You Are ALL Right-OLD Sucks!!

[debber01]

So after 5 months of trying OLD, and not meeting anyone in person, I finally found someone I thought would be worth meeting in person. We texted for hours last night--both looking for the same exact thing. As wary as I am about meeting strangers, I thought this might work.

 

We had everything in common and were both looking for the same things. Just a day later (thank God it was only a day--not too much invested emotionally at all yet), I get the brush off. Via text of course! He's looking for someone a little more trashy! After telling me that he would never date anyone that doesn't believe in God! Wow. Really?!

 

How does ANYONE slog through this OLD stuff?! I'm SO selective to the point of picky, so when I give someone a phone number, it's a huge thing for me. How do you people DO this?! Rejected before even meeting in person?! Time to grow a MUCH thicker skin, methinks. I just don't understand how you guys DO this! It sucks!!

[mortensorchid]

Wants someone trashy who doesn't believe in God? That's pretty specific, isn't it? When you do OLD you have to keep in mind that people aren't telling anything from the 1-99% truth. But you lived and you learned. I'm happy for you that you took the chance, but yes, in general OLD does suck.

[wheream_i]

He's looking for someone a little more trashy!

 

Can you please elaborate on this?

[debber01]

That's all he said. Was adamant last night that he wouldn't date anyone who didn't believe in God. Tonight? He wants someone 'a little more trashy.' I don't know. It's is all new to me. Was married for 23 years, together for 25, so I've been out of the dating scene for a LONG time...I just don't know how you go through OLD. Have found 3 guys in 6 months that I thought were close enough personality-wise. And all have been a bust. This s*it is just too difficult at 49! Don't know how you younger ones do it!

[wheream_i]

That's all he said. Was adamant last night that he wouldn't date anyone who didn't believe in God. Tonight? He wants someone 'a little more trashy.' I don't know. It's is all new to me. Was married for 23 years, together for 25, so I've been out of the dating scene for a LONG time...I just don't know how you go through OLD. Have found 3 guys in 6 months that I thought were close enough personality-wise. And all have been a bust. This s*it is just too difficult at 49! Don't know how you younger ones do it!

 

I'm 34 and realized OLD isn't for me either.

[Lani]

OLD sucked for me too, but it really does work for some people.

I think you should be a little more open with your choices though, and perhaps go out on a few coffee dates to get your confidence up. It won't hurt, and you're in public so there is very little risk involved.

You never know who you might find... opposites attract you know!

[Wesker]

So after 5 months of trying OLD, and not meeting anyone in person, I finally found someone I thought would be worth meeting in person. We texted for hours last night--both looking for the same exact thing. As wary as I am about meeting strangers, I thought this might work.

 

We had everything in common and were both looking for the same things. Just a day later (thank God it was only a day--not too much invested emotionally at all yet), I get the brush off. Via text of course! He's looking for someone a little more trashy! After telling me that he would never date anyone that doesn't believe in God! Wow. Really?!

 

How does ANYONE slog through this OLD stuff?! I'm SO selective to the point of picky, so when I give someone a phone number, it's a huge thing for me. How do you people DO this?! Rejected before even meeting in person?! Time to grow a MUCH thicker skin, methinks. I just don't understand how you guys DO this! It sucks!!

 

At least take solace that you didn't make plans to meet up, head out only to be stood up. Never to be heard from again like what happened to me. OLD is pretty much like a casino. Advantage to the house.

[debber01]

Wow. Thanks everyone. Pretty much drives home my thoughts about OLD. Tried several websites. Either get interest from 18-22 year old boys that want the cougar/MILF experience (creepy) or old men that are 65-79 years old. Yes 79. Had interest from a 79 year old--equally as creepy. I like younger men--put right in my profile 33-42. How does 18 or 79 equate with 33-42?! It's just a scary world out there.

 

IRL it's just as scary--18, 21, two 24 yo olds...there's a whole generation out there with a LOT of Mommy issues. <ducking, cuz I know it's coming!> But seriously. It's a very scary place out there. OLD OR IRL. :-( Frightening. Guess I'll go back to rescuing dogs. It's a lot more fulfilling.

[Robman9911]

Wow. Thanks everyone. Pretty much drives home my thoughts about OLD. Tried several websites. Either get interest from 18-22 year old boys that want the cougar/MILF experience (creepy) or old men that are 65-79 years old. Yes 79. Had interest from a 79 year old--equally as creepy. I like younger men--put right in my profile 33-42. How does 18 or 79 equate with 33-42?! It's just a scary world out there.

 

IRL it's just as scary--18, 21, two 24 yo olds...there's a whole generation out there with a LOT of Mommy issues. <ducking, cuz I know it's coming!> But seriously. It's a very scary place out there. OLD OR IRL. :-( Frightening. Guess I'll go back to rescuing dogs. It's a lot more fulfilling.

 

Im 39.. hit me up.. lol.

 

OLD only works for certain personalities. I like it but I know it has its flaws.

[debber01]

Wants someone trashy who doesn't believe in God? That's pretty specific, isn't it? When you do OLD you have to keep in mind that people aren't telling anything from the 1-99% truth. But you lived and you learned. I'm happy for you that you took the chance, but yes, in general OLD does suck.

 

 

Thanks. I guess that's my problem with OLD. I am absolutely 100% honest. I'm damn old to play those games, and I never did anyway. What ya see is what ya get. I just can't play those games. Never could.

[debber01]

Im 39.. hit me up.. lol.

 

OLD only works for certain personalities. I like it but I know it has its flaws.

 

Please elaborate Robman. What types of personalities does OLD work for? I feel like I'm living on Mars. I don't understand. Lol.

[Robman9911]

Please elaborate Robman. What types of personalities does OLD work for? I feel like I'm living on Mars. I don't understand. Lol.

 

I cant speak for everyone. I think its better for shier, introverts (as a male). I am good at taking to women in public but all I do is talk about the weather, and about an hour later think.. "damn I should have asked for her number." On line I am braver to ask for numbers and settung up dates.

[CarrieT]

I just don't know how you go through OLD. Have found 3 guys in 6 months that I thought were close enough personality-wise. And all have been a bust. This s*it is just too difficult at 49! Don't know how you younger ones do it!

 

I did online dating from age 43 (on and off) until I found someone at age 47.

 

It *is* work, but I would never have texted someone for hours... I did talk to hundreds of guys, went on 50+ coffee meet-and-greets, and worked it.

 

If I found someone remotely interesting, I would try to push it to a phone call pretty quickly; I felt I could get a lot out of a person with a phone call and the hours of texting or back-and-forth emails would have driven me nuts.

 

I grew a thick skin early on after a few first dates that provided heartbreak.

 

It really is a numbers game, but can pay off if you don't get too invested too early on - as the OP seems to have...

[debber01]

OLD sucked for me too, but it really does work for some people.

I think you should be a little more open with your choices though, and perhaps go out on a few coffee dates to get your confidence up. It won't hurt, and you're in public so there is very little risk involved.

You never know who you might find... opposites attract you know!

 

Thanks Lani! Can't seem to GET to the meet in person--coffee, dinner, drinks....things seem to be going so well and then they flake. WTF? It's almost like, with OLD, that they have many plates that they are juggling, and they pick a different one every night! He asked me last night if we could go out. Yep. Was all over it. Apparently his OLD profile came up with something better tonight. Not bitter. Just trying to understand. ??

[debber01]

I did online dating from age 43 (on and off) until I found someone at age 47.

 

It *is* work, but I would never have texted someone for hours... I did talk to hundreds of guys, went on 50+ coffee meet-and-greets, and worked it.

 

If I found someone remotely interesting, I would try to push it to a phone call pretty quickly; I felt I could get a lot out of a person with a phone call and the hours of texting or back-and-forth emails would have driven me nuts.

 

I grew a thick skin early on after a few first dates that provided heartbreak.

 

It really is a numbers game, but can pay off if you don't get too invested too early on - as the OP seems to have...

 

Thanks Carrie. Not invested emotionally at ALL-- it was only 1 night of texting--but just trying to logically make sense of it. Trying to logically make sense of OLD- wow. What a misnomer! Lol.

[rocketman122]

So after 5 months of trying OLD, and not meeting anyone in person, I finally found someone I thought would be worth meeting in person. We texted for hours last night--both looking for the same exact thing. As wary as I am about meeting strangers, I thought this might work.

 

We had everything in common and were both looking for the same things. Just a day later (thank God it was only a day--not too much invested emotionally at all yet), I get the brush off. Via text of course! He's looking for someone a little more trashy! After telling me that he would never date anyone that doesn't believe in God! Wow. Really?!

 

How does ANYONE slog through this OLD stuff?! I'm SO selective to the point of picky, so when I give someone a phone number, it's a huge thing for me. How do you people DO this?! Rejected before even meeting in person?! Time to grow a MUCH thicker skin, methinks. I just don't understand how you guys DO this! It sucks!!

 

those are your issues right there. you need to be more open minded and if you hesitate so much you will not meet anyone. you have to want it. not go in with a skeptic mindset and holding back. its like a smoker wanting to quit. if youre just going to window shop or doing it casually, then your outcome is obvious. just saves time.

 

I did OLD for a year and was very successful. im dating someone a year and a half. but I wasnt skeptic, or so selective. I went in knowing I will meet someone. I went on dates, tried and tried again. and, uh, you need to lower your "im so picky" thinking. no reason to be.

[debber01]

I cant speak for everyone. I think its better for shier, introverts (as a male). I am good at taking to women in public but all I do is talk about the weather, and about an hour later think.. "damn I should have asked for her number." On line I am braver to ask for numbers and settung up dates.

 

OK. I've been out of the loop for a quarter century, but I would think that small talk, the weather,etc., would be a great icebreaker. It gets the conversation started right? Isn't that what it's supposed to be about? Rhetorical question there! I'm friggin' clueless, but it seems like that's the right thing to do Robman.

[jcrew11]

You are too picky and looking for MR Perfect. Also, Men will always want to date younger and they have more options with better looking younger women. You may want to try eharmoney or the senior dating sites.

 

The purpose of "Dating" is to "date and meet a lot of new people"

 

It sounds like you just want to meet only "1 guy"; and that's also expecting your Mr Perfect to like you back - and not the hundreds of better looking women he has to choose from.

[debber01]

those are your issues right there. you need to be more open minded and if you hesitate so much you will not meet anyone. you have to want it. not go in with a skeptic mindset and holding back. its like a smoker wanting to quit. if youre just going to window shop or doing it casually, then your outcome is obvious. just saves time.

 

I did OLD for a year and was very successful. im dating someone a year and a half. but I wasnt skeptic, or so selective. I went in knowing I will meet someone. I went on dates, tried and tried again. and, uh, you need to lower your "im so picky" thinking. no reason to be.

 

You are absolutely right Rocketman. I guess what I mean by being picky is that I don't want to date an 18 year old. Or a 79 year old. (WHY would a 79 y/o have a profile on a dating website and look for someone his grandaughter's age?) Rhetorical). I'm picky in that I need a realistic age range. 18-79 is NOT realistic! Let's narrow that down to 33-40 something. Is it really being picky in that I won't date someone younger than my kids, but older than my grandfather? Again. Rhetorical. Just trying to understand.

[Lani]

Your age range is something you can be specific with, but all the other details, just take a chance and see what happens.

 

Lighten up about the whole thing, have some fun with it!

[debber01]

You are too picky and looking for MR Perfect. Also, Men will always want to date younger and they have more options with better looking younger women. You may want to try eharmoney or the senior dating sites.

 

The purpose of "Dating" is to "date and meet a lot of new people"

 

It sounds like you just want to meet only "1 guy"; and that's also expecting your Mr Perfect to like you back - and not the hundreds of better looking women he has to choose from.

 

Touché. You may be right. Guess it's time to go back to rescuing dogs. This crap just isn't for me. I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person. There's never the 'wrong' dog. Glad I tried OLD tho. Just so that I know it's def not for me. Thanks for your input!

[Soxfaninfl]

I've been doing online dating since September of 2011. I was married for 11 years prior to that. I've dated two women that I met on those sites. I did a third for one date but after meeting it felt like friends. I didn't feel the chemistry was there. I know it sucks to out there again. I was with my ex-wife for 13 years and never thought I be single again. I thought i had a love of a life time, but she lefy. OLD dating works for me because I'm a shy guy. Once I get to know you via email, text or phone first before meeting I feel comfortable. I am an extroverted it's just I'm shy at first with women in the beginning. I'm not giving up. I'm also not into the bar scene anymore at 37. I'm not good at picking up women.

[rocketman122]

You are absolutely right Rocketman. I guess what I mean by being picky is that I don't want to date an 18 year old. Or a 79 year old. (WHY would a 79 y/o have a profile on a dating website and look for someone his grandaughter's age?) Rhetorical). I'm picky in that I need a realistic age range. 18-79 is NOT realistic! Let's narrow that down to 33-40 something. Is it really being picky in that I won't date someone younger than my kids, but older than my grandfather? Again. Rhetorical. Just trying to understand.

 

Thats a very fair basic thing to request. just input what age range and if it bothers you so much, just note it in your profile description. ages below X or over X please dont contact me. simple. 33 for a 49YO is pretty young. you say mommy issues but it seems you like that

 

there are many young guys today who like dating older women though. Im 41 and only date older women. seems to be more acceptable for a man to date a younger woman than an older woman to date a younger guy.

[CarrieT]

Yes, Debber - applying something as steadfast as logic to OLD is a mistake. There is no logic.

 

First off, a greater proportion of the guys online are married or attached and are just there for the game. Heck, the same could probably be said for the women.

 

That is why it is a numbers game = to weed out those who really ARE looking for a relationship.

 

I am/was like you. I am honest to a fault and laid out everything up front with little game-playing. I can also tell you that after having not been married for 23+ years (my first marriage traumatized me that badly and didn't think I would ever want to be married again), I am engaged to a guy I met online. We both marvel that we found each other, but we both worked at it a long time and went on a lot of first dates (I moreso than him).

[Soxfaninfl]

You are too picky and looking for MR Perfect. Also, Men will always want to date younger and they have more options with better looking younger women.

 

This is not true. I'm 37, and I've dated a 43 year old, 40 year old and a 38 year old women. I did also date a 34 year old women since my divorce. She was the only one that was younger than me.

Edited March 14, 2013 by Soxfaninfl