ptp Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 If so how did it happen? If the guy you have known for a long time starts hitting on you out of the blue is that weird? If a guy you have known for a long time is interested in dating you, how should he go about showing interest?
Lani Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 If so how did it happen? If the guy you have known for a long time starts hitting on you out of the blue is that weird? If a guy you have known for a long time is interested in dating you, how should he go about showing interest? You talking about me ptp? Because I already know how you feel Anyway, yes, I have fallen for a guy I knew for a long time. He fell for me first, and asked me out. I said 'don't be stupid', and he said 'no, I'm serious. I really think there's something here' Anyway, for a while things carried on as normal in our friendship, and every now and then he'd ask me to do something out the ordinary. I'd say no. This went on for about 6 months, until one day I said yes just to get him off my back. We ended up together that day, and stayed together for 2 years. You are going to have to be pretty honest about your interest I think, but you still have to keep it casual and be happy to stay the way things are for a while. It took me a long time to come around, but in the end I did. I respected his honesty about how he felt more than anything, and that when I didn't feel the same he respected that. He pushed a little, but he also took his time. Just take it easy, but I really think you should be honest in that you want to explore things further. 3
mortensorchid Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Well, I hate to say it, but it's true that men are pigs. Most would do it with ANYONE and ANYPLACE they can find. Is it fair to say that any man who you say "hi how are you" to would have a dirty thought about the woman before them unless the woman was butt ugly? I have reached a point in my life where I realize that they can and will. Doesn't mean they're going to act on it, but they think if nothing else. But sometimes they will. That happened to me in the recent past. About three years ago I became friendly with this man who I had known for a bit, we'd see each other once a year if that and had said no more than "hi how are you" to one another. We connected at a summer concert, exchanged cell numbers. We'd exchange text messages, we'd go out for dinner or drinks every once in a while. I figured he had a gf because he was absolutely, positively GORGEOUS and we were just going to be friends. One night we went out for dinner, said our good-byes, and then he leaned over and kissed me. I was shocked. We would have a two month long relationship, he said he had thought of IT but I was difficult to read (I tend to have a stone face). I said I thought he had a gf. But hey, looking back, it was best it didn't work. But to answer your question, men have thoughts no matter who it is.
Author ptp Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 You talking about me ptp? Because I already know how you feel Is it too late to take a flight for Stake and BJ day? Anyway, yes, I have fallen for a guy I knew for a long time. He fell for me first, and asked me out. I said 'don't be stupid', and he said 'no, I'm serious. I really think there's something here' Anyway, for a while things carried on as normal in our friendship, and every now and then he'd ask me to do something out the ordinary. I'd say no. This went on for about 6 months, until one day I said yes just to get him off my back. We ended up together that day, and stayed together for 2 years. You are going to have to be pretty honest about your interest I think, but you still have to keep it casual and be happy to stay the way things are for a while. It took me a long time to come around, but in the end I did. I respected his honesty about how he felt more than anything, and that when I didn't feel the same he respected that. He pushed a little, but he also took his time. Just take it easy, but I really think you should be honest in that you want to explore things further. So did you always find him physically attractive and just wasn't sure of his personality/intentions? Or did you find him more attractive after he showed interest in you and started to pursue you?
Lani Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Haha. I don't think you'd make it in time for S&BJ Day unfortuantely. I didn't find him attractive at first, no. It was when he started to be interested in me, and showed me a different side of himself. And the sort of vulnerability about it. I guess I sort of found out who he really was, and I liked that more than I thought I did. 2
eleanorhurting Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 yes as a matter of fact, 3 out of the 4 serious relationships I have had started out with someone I had known for a long time just go for it 2
somedude81 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 God I wish there was some trick to making this work. 1
Author ptp Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 My hesitation, comes from the fact that she has never shown that she likes me or finds me attractive. In my relationships, the girl has always shown a lot of interest up front, so that is what I am used to. I am just not sure if I am setting myself up for failure because has never given me any signs. We had a lunch in a group this week, and she sat next to me and she laughed at some of my jokes, so that was a positive. I am going to see her once, maybe even twice this weekend. I wish she would just give me some sort of sign.
Lani Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Have you given her a sign? Give us women a break ptp, we can't do all the work. If you've been friends for a long time, then she'd probably be nervous about anything too.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Well, I hate to say it, but it's true that men are pigs. Most would do it with ANYONE and ANYPLACE they can find. Not only NOT true of many men, but a negative hateful mindset that is extremely detrimental to your own happiness and to all the men in your life. 1
kaygato Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Not only NOT true of many men, but a negative hateful mindset that is extremely detrimental to your own happiness and to all the men in your life. Lol...that's what I was thinking
Lani Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Not only NOT true of many men, but a negative hateful mindset that is extremely detrimental to your own happiness and to all the men in your life. Lol...that's what I was thinking I can't really even see how that post related to this thread.
kaygato Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I can't really even see how that post related to this thread. I just thought it was funny that she responded to a question asked by a guy, and the beginning of her post is basically bashing men. I think she didn't realize it was a guy asking. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 If so how did it happen? If the guy you have known for a long time starts hitting on you out of the blue is that weird? If a guy you have known for a long time is interested in dating you, how should he go about showing interest? Ask her out on a date. 1
todreaminblue Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 no I dont think it is weird,if the woman is interested in getting to know the guy she will if she doesn't see him that way she wont...it seems pretty natural to me, i have only ever dated guys i have known for a while.......and normnally thats how my dates have turned into relationships, because i know the guy well enough to know that we would click, when i have gone out on other dates when this wasn't the case, disaster city......an dwhen you say hitting on i assume you mean to date?....deb 1
Els Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 The bf and I knew each other about a year before we got together - but we were in separate Rs of our own when we first met, so that probably plays some part in the long friendship. His wooing was like a Game of Thrones political plan - protracted, very well thought out, and very strategic. By the time he finally asked me out, he probably knew that he'd already made me head over heels for him. I think what you do depends on what exactly you want, and the dynamics of your friendship with this girl. How long have you known this girl? How well do you know her? Are you very close friends, or just acquaintances? 2
xxoo Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Bring her a picked flower. "Pretty flower for a pretty girl" Give her a sign of interest, and see how she responds. 3
Author ptp Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 The bf and I knew each other about a year before we got together - but we were in separate Rs of our own when we first met, so that probably plays some part in the long friendship. His wooing was like a Game of Thrones political plan - protracted, very well thought out, and very strategic. By the time he finally asked me out, he probably knew that he'd already made me head over heels for him. I think what you do depends on what exactly you want, and the dynamics of your friendship with this girl. How long have you known this girl? How well do you know her? Are you very close friends, or just acquaintances? Els, I am not having someone killed just so I can date her. I think my situation is different. She has known me for a longtime, she knows I am single, ample opportunity to show interest if she was interested.
Author ptp Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Have you given her a sign? Give us women a break ptp, we can't do all the work. If you've been friends for a long time, then she'd probably be nervous about anything too. Well here is the thing Lani, when I have been aggressive and actually tried pursuing a girl, it never works out. They always run away. Conversely, if I wait until the girl shows me interest, then I can pick up on that and run with it. That seems to work better for me. Being aggressive doesn't work for me. However, it leaves me in the predicament of not being able to go after the ones that I really like.
xxoo Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Els, I am not having someone killed just so I can date her. I think my situation is different. She has known me for a longtime, she knows I am single, ample opportunity to show interest if she was interested. You've also had ample opportunity to show interest. Doesn't mean you aren't interested, does it? Make a low-risk move. Give her the opportunity to express interest or disinterest. 3
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) Most women don't have to be aggressive about showing interest. Most guys are upfront and if interested let that be known. I don't think I have ever done more than smiled at a guy when appropriate. Every guy I've had a crush on eventually asked me out, so I have no incentive to do anything. If a guy doesn't overtly express interest, my assumption is he just wants to be friends and we hang out. That's fairly typical in my social circles. My friends are a 50:50 mix of guys and girls. You're asking for her to see you in a different light--as a potential boyfriend, not just a friend. It can definitely be done, but you have to be clear about your intentions or it may be interpreted as "how sweet" or "you're such a good/thoughtful friend." Flirt...and after a week or two, point-blank ask her on a date. Flirting alone might not get you clear signs from her. She might wonder if she is overinterpreting friendly behavior. Unless she shuts you down or makes it clear that the behavior is unwelcome, just go for it and ask for a date after you've flirted for a short time. Friends can make for incredible relationships if the chemistry is there. You both already know each other so well. Good luck! Edited March 14, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 3
Author ptp Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 You've also had ample opportunity to show interest. Doesn't mean you aren't interested, does it? Make a low-risk move. Give her the opportunity to express interest or disinterest. No, but I have always been apprehensive about approaching her because, she is physically way more attractive. I have also seen some of the guys she has dated in the past and well...girls like her don't usually go out with guys like me. I might see her tonight, but I am definitely seeing her on Friday. We'll see where things go. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Let her decide who is and isn't her type. Don't make assumptions and decide for her. 5
Els Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Els, I am not having someone killed just so I can date her. :lmao: No, that would be a really bad idea, especially because it wasn't what I meant! I was referring to it because it's a different style of wooing/dating from that generally espoused here (in which there is zero tactic, just going to her and asking her out). Basically, the asking out comes after some time has elapsed, during which time you do nice things to garner the girl's interest. It's not for everyone, but if you're finding that asking off the bat doesn't work for you then it may be worth a shot. I was single for 9 months, and he almost a year, before we got together. Very protracted. I think my situation is different. She has known me for a longtime, she knows I am single, ample opportunity to show interest if she was interested. Well, the same goes for you, no? Especially if she's very attractive, she's probably used to guys showing interest and has no clue how to initiate on her own. Cutiepie is right - unfortunately, most women haven't had to. So the onus is on you. Do SOMEthing, regardless of what you choose to do or how to go about it. 1
Lani Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Well here is the thing Lani, when I have been aggressive and actually tried pursuing a girl, it never works out. They always run away. Conversely, if I wait until the girl shows me interest, then I can pick up on that and run with it. That seems to work better for me. Being aggressive doesn't work for me. However, it leaves me in the predicament of not being able to go after the ones that I really like. Don't be aggressive about it then, maybe subtlety to start out with is what you need. Flirt with her a little, see if she reciprocates. If not, ramp it up a little, and if there still isn't anything, come back to us and we'll offer more advice 1
Recommended Posts