no contact thoughts, personal experiences?

[tangosucka]

what are everyone's thoughts, opinions, and personal experiences with no contact?

 

 

 

if it did work for you how long did it take?

 

to everyone whether it worked or not, how long would u say before i shud just give up the idea of getting her back?

 

at this point in time, im not banking on n e thing, but the thought keeps popping bak in my mind. if it ever were to happen, im not even sure how i wud handle the situation. i dont want to think that far ahead or give myself anymore headaches.

during this time ive already started improving myself, not to get her back, but for me.

i realize there are no right or wrong answers, i realize there is no specific time frame....im just going thru a rough time in my life and wud likes some input and general ideas..

 

thanks in advance to all who respond.

[tangosucka]

hmm anybody?

[OwlSoul]

*sigh* Guess if you have started the NC you should already start preparing yourself to give up and moving on.

As far as for NC, it worked for me once, when dumper returned back to me after 6 weeks and we've been together for 3 months. I kept feeling bad until 5th week. Once I've felt I've moved on, the ex showed up.

Maintaining rather LC with my latest ex, since I'm still interested in getting back and I know that he gets very insulted and offended when he is being ignored (his relationship experiences). He is showing some interest again nowadays. But I wouldn't get back unless I'd feel I'm almost over him.

So welp, 2 different approaches in 2 different relationships.

[tangosucka]

interesting...yea ive heard ppl say that it works and others that say it doesnt.

 

 

just interested in hearing a lil bit from everyone.

[pink3000]

Honestly it's been a week of NC for me and it's killing me, I've gotten over the whole 'crying every night and wondering how I can go on' thing, but I'm still thinking about him a lot, and I find myself *almost* contacting him at least once a day. Hope this gets easier!

[McDonald]

A lot of people do not understand the main point of NC. It's to get over your ex... Its not used to try to win them back by ignoring them and then they somehow realize what they are missing. Yea that could happen... But NC is to help you move on. The longer you hold onto them... The more you will get hurt

Edited March 14, 2013 by McDonald

[Thunderchild]

A lot of people do not understand the main point of NC. It's to get over your ex... Its not used to try to win them back by ignoring them and then they somehow realize what they are missing. Yea that could happen... But NC is to help you move on. The longer you hold onto them... The more you will get hurt

 

Correct! I don't want my ex back - I don't even want her anywhere in my life - I'm just moving on, but shakingthe attachment is a bit hit and miss. Sometimes it's good days, sometimes the anger comes back.

[TaraMaiden]

what are everyone's thoughts, opinions, and personal experiences with no contact?

Well, I'm not "everyone" but my thoughts on the matter are well-known round here.

I am the Empress proponent of No Contact.

 

 

if it did work for you how long did it take?

It works for everyone, but the timeline varies gigantically. It depends mainly, on how many times you break NC. Because every time you break it, you go back to square one, virtually.

 

to everyone whether it worked or not, how long would u say before i shud just give up the idea of getting her back?

Idea of getting ex back = when hell freezes over. If not a bit later.

 

No Contact is actually implemented with the set target in mind of NOT getting them back.

That way, if, as and when the opportunity to reconcile does present itself, you're in a new, improved and different, more mature frame of mind to be able to handle the situation.

 

You have to be completely out of the 'old' feeling of loving them, before even considering testing the waters of the 'new' feeling, with your toes....

 

at this point in time,

 

(God how I hate that phrase. The're is no other 'point in time.... it's always 'this' one!!)

 

im not banking on n e thing, but the thought keeps popping bak in my mind. if it ever were to happen, im not even sure how i wud handle the situation. i dont want to think that far ahead or give myself anymore headaches.

That's why every advocate of NC persists in advising that people should get it out of their minds.

 

during this time ive already started improving myself, not to get her back, but for me.

You have to be absolutely 110% certian that you're being honest, with yourself, here.

 

Are you?

 

i realize there are no right or wrong answers, i realize there is no specific time frame....im just going thru a rough time in my life and wud likes some input and general ideas..

There ARE some right and wrong answers.

I think you'll find I just gave you all the right ones.

 

 

Be well

[HopelessRomantick]

She broke up with me on 7/22 after a 3 year LDR. I believed then and still believe now that she was [is] the unconditional love of my life. She could have done anything she wanted even break my heart which she did and I still love her. We both wanted to grow old together, now I am saddened by the thought that each day passes we become more of strangers.

 

- she asked that we maintain communication, I agreed: mistake #1

- she asked that we continue to be BFFs, I agreed: mistake #2

- I should've said NO to both & went cold turkey into NC. I didn't. mistake #3

- well it's a few days short of 7 months. I still have her in skype, waiting...

..I still have her in WhatsApp, waiting...

..I still have her in Viber, waiting...

..I still have 8 voice mails on my cell since 2009, waiting to be deleted...

all of the above, mistake #4

- there more mistakes i've made, but you get the idea i'm sure.

 

Oh yea she contacts me once in a while usually every few weeks. I believe now this is just to maintain the power over me. Part of your pain is that you are the dumpee [i assume] and because of that she holds all the power. Being powerless sucks. Admitting it and accepting it are two different things. I've admitted it but I still am struggling with the acceptance of it.

 

I suggest you take the advice of NC supporters here and go NC IMMEDIATELY! DELETE HER FROM EVERYWHERE, EVERY APP, FACEBOOK, CONTACTS, ETC. Run, run away fast, don't ever look back and get the happiness of your life back on track. Do it NOW!

 

It's been 7 months for me. There isn't an hour of any day still that I don't think of her. What she's doing with her life, new career accomplishments, family, is she thinking of me, her naturally beautiful face, etc. I think of her constantly and I'm tired and my head hurts from thinking so much.

 

So Tangosucka, I hope I have helped you. Perhaps even convinced you a little bit to go NC because the alternative is a self-inflicted, slow painful self-destruction. Let's both move on together.

 

Good luck to us and all suffering from a heart break.

 

Time for me to go now and try on yet another day to practice what I've preached...

 

Abiso ng Redirect

[KatZee]

I've done both situations.

 

With my first love, I never went NC. We didn't hate each other, we remained "friends" and we became FWB. This went on for the entire 4 years we were at college. I was devastated. I lost weight, couldn't eat. Held onto false hope, allowed myself to be used for sex, thought he'd eventually get back together with me if he saw how cool I was and how we still had that connection.

 

It never happened. What happened was that I spent 7 years pining over a guy who didn't want to be with me. I compared everyone to him. I was depressed. I ruined my college experience. I started throwing myself at anyone who showed interest. Long story short: I was a mess.

 

My most recent ex I dated close to 3 years. He dumped me, and that night was the last night he ever saw, or spoke to me. It's been 10 months. I've been over him for the past few months. I hardly even think about him. I'm completely indifferent.

 

Instead of spending time focused on HIM, I started focusing on myself. I met all new friends. I didn't sit home to wallow and feel sorry for myself. Even if I was sad, I forced myself to go out. I'm always doing something now. I'm having tons of new experiences, I meet people out and just make friends wherever I go now. I have a great job, my own apartment, I do what I want, when I want. I'm HAPPY. I'm thriving. I'm so much happier now than I ever was with my ex. I'm confident, secure, and always positive. I'm so excited for the future and for what it has in store for me.

 

NC is THE WAY TO GO. But you can't BS with the NC. NC means NO CONTACT. I blocked him on my phone/email and facebook. I deleted all pics/statuses. I hid all mutual friends. I did a deep clean of my apartment and threw out all his crap that I didn't return to him. I completely wiped him out of my life as if he never existed.

[js1967]

I understand the point of NC...being to get over it and move on.

 

 

But what if you want them back????? Can somebody explain to me how NC can possibly help with the effort to try and get them back????

[js1967]

"You are on a bus and the driver asks you to get off at a particular stop. you dont like it at first but you do, thinking the driver wants to do some repairs or whatever. you dont want to but u do it anyway because you are polite, nice and like to say yes to people. The driver then takes off and now u have to wait for the next one. you cant get on the same bus again because its gone.

 

The relationship is your bus and the driver was your ex in control."

 

Ironic...I equated mine to being a happy dog, living in a home, loved, cared for...one day, I get in the car with my 'owner' im taken for a ride into the country. They stop the car...throw a ball from the car for me to chase. I go get the ball to turn around and see the car driving away leaving me stranded...Now a homeless dog.

 

The argument could be stated that 'why in the world would a dog want to be with an owner who only booted them out."

 

Well, 25 years ago...I did something similar to my long time girlfriend, she stayed on me...kept after me....we got back together...had two kids and a 20 year marriage because of it. She wanted me. I had to come to terms with it.

[KatZee]

I understand the point of NC...being to get over it and move on.

 

 

But what if you want them back????? Can somebody explain to me how NC can possibly help with the effort to try and get them back????

 

No.

 

NC doesn't make someone want you back. Using NC to "get someone back" by forcing them to miss you or by doing is spitefully is nothing but manipulation. You don't want someone who's with you because they were pressured into it, or forced into it.

 

If someone's going to come back, they're going to come back. Regardless of NC or not. You don't use NC to get someone back.

 

And at the end of the day, if someone doesn't want to be with you, you can go NC until you're blue in the face. It will have ZERO effect.

[BUBS]

I agree with the majority. No contact will not make your ex come back... low contact will not make your ex come back, and full contact will not make your ex come back... the only way your ex will come back is if they want to, and very little that you do is going to change that. The only thing that seems to work (and the odds are still minimal in comparison) is you moving on.

 

I've seen it with all of my ex's, my most recent came back after 5 years... why? I had moved on... I was my own person. The hurt he caused me from our first relationship and the issues that we had time had dulled to the point where both of us were blind once again.

 

There is a chance your ex will come back even if you continue pining, the question is... how long will they stay this time? Some of the people on these forums have it figured out, what will be, will be. In most cases if there is any chance for reconciliation it's years down the line for the mere fact that by then you are virtually starting a new relationship. There is barely any familiarity. If you reconciled this soon in the game, you would be paranoied your ex would leave again, the same issues would most likely occur... its a double edged sword.

 

Stick to no contact, it works wonders eventually and more importantly, it keeps your dignity in tact and allows you to focus on the pain you are dealing with the loss and not add to it finding out new things about your ex.

[Coping Vortex]

what are everyone's thoughts, opinions, and personal experiences with no contact?

 

 

 

if it did work for you how long did it take?

 

to everyone whether it worked or not, how long would u say before i shud just give up the idea of getting her back?

 

at this point in time, im not banking on n e thing, but the thought keeps popping bak in my mind. if it ever were to happen, im not even sure how i wud handle the situation. i dont want to think that far ahead or give myself anymore headaches.

during this time ive already started improving myself, not to get her back, but for me.

i realize there are no right or wrong answers, i realize there is no specific time frame....im just going thru a rough time in my life and wud likes some input and general ideas..

 

thanks in advance to all who respond.

 

NC is emotional chemotherapy.

[orionboxing]

There are ways to get your ex back. But in my experience, you need to be the one doing the dumping. Girls that I dumped, I was able to rekindle some things with them once I contacted them. I try not to do this anymore!

[tangosucka]

i have been moving on...ive gotten a gym membership, am trying to be more social, etc.

 

im just wondering because the thot has been running thru my mind. im not counting on her comin bak, nor am i hoping....im just wondering.

 

thats why i asked for personal opinions, experiences, and thoughts on the subject.

 

 

A lot of people do not understand the main point of NC. It's to get over your ex... Its not used to try to win them back by ignoring them and then they somehow realize what they are missing. Yea that could happen... But NC is to help you move on. The longer you hold onto them... The more you will get hurt

[veggirl]

Yes I had NC with my first real boyfriend. We had dated for 3 yrs and once NC was in place, I would say it was about 4 mos til I felt over him. If my current bf and I were to break up, NC would be immediately implemented on my end. Maintaining contact just prolongs the heartbreak. I would have gotten over my first bf sooner if I'd gone NC from the get-go.

[tangosucka]

i like the things u pointed out, they are very insightful.

 

i will be honest, i have done some of the improving for me, but there is also a part of me that wants to make her regret ever deciding to do this to me.

 

one day she mite get curious as to whatever hppnd to me. when she comes to check up and confirm she makes the right decision, i want her to regret ever leaving a man like me and throwing away my love.

 

isnt it fair to say that i am actually doing it for myself tho? im not doing this to win her back, just to improve myself....and if that day comes i just want her to beat herself up for making the biggest mistake in her life. id say thats doing it for me.

 

thanks, i noticed u gave me all the optimistic view points. im a pessimistic person, so ive already thought about the opposite end of the spectrum. im just curious to hear as many opinions and experiences as possible

 

Well, I'm not "everyone" but my thoughts on the matter are well-known round here.

I am the Empress proponent of No Contact.

 

 

 

It works for everyone, but the timeline varies gigantically. It depends mainly, on how many times you break NC. Because every time you break it, you go back to square one, virtually.

 

Idea of getting ex back = when hell freezes over. If not a bit later.

 

No Contact is actually implemented with the set target in mind of NOT getting them back.

That way, if, as and when the opportunity to reconcile does present itself, you're in a new, improved and different, more mature frame of mind to be able to handle the situation.

 

You have to be completely out of the 'old' feeling of loving them, before even considering testing the waters of the 'new' feeling, with your toes....

 

 

 

(God how I hate that phrase. The're is no other 'point in time.... it's always 'this' one!!)

 

 

That's why every advocate of NC persists in advising that people should get it out of their minds.

 

 

You have to be absolutely 110% certian that you're being honest, with yourself, here.

 

Are you?

 

 

There ARE some right and wrong answers.

I think you'll find I just gave you all the right ones.

 

 

Be well

[tangosucka]

thanks for sharing ur experience. yea ive already gone nc. been a week now, and it does get easier. i see how bad it gets if you dont go nc from ur story....sorry to hear

 

i dont check my phone hoping shell call, i dont try to look at her fb, i really am working on moving on. the whole purpose of this thread was to kind of just hear the different angles from everyone so it doesnt keep playing out in my mind.. i find that this forum is a pretty good tool for relieving the pain and getting insight from people with experience on the subject.

 

She broke up with me on 7/22 after a 3 year LDR. I believed then and still believe now that she was [is] the unconditional love of my life. She could have done anything she wanted even break my heart which she did and I still love her. We both wanted to grow old together, now I am saddened by the thought that each day passes we become more of strangers.

 

- she asked that we maintain communication, I agreed: mistake #1

- she asked that we continue to be BFFs, I agreed: mistake #2

- I should've said NO to both & went cold turkey into NC. I didn't. mistake #3

- well it's a few days short of 7 months. I still have her in skype, waiting...

..I still have her in WhatsApp, waiting...

..I still have her in Viber, waiting...

..I still have 8 voice mails on my cell since 2009, waiting to be deleted...

all of the above, mistake #4

- there more mistakes i've made, but you get the idea i'm sure.

 

Oh yea she contacts me once in a while usually every few weeks. I believe now this is just to maintain the power over me. Part of your pain is that you are the dumpee [i assume] and because of that she holds all the power. Being powerless sucks. Admitting it and accepting it are two different things. I've admitted it but I still am struggling with the acceptance of it.

 

I suggest you take the advice of NC supporters here and go NC IMMEDIATELY! DELETE HER FROM EVERYWHERE, EVERY APP, FACEBOOK, CONTACTS, ETC. Run, run away fast, don't ever look back and get the happiness of your life back on track. Do it NOW!

 

It's been 7 months for me. There isn't an hour of any day still that I don't think of her. What she's doing with her life, new career accomplishments, family, is she thinking of me, her naturally beautiful face, etc. I think of her constantly and I'm tired and my head hurts from thinking so much.

 

So Tangosucka, I hope I have helped you. Perhaps even convinced you a little bit to go NC because the alternative is a self-inflicted, slow painful self-destruction. Let's both move on together.

 

Good luck to us and all suffering from a heart break.

 

Time for me to go now and try on yet another day to practice what I've preached...

 

Abiso ng Redirect

[tangosucka]

still interested in hearing more experiences and thoughts:):):(:(

[TaraMaiden]

Why?

 

What is it you're actually HOPING to hear?

[tangosucka]

I mean I'm not hoping to hear anything...there's only 2 scenarios anyways....

 

Posting on here just helps me with the moving on process. I don't check my phone hoping for her to call, I dont check her facebook to see what shes up to, etc...i found that it really helps to talk to others and hear what they have to say.

 

I just post here so I can keep my mind off it and just hear other peoples experiences. No need to post if youre just gonna criticize.

 

Why?

 

What is it you're actually HOPING to hear?

[TaraMaiden]

No, I wasn't criticising, I was simply asking.....

Don't get all defensive....

 

It happens a lot.....ask anyone....

 

Newbies come in , posit, asking for support, counsel, advice - but then often persist in asking 'desperate' questions, because actually, what they really WANT to hear is the opposite to what everyone has told them, hitherto.

 

And then, if among 165 posts, they get just one poster saying, "yeah, you could do it your way....." we get the - "you see, i knew i was right!"

 

That's all...

 

If I criticise, by the way - trust me: you'll know it.....

[strongerthancoffee]

in my case...NC is hard to break because i was best friends with my ex for three years before we broke up. we only dated for three months, but after we broke up i still wanted to be best friends because i didnt want to lose the three years we built. he said he wanted the same, and we have had many discussions about what this meant and what should be done.

 

everyone is right it prolongs the heartbreak. talking to him only adds to the hurt, because it brings up more insecurities. Sometimes he never answers, which kills me, and when he DOES im hung up on what we are saying, and how long it takes him to reply. but to me holding on to at least our best friendship is more important that the hurt i feel as i try to hold on to the scraps of our relationship.

 

Whenever i try NC, i usually crack or wonder what conversation we could be having, or what NC would even do for me since its just preventing me from having a conversation with him. However when i dont speak to him he wont speak to me, so i suppose that should say a lot...but hey i cant give up. so yeah i thats my experience