Coping Vortex Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I have documented my story here many times. My ex and I have been essentially BU for 3 1/2 months. Many of you that know my story know that we have been on and off NC and LC over the past months. My ex met a new guy 2 weeks after the BU. So she says. She has been dating him ever since and spending many nights at his house and at her house with her kids. She has mentioned several times to me that they aren't as tight as i think they are are and they don't spend as much time together as I think they do. She also told me over and over our sex life was much better. Along with all of that she has told me that even though she is seeing him she could leave him at any time. Also that we are not over just on hold. That was a month and half into the BU. Cut to three weeks ago, after a few weeks of NC she reached out to me to say hi and see how I was doing. We text over the next two days. I told her at that point that since she is dating this new guy for the past three months its obvious we need to move on and say goodbye for good. She then texts me that she doesn't want to give up on us. I told her that how can that be if she has been seing this guy for the past 3 1/2 months and not seeing or talking to me. She tells me again that they are not as tight as I think. etc. So she had to go and said we would text more later to discuss why she thinks she is not giving up on us. Well after three more weeks of NC, she texted me Happy Birthday today. So we start texting again and I ask her to explain her statement of "not giving up on us" ( I know she has been stringing me along but I wanted her to own up to it) She said things are different now that she is fully committed to him and that she is in love with him. In a state of panic I asked to see her one last time so I can say goodbye and hug her so I can remember her touch and feel. I felt like the fact that we knew each other for over 8 years and were love for 3 of those years and she knew this guy for a few months. Surely she would want to at least see me one last time. Just seemed so sad to just walk away for good without an in person goodbye. But she said that she cannot see because of him. Him??? Some guy she knew for 3 months??? That alone stung me hard. I was there for her all through her nasty divorce. I was there to undo all of the low self esteem issues she had caused by her ex husband. I built her up and made sure I supported her through so much. This is how it ends? All I did was help some knew guy get a loving well adjusted wonderful woman. I feel like a fool. How can she forget what we had. BTW the BU had nothing to do with either of us falling out of love at the time it was our living situation. Please see my other posts to get the whole story. Even though I knew that in my mind it was over, that was the first time she admitted it to me so openly. I was crushed to hear that. I guess I let myself want to believe the not giving up on us statement from a few weeks ago. I feel the hurt like it was the first day she BU with me. The sting and pain of that statement has put me in a huge state of depression. Some birthday. So now I have to officially give up my love for her. I have no future hope of ever getting her back. Just like everyone hear on LS I can't fathom her looking into another mans eyes with the look of love. To think I will no longer hold her or kiss her, talk to her. The reality of it all now is deafening. Even though I knew it was over months ago today was the official final nail in the coffin. I am apoplectic right now. it will be a steady diet of Xanax for the next few nights. Some HAPPY birthday huh? Not for me.
TheWeeknd Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 First of all, I would like to wish you a Happy Birthday! I am sorry that this had to happen to you on your birthday. Don't worry though cause I know exactly how you feel. Being stringed along and played while your ex is in another relationship. Please do the right thing though. You know that each time you contact her or stay in contact with her, you will only be hurt. She is already in another relationship and won't give him up for you. That should be a huge wake up call for you to go full force NC and to start healing yourself properly. All those things you have described have happened to me. Just be glad that your ex isn't throwing "I still love you" phrases at you. Trust me, having hope really messes up one's recovery. The steps to recovery in my eyes are: Give up all hope and NC >>> Find yourself >>> Improve yourself >>> Open up to love again Time to start with step one!
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 First of all, I would like to wish you a Happy Birthday! I am sorry that this had to happen to you on your birthday. Don't worry though cause I know exactly how you feel. Being stringed along and played while your ex is in another relationship. Please do the right thing though. You know that each time you contact her or stay in contact with her, you will only be hurt. She is already in another relationship and won't give him up for you. That should be a huge wake up call for you to go full force NC and to start healing yourself properly. All those things you have described have happened to me. Just be glad that your ex isn't throwing "I still love you" phrases at you. Trust me, having hope really messes up one's recovery. The steps to recovery in my eyes are: Give up all hope and NC >>> Find yourself >>> Improve yourself >>> Open up to love again Time to start with step one! Just be glad that your ex isn't throwing "I still love you" phrases at you. Funny you say that. She did say to me a month into he BU that she was no longer IN love with me just the memory of me. Weeks later we talked again and she said that was not true that she was STILL IN LOVE with me after all. Although she still was with him and not seeing me. I asked her if that meant if she wanted to get back together. She said a weak "maybe". WTF??? the mixed signals have been crazy back and forth. But it is doen for good. i doubt we will ever talk again. I got all the answers to my questions today. I hope one day when she is bored with her new guy she will realize what she lost and she will be depressed like I am now and realize its too late. I do need to heal. But it wil take a long recovery process. 1
TheWeeknd Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Wow I can't believe what I just read. What you wrote, word for word, matches exactly what has happened to me. Me and the ex had our final talk today and we both agreed on saying our goodbyes and giving each other space. From what I see, even if they are telling you "I still love you, I want to be with you in the future not now, blah blah blah", it all means nothing if they are still in a new relationship and leaving you there hanging. What our exes feel when we are still talking and being there for them is that they get the best of both worlds. Something new and exciting and having the good old emotional comforts with us. They in no way are thinking about how we feel. Give up all hope and let them know what they are missing out on! 1
tangosucka Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 hey bro, im going thru a similar situation except idunno if my exgf has a new love interest in her life. ill be completely honest...im hoping that shell come bak, but if she was with someone else after our breakup, i wudnt take her bak even tho i love her so much.
Thunderchild Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 "That alone stung me hard. I was there for her all through her nasty divorce. I was there to undo all of the low self esteem issues she had caused by her ex husband. I built her up and made sure I supported her through so much. This is how it ends? All I did was help some knew guy get a loving well adjusted wonderful woman. I feel like a fool." That is, unfortunately, the way it goes. However, don't feel like a fool. Be proud of yourself!! You were there for her when she needed someone. You did the decent, honest and caring thing that a boyfriend/partner should do! You behaved well and decently. If she doesn't appreciate that - then, that'll be her loss. Now, start valuing yourself, get as far away from her as possible to heal yourself and build up your confidence so that you can find someone new who values what you have to offer. If things fall apart with 'New Man' just make d*mn*d sure that you are far far away when she hits the ground with a fairly substantial thump. Make sure that she doesn't try to use you as her emotional tampon. Just be cool if the begging texts come in - remember, she didn't think enough of you to say goodbye face to face. Say something like "Sorry, I don't do pro-bono counselling any more", or better still just ignore her. Don't be her emotional tampon. DON'T DO IT!! I'll say that again for the benefit of others DON'T DO IT!! But, I know you'll go running when the tear-stained text messages come rolling in, because you're a decent kinda guy and you're still in love with what you want her to be, not what she actually is !! And, in your heart of hearts you want to be with this 'individual'. Please get the idea out of your head that if you become her shoulder to cry on that she'll fall in love with you - she won't. She has already shown that kindness, consideration and respect from you mean nothing to her. Just go full No Contact - and let her get on with it. If the bomb drops, it's up to her to deal with the fallout - you have no responsibility to/for her or anyone else other than yourself. And, if she does come looking for a shoulder to cry on, ask yourself: Why isn't she weeping and wailing at her family and girlfriends?? That's what they're there for after all!!! Strength and Honour!
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 "That alone stung me hard. I was there for her all through her nasty divorce. I was there to undo all of the low self esteem issues she had caused by her ex husband. I built her up and made sure I supported her through so much. This is how it ends? All I did was help some knew guy get a loving well adjusted wonderful woman. I feel like a fool." That is, unfortunately, the way it goes. However, don't feel like a fool. Be proud of yourself!! You were there for her when she needed someone. You did the decent, honest and caring thing that a boyfriend/partner should do! You behaved well and decently. If she doesn't appreciate that - then, that'll be her loss. Now, start valuing yourself, get as far away from her as possible to heal yourself and build up your confidence so that you can find someone new who values what you have to offer. If things fall apart with 'New Man' just make d*mn*d sure that you are far far away when she hits the ground with a fairly substantial thump. Make sure that she doesn't try to use you as her emotional tampon. Just be cool if the begging texts come in - remember, she didn't think enough of you to say goodbye face to face. Say something like "Sorry, I don't do pro-bono counselling any more", or better still just ignore her. Don't be her emotional tampon. DON'T DO IT!! I'll say that again for the benefit of others DON'T DO IT!! But, I know you'll go running when the tear-stained text messages come rolling in, because you're a decent kinda guy and you're still in love with what you want her to be, not what she actually is !! And, in your heart of hearts you want to be with this 'individual'. Please get the idea out of your head that if you become her shoulder to cry on that she'll fall in love with you - she won't. She has already shown that kindness, consideration and respect from you mean nothing to her. Just go full No Contact - and let her get on with it. If the bomb drops, it's up to her to deal with the fallout - you have no responsibility to/for her or anyone else other than yourself. And, if she does come looking for a shoulder to cry on, ask yourself: Why isn't she weeping and wailing at her family and girlfriends?? That's what they're there for after all!!! Strength and Honour! Thanks for the words of encouragement. You are right I would come running if she left him today. But that won't happen. She wont come running. Once she moves on she won't reach out. she would feel embarrassed to do that. I know she still has a place in heart for me that is WHY she won't see me. She says she doesn't want to betray him by seeing me but I now thats not it. I know this because the last two times she did agree to see me over the course of the BU while she was with him she kissed me hard hugged me and sex with me. So she knows what she will feel if she does. If she had a clue about what she was really feeling she would have known that the feelings she projected on to him were really for me. Hence the term rebound. Which what this was.
Chi townD Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 This witch has no tact. She tells you that the sex with you is better. " Gee, really? That's great. I love hearing that you're giving yourself to another man. I feel a sh*t load better." Then "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!........by the way, Im never coming back." Grrr....kick this dizzy bitch to the curb. And for the love of God! STOP COMMUNICATING WITH HER! If she texts you again, ignore it! Post here instead. 2
Author Coping Vortex Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 This witch has no tact. She tells you that the sex with you is better. " Gee, really? That's great. I love hearing that you're giving yourself to another man. I feel a sh*t load better." Then "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!........by the way, Im never coming back." Grrr....kick this dizzy bitch to the curb. And for the love of God! STOP COMMUNICATING WITH HER! If she texts you again, ignore it! Post here instead. Good advice. Even though I'm hurt more than ever I'm also getting angry. I'm angry she doesn't see that this is a rebound plain and simple. Of course she fell in love with him he is the only she is spending time with. When she saw me she was all over me too. She forced this relationship to work. Funny she accepted the flaws in it. I didn't think she would. She complained early on our relationship was much tighter. But after time passes you forget what you had and start to accept what you have. Kinda like Stockholm syndrome.
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