crimsoncurrent Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 For those who have been dumped on legitimate grounds, after you realize the person is gone for good, and after a lot of reflection, you then realize that person was absolutely wonderful, and a connection like that doesn't come often, how do you deal with the regret of your actions that caused the BU? My ex and I had been together for nearly 4 years. After two times of getting back together, my last mess up was the her last chance. After two months of complete NC, and getting passed the addictive part of the process with avoiding contact, I simply miss my ex dearly, and feeling almost unbearably regretful for what I did to end the relationship. I think to myself "Geez, how the hell could I have caused so much damage." Call it dramatic, but I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever find a person like her again, like love has passed me up for good. If anyone would be able to add some insight to this situation, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Good question. Hope you get some answers because I'd also like to know people's thoughts on this.
wheream_i Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 For those who have been dumped on legitimate grounds, after you realize the person is gone for good, and after a lot of reflection, you then realize that person was absolutely wonderful, and a connection like that doesn't come often, how do you deal with the regret of your actions that caused the BU? My ex and I had been together for nearly 4 years. After two times of getting back together, my last mess up was the her last chance. After two months of complete NC, and getting passed the addictive part of the process with avoiding contact, I simply miss my ex dearly, and feeling almost unbearably regretful for what I did to end the relationship. I think to myself "Geez, how the hell could I have caused so much damage." Call it dramatic, but I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever find a person like her again, like love has passed me up for good. If anyone would be able to add some insight to this situation, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you. The regret is the hardest thing to deal with for me. I also wonder if I'll find someone like her and I would treat her with more respect than I've ever treated anyone else. But with that, I feel like I don't deserve someone good enough. I have been alone for a year with no one to replace her. Sometimes I get lonely but I also feel like it's worth it to go through this to understand and accept the karma (if that's what it is). She was my love, my beauty and my best friend. I understand now that love and a good woman don't just fall in your lap on a regular basis. We all make mistakes, sometimes more than others. I was also given a lot of chances but kept breaking her heart and finally ended up just breaking her. I just try to move on with that hard lesson. 1
Author crimsoncurrent Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 The regret is the hardest thing to deal with for me. I also wonder if I'll find someone like her and I would treat her with more respect than I've ever treated anyone else. But with that, I feel like I don't deserve someone good enough. I have been alone for a year with no one to replace her. Sometimes I get lonely but I also feel like it's worth it to go through this to understand and accept the karma (if that's what it is). She was my love, my beauty and my best friend. I understand now that love and a good woman don't just fall in your lap on a regular basis. We all make mistakes, sometimes more than others. I was also given a lot of chances but kept breaking her heart and finally ended up just breaking her. I just try to move on with that hard lesson. Thank you so much for your insightful! Your words verbalized my thoughts exactly. Interestingly, I noticed that I'm starting to realize a lot from regret. Like, I'm beginning to realize that I've wasted a lot of time with girls that are not compatible with me. I share a lot in common with your situation, especially the continual violation of trust and breaking someone's heart. I can't see myself getting into a relationship in a very, very long time. Hell, dating is not ever a concern with me. Again, thank you so much for your reply. Also, has it been a whole year of NC with you?
wheream_i Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Also, has it been a whole year of NC with you? Ooooh no, lol. I moved away over a year ago and she has come to visit me twice, fall in love all over again and then she pulls the past out on me. Gets angry, calls me names, etc. Last text I got from her was F*** YOU. Ya know, just for old times sake, when two weeks before she was texting me everyday professing how much she still loves me. It does get under my skin how angry she is but I also understand that I created that person. In my phone, I had her under the "pet" name I had given her but, after that last text, I changed it to "Bitch". The guilt got to me and changed it back. Ridiculous, I know. I honestly don't think I could date someone without seeing her in the new person's place. As much as I want to be ready, I'm just not.
Coping Vortex Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 The regret is the hardest thing to deal with for me. I also wonder if I'll find someone like her and I would treat her with more respect than I've ever treated anyone else. But with that, I feel like I don't deserve someone good enough. I have been alone for a year with no one to replace her. Sometimes I get lonely but I also feel like it's worth it to go through this to understand and accept the karma (if that's what it is). She was my love, my beauty and my best friend. I understand now that love and a good woman don't just fall in your lap on a regular basis. We all make mistakes, sometimes more than others. I was also given a lot of chances but kept breaking her heart and finally ended up just breaking her. I just try to move on with that hard lesson. The old saying you don't know what you got until its gone. Is so true. My regret is not running to her to fix our issue. Instead all I did was give her space and let her slip through my fingers to another guy. I could have fixed it easily. I just didn't think she would give up hope and move on. I too have learned a tough lesson. You need to never forget to give a relationshop everything you have unless you are absolutely sure its not what you want. Most of us assume the wrong things or become complacent. And above all communicate. I know I will never find another one like her. 1
BUBS Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I think about this a lot too. I regret a great deal for having contributed to my break up. Unfortunately there has been little to do to ease this pain and frustration. The only thing I've concluded is that if the roles had been switched, I would have still stayed with the love I have for him. More importantly, I acknowledge his wrongdoing and know that despite it, I still loved him through it. It doesn't settle well with an answer like this, because in reality all I'm concluding is that my love for him was unconditional, whereas his love for me had stipulations I was unaware of. We are all imperfect. Yes she gave you chances, and you messed up more, and maybe you did need this reality check to truly acknowledge flaws in your character that need to be addressed and fixed before being able to have a healthy relationship... but you need to focus not on whether she was the only one, the "right" one, and focus more on becoming the right person yourself, whether its for a future with her, someone else down the line... or just so that when you look in the mirror you can see someone whom you know is worthy of love. What motivates me (though I could use more) is simply wanting so badly to be anything but the girl he wasn't satisfied with, even if he never knows... I know I'll rest easier knowing that I'm different from the person that was selfish and wreckless with a relationship that meant so much to me. 1
js1967 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I feel ya on this one. All I can add is, its only stupid if you do it twice. I am kind of in the same boat, all I can do is realize a couple things. I cant undo what has been done. I need to except mistakes, learn from them and not do them again. I am at a point where I think two options are only available. I lost the best thing in my life, and I will meet another. Im doubting that now.So much to the point that I dont know If I will or can love somebody else. I have researched this topic endlessly on the internet. It seems to be very very common. all claim it will pass, but dam it is so freakin' hard to move on. If knowing there is somebody else going through what you are helps you then Im happy. Good luck bud. 1
Author crimsoncurrent Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 I feel ya on this one. All I can add is, its only stupid if you do it twice. I am kind of in the same boat, all I can do is realize a couple things. I cant undo what has been done. I need to except mistakes, learn from them and not do them again. I am at a point where I think two options are only available. I lost the best thing in my life, and I will meet another. Im doubting that now.So much to the point that I dont know If I will or can love somebody else. I have researched this topic endlessly on the internet. It seems to be very very common. all claim it will pass, but dam it is so freakin' hard to move on. If knowing there is somebody else going through what you are helps you then Im happy. Good luck bud. Your words are very helpful for me too, man. How long have you been NC?
Author crimsoncurrent Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 I think about this a lot too. I regret a great deal for having contributed to my break up. Unfortunately there has been little to do to ease this pain and frustration. The only thing I've concluded is that if the roles had been switched, I would have still stayed with the love I have for him. More importantly, I acknowledge his wrongdoing and know that despite it, I still loved him through it. It doesn't settle well with an answer like this, because in reality all I'm concluding is that my love for him was unconditional, whereas his love for me had stipulations I was unaware of. We are all imperfect. Yes she gave you chances, and you messed up more, and maybe you did need this reality check to truly acknowledge flaws in your character that need to be addressed and fixed before being able to have a healthy relationship... but you need to focus not on whether she was the only one, the "right" one, and focus more on becoming the right person yourself, whether its for a future with her, someone else down the line... or just so that when you look in the mirror you can see someone whom you know is worthy of love. What motivates me (though I could use more) is simply wanting so badly to be anything but the girl he wasn't satisfied with, even if he never knows... I know I'll rest easier knowing that I'm different from the person that was selfish and wreckless with a relationship that meant so much to me. Wow, thank you so much for your insight. Your experience and words really spoke to be deeply. Again, thank you so much.
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