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Apology letter to his ex?


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Posted

Morning all,

 

I would really like advice on the following. I’ll give a brief background (will try to keep it short!) so that you have a general idea of my situation.

 

Background:

Me and my bf have been together now for little more than a year – very happy and in love, moved in together and he has mentioned numerous times that he wants to marry me.

 

Before we started dating I was transferred to the site where he works and we started working together in the same department. We became very good friends.

 

When I started working with his team he had already been in a relationship with another woman for little over 6 months. She has 2 children from a previous marriage. He had been divorced around 8 months at that time (he has a son with his ex wife). The gf had moved in with him for mainly financial reasons (she does nails from the house so income is not a lot).

 

I found out pretty quickly into our friendship that he was not overly happy in his relationship (he told me on many occasions). His then gf was very high maintenance (really not over-exaggerating here – she wears a lot of make-up, beehive hair spray hairdo every single day etc), she sat around the house the whole day and her kids were annoying him (poor discipline from her side).

 

So 2-3 months into the friendship and working together, we started hanging out outside work with other people from work. We texted and phoned each other and it was obvious that we were very attracted to each other. That is how and when our fling started.

 

We kept it hidden from everyone and kinda just wanted to first see if this was worth it or just a passing romance. So about 2 months into the affair he broke up with his gf (and by this point she was already extremely suspicious of us and later got confirmation from mutual friends).

 

After they broke up a couple of weeks later she found out she was pregnant – 5 months!! (To this day I have no idea how a woman with 2 kids cannot ‘feel’ that she is pregnant). Anyway, so I was made out to be the person who ruined her life (and I take full responsibility for my actions during the affair as does my bf). And my bf was bad-mouthed by the ex gf and wife. (Just to add – he and the ex gf at the start of their relationship said there would be no children – he does not want another kid and neither did she).

 

During the last year – ex gf had the baby, he pays child support every month. The ex gf and wife (who hated each other while he was dating the ex gf) became the bestest of friends, a united front against my bf. They had mutual friends of ours spy on us (and to this day still do), they wrote degrading, mean things on facebook for everyone to see (including my bf’s friends and family), constantly sent hateful text messages to us both.

 

To the here and now. I know what we did was wrong and we could have and should have approached it in a better way. We just felt a strong connection and went with it. I’m not proud of what I did and it was the first time ever that I did something like that. This was also the first time ever that he cheated.

 

In all this time I have never written any mean, insulting messages on facebook about them nor sent them text messages like they sent to me. Me and my bf have kept our side clean, never gossiping about them to friends, nothing. But these 2 women are still at it, always writing insulting messages that they know I will see (without me having to search for them).

 

The advice I need – I’ve been thinking lately that I want to send the ex gf a message apologizing to her for the way things happened and how it turned out. To try and settle things so that there is somewhat of a neutral relationship between us all for the child’s sake. But then when I see the things she writes and how she is still spying, I don’t feel like I should (or want to) reach out to her.

 

I’m just so tired of all the petty insults and drama. I know we will never be friends but we can at least be civil towards each other? How can you even try to be happy if you constantly only focus on the negatives from the past?

 

Of course I will ultimately have to discuss this with my bf before I do decide to send a message, but I would really like to hear what you guys think?

 

Thanks.

Posted

I don't think you should write her a letter.

Or approach her at all.

 

Things staying silent on your end is making you the better person, and if she gets any inkling from you that it's still something that you think about often, then it will get worse.

 

I'd suggest you just keep quiet, and it will eventually fizzle out. Don't give her anything to work with, and she'll get bored.

 

Anyone who is worth being in your life won't take her seriously anyway.

Villains like her rarely end up getting anywhere in life.

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Posted

Nothing you say will change what you did or their perceptions of it. You're the "homewrecker" to them.

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