WakingUp Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 OK Im a newbie. Too scared to post my situation because of all the backlash. I am simply not in a strong or brave place to be attacked. But why are these attacks happening? It seems as though so many recent threads are completely hijacked by people wanting to tear shreds off each other. Where is the tolerance, acceptance, understanding and ultimately the definition... support and discussion... Obviously people come here to try and make sense of their situation... wrong or right... but its completely counterproductive to be so negative. I have learnt so much here... read for hours and yep it has helped me a lot but recent posts are so awful that Im wondering what the point is. Its OK to get things off your chest... but why victimise people 3
Author WakingUp Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 And what is with the being so nitpicking about what people say? Is it written in stone, to be requoted and rehashed and thrown in their face? Life is always changing. Thoughts change. Just be gentle with each other.
todreaminblue Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 OK Im a newbie. Too scared to post my situation because of all the backlash. I am simply not in a strong or brave place to be attacked. But why are these attacks happening? It seems as though so many recent threads are completely hijacked by people wanting to tear shreds off each other. Where is the tolerance, acceptance, understanding and ultimately the definition... support and discussion... Obviously people come here to try and make sense of their situation... wrong or right... but its completely counterproductive to be so negative. I have learnt so much here... read for hours and yep it has helped me a lot but recent posts are so awful that Im wondering what the point is. Its OK to get things off your chest... but why victimise people I am sorry you feel that way, a lot of the people who post on love shack have issues, and are struggling sometimes when someone is struggling they lash out, i know i do, i havent really lashed out lately but i have felt like it.....i get frustrated and a little sad...and my common way to handle those feelings is go introspective...... some people dont do that.....takes all types and a lot of the time ....any arguments are quickly forgotten....everyone handles things differently and everyone nearly who posts on here, has major problems in their lives.......there's victims everywhere, and often victims are the ones who fight the hardest because they are hurt........its survival instinct in an emotional sense ....the same goes for physical...you back someone into a corner they come out swinging because that isi the only thing they can do.....i think acceptance all round...if some one gets a little nasty ignore...and think crap they must be having a really rough day, maybe they are just dicks, but who knows...not me not you not anyone else on this board....so acceptance is always two fold...when someone is searching for help....and when someone might say something that is mean....you accept both....then you can either report if it was highly offensive or off topic, or choose to add them to your ignore list.......best wishes..see you roudn the board.......if you see a pair of flippers in the dating section they are mine i lost them swimming in that section when i got pissed off at a post..hold onto them for me........hugs...deb
Eggplant Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Too scared to post my situation because of all the backlash. I am simply not in a strong or brave place to be attacked. The fact that another person's attack might affect you means that you feel guilty on some level, and perhaps you are denying or underemphasizing things in your own head. If you were confident about your position, attacks would not faze you as much. Here is an exercise that helps me: write a diary entry for yourself only. Then read it, and give yourself your own backlash. Before any 3rd party reads your situation, ask yourself what attacking questions you most fear getting. Don't ignore these attacks that occur to you in your own mind -- they need to be addressed. 2
LFH Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 OK Im a newbie. Too scared to post my situation because of all the backlash. I am simply not in a strong or brave place to be attacked. But why are these attacks happening? It seems as though so many recent threads are completely hijacked by people wanting to tear shreds off each other. Where is the tolerance, acceptance, understanding and ultimately the definition... support and discussion... Obviously people come here to try and make sense of their situation... wrong or right... but its completely counterproductive to be so negative. I have learnt so much here... read for hours and yep it has helped me a lot but recent posts are so awful that Im wondering what the point is. Its OK to get things off your chest... but why victimise people Sometimes people can't see past their own pain to be able to reach out and help one another. I'm sorry you are struggling. It can be hard to put yourself out there, and I do agree that people like to take apart posts and "nitpick" as you put it. I figure they must just have extra time on their hands and try not to let that part bother me. Remember, no one here knows you. Some are going to be really harsh, some are going to be really helpful. If you've been reading for a while, you probably already have a good idea who's posts might hurt you. Before you post your situation, put those people on ignore. Then you won't have to see that if you aren't ready for it. Later, if you are stronger, you can take them off ignore and read what might be very good advice you aren't ready for no matter how it's "packaged" You'll be ok. 3
spice4life Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 My first piece of advice is to not use the forum as a form of therapy. If you're feeling vulnerable right now seek out a good therapist to work through what ever is going on with you. My next suggestion, if you decide to post your story, take the advice that "resonates" with you and leave the rest. If you get negative posters in your thread there is an "ignore" function in your profle settings. The most important thing is take care of you and don't let anyone make you feel any worse or confused than your feeling now. Aside from that there are a lot of wonderful posters here that are either at where you are right now or have been though it. Being in an affair is a tough ride and can really feel like on heck of a roller coaster ride. 3
ThatJustHappened Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Sometimes people can't see past their own pain to be able to reach out and help one another. I'm sorry you are struggling. It can be hard to put yourself out there, and I do agree that people like to take apart posts and "nitpick" as you put it. I figure they must just have extra time on their hands and try not to let that part bother me. Remember, no one here knows you. Some are going to be really harsh, some are going to be really helpful. If you've been reading for a while, you probably already have a good idea who's posts might hurt you. Before you post your situation, put those people on ignore. Then you won't have to see that if you aren't ready for it. Later, if you are stronger, you can take them off ignore and read what might be very good advice you aren't ready for no matter how it's "packaged" You'll be ok. Sometimes the people who are harsh are also helpful. Some people respond better to being slapped around that than to coddling. I'm not talking about you specifically LFH..I have no desire to slap you ..I'm just talking in general.
LFH Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Sometimes the people who are harsh are also helpful. Some people respond better to being slapped around that than to coddling. I'm not talking about you specifically LFH..I have no desire to slap you ..I'm just talking in general. That may be true, but the OP doesn't want that. She should put each poster that she's concerned will hurt her on ignore. Then the potentially good advice will still be there for her to look at if she feels she can look at and if she can't, she doesn't have to. They may have great opinions and fabulous advice, but if it's not in a form that can be heard it has no value. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 That may be true, but the OP doesn't want that. She should put each poster that she's concerned will hurt her on ignore. Then the potentially good advice will still be there for her to look at if she feels she can look at and if she can't, she doesn't have to. They may have great opinions and fabulous advice, but if it's not in a form that can be heard it has no value. Maybe I misunderstood. It sounded to me like she was talking about the board in general and not just herself.
LFH Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Maybe I misunderstood. It sounded to me like she was talking about the board in general and not just herself. Could be, but I might have misunderstood too. I was mainly thinking about the part where she said she was too scared to post her situation.
imperfectangel Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 B/c there's too many bs' on here ATM that seem to want to attack every ow on here This is the section of the forum for ow/om its not our fault they do t seem to realize that You should post your story there are some really helpful people on here - I'd be completely lost w/o some of the help I've received on here
Cali408 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I swear there are people who do nothing all day but post. Most of the advice is great. One person gives mostly great advice, but sometime she's on her high horse. She replies 30 times a day. Is this her whole life? Betrayed spouses are disgusted by their situation. And they will not and won't be sympathetic. I wish if they didn't have anything nice to say don't. But they are also helping you by shaking your shoulders and saying "what's the matter with you." As a former cheater, I understand the martyr thing cheaters go through. You feel sorry for yourself that circumstances are taking you away from your soulmate and you should be entitled to that person. Doesn't work that way. Give it time, you'll realize how foolish and irrational you were. I know I have. 2
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