We tend to want to be with men who want to be with us. I don't think there is anything wrong with the age gap, but I also don't think it would impossible to find someone your age. There are lots of interesting men who like to do new things and be adventurous out there in their late 20's early 30's... it is the life long goals you have that could pose a problem.
PogoStick Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) I tend to date younger women because usually women my age look like they were beat with the bag of life and don't take care of themselves. Like a girl I dated in HS, who is now 300+ lbs, contemplating divorce and seeking my attention. She's literally (correctly used!) twice the size from 15 years ago. And how do you feel about so many women going with the short androgynous haircut after age 30? Most guys are fine with a woman our age if she keeps it together. That's rare which means those women are not usually available. It's simple relationship economics. Edited March 14, 2013 by PogoStick
kaylan Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Seems OP mistitled the thread..and it seems people didnt read the original post correctly. Based on the first post, it seems to me that OP is generally more attracted to and prefers men her own age, but because the guys she likes dont want her, or because certain guys are not compatible with her, shes thinking on settling for older men. Dont settle OP. You said you want someone your age who relates with you and can grow with you...then be patient. Dating isnt easy and is sometimes the luck of the draw. 1
SJC2008 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 It's true that I've observed some guys turning themselves upside down to get a much younger woman regardless of her issues or compatibility because his need for external validation so ridiculously trumps everything else. I'd argue, that is the case for most men who do this. I saw a picture of George Clooney with his date at the Academy Awards and he just looked ridiculous. He might as well have her binky on his key ring just for emergencies... (a 'binky' is a pacifier). This characteristic all on its own makes them bad bets for anything long term... because the minute a younger, hotter version comes along, you'll be left in the dust. Lol what a horrible example. I could see if it was some rich old man being a sugar daddy to a young hot waitress but are you not aware who his GF is? She's a former WWF/WWE star and is famous and rich. She may not be as rich or famous as him but she can take care of herslef so I'm pretty sure she likes him and is with him on her own free will. OP just keep trying like Kaylan said. While many women think men are immature until 30 or so age has almost nothing to do with maturiy is something I've learned. You just have to keep meeting men and sooner or later you'll meet one your age or a little older who you are compatible with. If you want to settle down I'd date in the 26-32 age range. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Seems OP mistitled the thread..and it seems people didnt read the original post correctly. Based on the first post, it seems to me that OP is generally more attracted to and prefers men her own age, but because the guys she likes dont want her, or because certain guys are not compatible with her, shes thinking on settling for older men. Dont settle OP. You said you want someone your age who relates with you and can grow with you...then be patient. Dating isnt easy and is sometimes the luck of the draw. No, it seems like she's interested in older men because they're aren't boring. It's fine. Not a big deal. Lots of older women are more interesting than younger women. It happens. 1
dasein Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 It's unclear from your OP whether you seek older men because you are more attracted to them? or that you think you can't get a man near your age you find attractive? You make some conflicting statements making it difficult to give useful advice. If you are genuinely more attracted to older men to the exclusion of men closer to your age, get with older men. If you seek older men because you don't think you can find a man closer to your own age whom you find attractive, keep looking, you have plenty of time. But do ignore lots of the subtle and overt asshattery in the thread about older men being this or that. It's ridiculous, and there is a known contingent of posters here who are fixated on injecting it into every thread of this nature. 1
kaylan Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 No, it seems like she's interested in older men because they're aren't boring. It's fine. Not a big deal. Lots of older women are more interesting than younger women. It happens. Did you glance over the entire beginning of the OP where she said shes attracted to and usually goes after guys her age? Then she mentioned older guys because of her failure with guys her age. doesnt sound to me like they are her first choice. Which doesnt look promising when dating.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Did you glance over the entire beginning of the OP where she said shes attracted to and usually goes after guys her age? Then she mentioned older guys because of her failure with guys her age. doesnt sound to me like they are her first choice. Which doesnt look promising when dating. Bolded the parts I think are informative. So I have an interesting problem. I find myself mostly attracted to older guys; sometimes I know before it develops, sometimes I find out how old they are after. It is kind of annoying. I seek to date guys my own age or a bit on either side (I am 26); currently seeing a 28 year old, but it seems he will eventually bore me to death and I will leave. Now, I have had crushes on guys my age, younger, slightly older - but when I try to interest these guys or even go as far as suggesting they ask me out, it fizzles. Clearly they aren' t interested in me, which is confusing because they will flirt with me like crazy and even ask if I am single. The rest of her post she sounds confused or unsure. Maybe she wants to grow up with someone together, maybe they'll bore her. Point is a) she confesses to being mostly attracted to older men and b) she said this current guy is going to eventually bore her. I don't know, personally I find nothing wrong with preferring older partners. Is it really that hard to believe that old men might be better than some young guns?
kaylan Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Bolded the parts I think are informative The rest of her post she sounds confused or unsure. Maybe she wants to grow up with someone together, maybe they'll bore her. Point is a) she confesses to being mostly attracted to older men and b) she said this current guy is going to eventually bore her. I don't know, personally I find nothing wrong with preferring older partners. Is it really that hard to believe that old men might be better than some young guns? All that is contradictory to her saying guys her age never are interested, or ignore her. Never said liking older guys was bad...I just shared how I interpreted her OP.
kaylan Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 So I have an interesting problem. I find myself mostly attracted to older guys; sometimes I know before it develops, sometimes I find out how old they are after. It is kind of annoying. I seek to date guys my own age or a bit on either side (I am 26); currently seeing a 28 year old, but it seems he will eventually bore me to death and I will leave. Now, I have had crushes on guys my age, younger, slightly older - but when I try to interest these guys or even go as far as suggesting they ask me out, it fizzles. Clearly they aren' t interested in me, which is confusing because they will flirt with me like crazy and even ask if I am single. Now, I will say that when I was in college, obviously everyone I knew was within good dating age, and I did get quite a bit of interest. I had some issues i needed to work on, however, and did not want to subject a bf to them (some childhood leftover crap that i wanted to resolve and grow from before adding an additional challenging relationship to my life), as well as having 3 jobs to put myself through a demanding science program. I just didn't have the time or desire to date, so I didn't. Now, however, I am established in career and have much more free time now that I am out of school. I am financially secure since I did not have to take out student loans, and have been ready for a long-term, serious, forever-type relationship since I was about 24; now, though, the guys my age are either coupled up, not ready to date (me anyway), want to marry me and have kids (I do NOT want kids, so that has broken many potential relationships up), or totally boring couch potatoes. I want someone I can connect with. I know, whine whine whine. Sorry. So for the guys I have a chance with or who show actual interest, I tend to not be attracted to the ones my age. Except for a couple of exceptions when the timing was wrong (I was in relationship, they were interested, I found them attractive but of course, bad timing), I am generally attracted to guys 13-16 years older than me, which is quite a bad age for dudes to be at. But they are the ones who seem to have an interesting life and be willing to do fun things and have interesting conversations. As an aquarius, that is important. So, what do I do? I'd much rather find someone who can grow with me, together. I don't actually want someone who has already gone through most of their adulthood. It seems better to find someone closer to your age, but I don' t know how to do this anymore. I also don't know if dating older is going to cause problems because I am looking for a partner and not to just date around for awhile (blech). I prefer to build relationships with quality people over time (including friends here, too) rather than keep meeting new people all the time and recycling through them relationship-wise. I guess I am not sure what my actual question is, but there are certain wise posters here who consistently give great advice, and i admit I am confused. Thoughts on this, I guess? Thanks!Sounds to me like she cant get guys she wants her age to work out. And the ones who are into her are the guys shes not attracted to, hence she settles on older guys shes attracted to...since according to her, the younger ones shes attracted to dont seem to be that into her. All the while being apprehensive about going after older guys.
iKING Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 To each their own I say. Keep in mind however that you're not going to be able to avoid every problem in the book just by going for older members of the opposite sex. I know men in their 40s-50s who still play games. The only time I've considered it was with a 30 year old woman who was screwed over by an old friend of mine. The only problem was I was 16, and all she seemed to want from me was sex. 3
RedRobin Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) The positive thing about a 20 something (man or woman) dating someone much older is that the person has a track record. If they are going to develop major issues with weight, substances, violence, career, credit, etc it usually is apparent by the time they hit their mid 30's. They also have an observable relationship track record. Problem is, a lot of health issues start happening when people hit 50. If you are 30 something when that happens, well, that ain't fun. You are at your peak and they are popping Viagra and heart meds. Think about it. That certainly isn't the end of the world, by any means... but not usually something women in their 20's think about when they first hook up with an older guy. ...and yea... I'm happy to de-bunk the myths and propaganda put out by some men here seeking to make the most of the fact bolded... Edited March 15, 2013 by RedRobin 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 The positive thing about a 20 something (man or woman) dating someone much older is that the person has a track record. If they are going to develop major issues with weight, substances, violence, career, credit, etc it usually is apparent by the time they hit their mid 30's. They also have an observable relationship track record. Problem is, a lot of health issues start happening when people hit 50. If you are 30 something when that happens, well, that ain't fun. You are at your peak and they are popping Viagra and heart meds. Think about it. That certainly isn't the end of the world, by any means... but not usually something women in their 20's think about when they first hook up with an older guy. ...and yea... I'm happy to de-bunk the myths and propaganda put out by some men here seeking to make the most of the fact bolded... The main medical cause of ED is diabetes. The girl just has to look for the risk factors: does he exercise? poor diet? family history? And even if he has it, if it's under control, he's fine. Most other things that older men take meds for won't cause that.
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