lavenderlove Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 One moment I am in a blissful state of hope (+1), and in sheer panic the next(-1). It is like standing on a very high rock, and appreciating the view, and then looking down, just feeling that incredible depth. Or like when you empty a glass of muddy water (relationship) and you are glad, that it can now be filled with fresh delicious water, but you can't seem to be able to fill it. You just don't want to, until every drop of the old staff has evaporated. Slowly. I feel like I am this empty unclean glass. Ending a relationship is not just ending a relationship. I had to move houses, I rearranged my finances, I don't do any of the things I used to do for years. So much time gained, so I do other things, I meet new people....I am finding this process so rich and inspiring, and very very overwhelming. I feel like my whole life has been wiped off flat. I gave up on plans. This is my new thing. I am just am. Who knows when I will reach step #1. I wish I could know for sure, that this is allright. I wish I could have a glimpse into the future, when I look back to now with a smile. I am so craving an inch of non shifting ground to stand on. I wish I didn't crave anything, wish I could accept, that life is constantly evolving, and often painful, and that reaching happiness can only be a fleeting goal. I wish there to be something for us all that we can call home. 1
The Tallest One Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Lavenderlove, I feel for you! I understand about wanting a glimpse into the future so we can have some evidence that things will turn out ok! Ever since my ex wife left me 4.5 years ago along with out two young boys, I have felt like a ship lost at sea! Now that I'm coming out of another failed relationship since my ex wife, I feel ever more lost! I feel like I don't belong anywhere or have a home! I know life is about change and challenges but I've had my fill of both! Just like you said, want some solid ground to stand on for a while! 1
Author lavenderlove Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 We are homeless. It is so sad. And the worst is that the only thing that would make it easier is to toughen up. To become strong in the storms. But I am so over being strong. I appreciate this quality in men, but I want to be allowed to be feminine, soft, fragile. I am sick of the fight.
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