Who is the Dumper / Dumpee in this situation? ... other questions

[sleepy1]

I did post this story a few weeks ago, but the thread was not focused on the question. Mind you, he's still with the new guy, longer than he was with me. :/

.....

 

My ex was my first love. We met by chance at a park (the person he was with was friends with the person I was with). He ended up messaging me on Facebook the day after. We went on our first date and really hit it off and started officially dating about 3 weeks after that. I was 20 he was 22.

 

To start off, I was a mess when the relationship started. It was April and I was struggling in community college, dropping classes left and right at the end of the semester (which had been a theme throughout my college career, due to confidence issues and fear of succeeding - uncovered in therapy). But by summer, I did not have classes to worry about so I was free. I became immersed with him. We spent almost every day with each other. He would always do / make / buy something special for our "mensiversaries" and he'd inspire me to do special things for him. He taught me how to love.

 

Then, toward the end of the summer, I had what I'll call an anxiety attack when I slept over his house. From that point on, things began to go downhill for me. I began to live with this anxiety on a day to day basis. By the winter, I was literally afraid to leave my house (or sleep over his). This anxiety lead to physical and psychological side effects that was horrible. We would occasionally go to local parks and such, but it left me feeling uneasy. I left my job 10 months into the relationship and dropped all of my classes. He stuck around. By the dusk of our relationship, he surprised me with a trip to Florida which I reluctantly backed out of a few days after he told me. I had been yearning to go back to the time before I met him. I had just started to come out of my shell and had a brief stint of hookups / meetings with other guys. I wasn't looking for love. I attributed my anxiety to my boyfriend.

 

Two weeks after our one year, I messaged him on Facebook letting him know I needed to take an "indefinite break" from him; because let's face it, I had no job, no school and had a major anxiety problem. I needed to focus on myself for a while. And I did. I began seeing a councilor and took summer classes (which I got all A's in). My boyfriend and I were in limbo, but did write each other once a month. By about 5 months into the break, I opened a package from him that had a shirt that I had left at his house months before with a goodbye note. I was absolutely devastated and threw away everything he ever gave me that night. A few weeks later, I saw "hearts" from another younger guy (3 years MY junior, 5 years his) on his Facebook wall and that just about did me in. I blocked him. That was almost a year and a half ago.

......

 

I'd like to think that this guy was a rebound, too. He worked at the same place as my ex so they were probably eyeing each other during the break. But as time goes by and they have been together longer than I was with my ex, it's making me lose hope. Is there still hope for us? In my head, not for another couple of years (if they breakup in the future).

Edited March 14, 2013 by sleepy1