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Posted
Having an affair is often grounds for being fired in itself. It happens all the time. The fact that he chose to sleep with someone who was once his student only makes the situation look worse for him.

 

Your IQ has nothing to do with your abilities as a parent. I am not saying you're an unfit mother; I'm saying he may claim you are if he has a vested interest in either getting custody of the child or stopping you from raising it.

 

How drunk was he?

 

Not for a teacher.

 

No he wouldn't. But it's like a lot of you assume a lot for not knowing anything about me.

  • Author
Posted
if you're an adult, why are you afraid to tell your parents?

 

It's none of their business. I'm an adult I can take care of myself.

Posted
It's none of their business. I'm an adult I can take care of myself.

 

are you still living under their roof? If so then yes it is their business.

  • Like 1
Posted
Where have I said anywhere that I didn't want my baby. You need better reading comprehension. Just because his dad doesn't want me to have it doesn't mean I don't want to I've repeatedly said I wanted to keep it.

 

And I never had a time where I partied anyway.

 

When you were willing to abort the baby for the opportunity to sleep with him again it was pretty clear that wanting the baby wasn't high on your list.

 

I'm out. Good luck.

  • Like 6
Posted
I don't plan to tell until I'm showing.

I'll figure it out eventually.

Bad we're not talking.

And no he's getting fired for having an affair with a consenting adult.

I'm not unfit because I slept with a married man. My IQ is 168. So no I'm not a recent former student. I'm an adult. There's nothing childish about 19 I'm almost 20. The only thing we can't do is drink. In fact, he was drunk. I technically seduced him.

 

Those of us that are saying you are unfit to be a mother don't think it's because you slept with a married man...we think you are unfit based on the comments you have made regarding the situation such as having an abortion so he'll sleep with you one more time. And now, "he was drunk... I seduced him". (By the way, taking advantage of a drunk person is not seduction.)

 

An IQ of 168 would make you a genius. Did you take one of those free online tests or a true IQ test administered by a professional psychologist? If your IQ really is that high, you should be doing something to stimulate your genius mind, not having babies with a married loser. You have a lot of potential with a rare IQ like that.

  • Like 5
Posted
Not for a teacher.

 

No he wouldn't. But it's like a lot of you assume a lot for not knowing anything about me.

 

Yes, he really can get fired. He is a middle school teacher, not a tenured college professor. He can be fired for doing anything that makes the school look bad or for violating any morality clause his employment may have. If you live in a small town, rumors will spread like wildfire, and parents will complain about him teaching their children. It doesn't matter that it was consensual sex betweem adults. What matters is that it is 'scandalous' and will create drama.

 

I apologize if you think I am assuming things about you. I am just trying to help you think more clearly about the situation you're in.

 

You are dealing with a man who does not want this baby. He does not want to pay child support. If claiming you are an unfit mother gets the child taken from you, he doesn't have to pay for it. He will do anything to not have to take responsibility at this point and to prevent his wife from finding out. You cannot trust him.

 

Have you talked to anyone outside this online forum? You should try talking to someone you trust like a friend and get their perspective. They know you and your situation better than we do. You will need a strong support network no matter what you choose. Support networks are one of the most important things in life. They can help you through anything, no matter how tough.

 

You can also try to look up any local young parent support groups in your area. Many of them have gone through what you're going through and can give you help and advice.

 

You can successfully raise this child if you are willing to meet all the obstacles in your way head on, but you cannot do it on your own. You need the support and love of people who care about you and will stay by your side.

 

Your family and friends are going to be your most important resources in all this. This is why you should tell your parents sooner rather than later. I know it's hard, but they love you unconditionally. It may not always seem like it, especially when you mess up and make mistakes, but no one will advocate for you more than they will.

  • Like 3
  • Author
Posted

Everyone is somebody's child. If anytime he has sex with someone, he sleeps with someone's child. That's just how biology works. If the parents don't like it they could complain. It's going to do nothing. Fathers and mothers all over the world get pissed when their kid ****s some random guy or girl they don't approve of. If this got people fired, no one would **** or we'd all be unemployed.

 

Most people go to school. Teachers can **** former students of other schools so what's different with their students and others? Nothing. And if he were attracted to underage girls he'd have taken advantage at 13. Which he didn't. The twenties are the prime in appearance. We don't look like young teens. I think it's normal to find men and women as most attractive in the 20 to 32 year age range. I'm barely at all a teen I'm very soon to be 20.

 

And many teachers cheat. They still have their jobs. Many have failing marriages. They still have their jobs. Teachers are humans with lives as long as their outside life doesn't get in the way of their professional life. It is an independent issue. I'm not his student. And haven't been for a long time. This isn't high school or anything where you only date in a 4 year range. People have choice they reach 18. Btw, his kids are very young. They're not my age. Just wanted to clear that up.

  • Author
Posted
Yes, he really can get fired. He is a middle school teacher, not a tenured college professor. He can be fired for doing anything that makes the school look bad or for violating any morality clause his employment may have. If you live in a small town, rumors will spread like wildfire, and parents will complain about him teaching their children. It doesn't matter that it was consensual sex betweem adults. What matters is that it is 'scandalous' and will create drama.

 

I apologize if you think I am assuming things about you. I am just trying to help you think more clearly about the situation you're in.

 

You are dealing with a man who does not want this baby. He does not want to pay child support. If claiming you are an unfit mother gets the child taken from you, he doesn't have to pay for it. He will do anything to not have to take responsibility at this point and to prevent his wife from finding out. You cannot trust him.

 

Have you talked to anyone outside this online forum? You should try talking to someone you trust like a friend and get their perspective. They know you and your situation better than we do. You will need a strong support network no matter what you choose. Support networks are one of the most important things in life. They can help you through anything, no matter how tough.

 

You can also try to look up any local young parent support groups in your area. Many of them have gone through what you're going through and can give you help and advice.

 

You can successfully raise this child if you are willing to meet all the obstacles in your way head on, but you cannot do it on your own. You need the support and love of people who care about you and will stay by your side.

 

Your family and friends are going to be your most important resources in all this. This is why you should tell your parents sooner rather than later. I know it's hard, but they love you unconditionally. It may not always seem like it, especially when you mess up and make mistakes, but no one will advocate for you more than they will.

 

Wrong she knows.

 

My parents would set up an appointment and drive me to the clinic. They'd not help.

I'm not a teen parent or mom. I'm having my baby when I'm 20.

 

But if there was more something oriented toward single moms that would be great maybe yea I'll ask my ob on the next visit

 

I talked to a friend about it I ended up telling her I got an abortion just so she'd shut up about the subject.

  • Author
Posted
are you still living under their roof? If so then yes it is their business.

 

It's my body. I have all rights to disclose and to not disclose what's going on with my own body.

Posted
Everyone is somebody's child. If anytime he has sex with someone, he sleeps with someone's child. That's just how biology works. If the parents don't like it they could complain. It's going to do nothing. Fathers and mothers all over the world get pissed when their kid ****s some random guy or girl they don't approve of. If this got people fired, no one would **** or we'd all be unemployed.

 

Most people go to school. Teachers can **** former students of other schools so what's different with their students and others? Nothing. And if he were attracted to underage girls he'd have taken advantage at 13. Which he didn't. The twenties are the prime in appearance. We don't look like young teens. I think it's normal to find men and women as most attractive in the 20 to 32 year age range. I'm barely at all a teen I'm very soon to be 20.

 

And many teachers cheat. They still have their jobs. Many have failing marriages. They still have their jobs. Teachers are humans with lives as long as their outside life doesn't get in the way of their professional life. It is an independent issue. I'm not his student. And haven't been for a long time. This isn't high school or anything where you only date in a 4 year range. People have choice they reach 18. Btw, his kids are very young. They're not my age. Just wanted to clear that up.

 

There is a difference between a parent disapproving of who their child dates/sleep with and cheating on one's wife. Many people consider cheating immoral. Adultery is a sin in many religions, and it is even a crime punishable by death in some places. Parents want their children taught by good role models. Someone who has an affair is not a role model in the eyes of many people.

 

He can only get in trouble for it of the school finds out. It's true that some schools may not care, but others will. My high school spanish teacher actually dated a student right after she graduated. Her father was a school adminstrator and he asked for his and his wife's permission first.

 

I am not even going to talk about my high school math teacher who slept with a student, got fired, arrested, and is now a registered sex offender :sick: But my point is that you're right, it does happen.

 

I teach college classes (I'm in grad school, not a professor yet). It is explicitly against my contract to date a student or a former student until they are no longer enrolled at the institution. One of my professors has been married to a former student for 30 years now. People still gossip about him choosing to date her in my department, and, yes, people still find it scandalous.

 

You are far below him in terms of maturity even though you may have a high IQ. He simply has more life experience than you. It's true that you are barely a teenager, but you are also barely an adult. You have legally been an adult for about two years.

 

I'm sure there are groups aimed at mothers in their early 20s, as well as single mothers. You should definitely look into them because they could be great resources for you.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

Tbh being a teacher in itself shows you don't want them to be a role model to your kid unless you have low expectations of your kid.

 

You're missing that it was because he was the school administrator.... My dad has no control like that.

 

Yeah because in the second situation it was a student a minor. I'm not a minor he's not a person of authority to me anymore. I'm nearly 20. A teacher who sleeps with an underage student is a pedophile a criminal and if found out they'll be fired most likely.

 

How old are you? Who cares who gossips about what?

Posted

Hi, Tracy,

This is my first post on ls. My mommy instincts are kicking in, so are my instincts as a fellow pregnant woman.

If you have not made an appointment with you Ob/Gyn, please do so. Pre-natal care for your unborn child (and yourself) is the absolute best thing you can do now that you have decided to keep the baby. Of course there are many other decisions and plans to be made. Establishing your medical support team will be a great help to you, and they may be able to direct you to support groups in your area both specific to your situation, and to pregnancy/motherhood in general. I wish you well.

~M

  • Author
Posted
She knows. Who knows? Knows what?

 

No one said 'teen parent'. The poster said 'young parent'. 20 is a young parent. It's good that you're ask about it. Being a parent is a lot of work. It never ends and it's tiring.

 

So you can't defend your position to your friend and yet you're keeping the child? You'll need much more of a backbone than that to do this.

 

Does the father know yet that you are keeping the child?

 

I already said he knows and so does his wife.

I don't know how I'm going to parent. I just kind of have been like I know what I want.

  • Author
Posted

Because its mine to want. I love him or her. I don't think I'm strong enough to do an adoption. I am getting a job so I can mange on my own. Oh and he told her I already said that a few days ago. I'm 10 weeks pregnant and putting on weight so my famy will know soon. And I have been to my ob. Everything is ok. I'm 100% healthy.

Posted

It would be more efficient if the advice here stopped being about abortion or adoption, and took the reality of her wanting to raise her baby as a starting point. She can decide what she wants, and she's done that. It's absurd to try to prove her wrong.

 

Her parents will likely provide some support when it comes to their grandchid, so I don't think worrying about basic needs is necessary.

 

The big headache will be dealing with the scandal, and the BW. That's a place where I wouldn't want to be, especially so young. Life goes on though, and it reaches some balance. The father will probably not be that involved, reluctantly pay child support and she'll be a single mom for a number of years. Unheard of. If she keeps the focus on her life and her future, it doesn't have to be statistically gloomy.

  • Like 2
Posted

Tracey,

 

I know you don't want to hear things that go against what you want to do. I know you think you're smart and I know you think you've got it all figured out.

 

Babies don't care how smart you are or what you want out of life.

 

The reality of a newborn baby is almost unfathomable unless you've experienced it firsthand.

 

I remember the first week after I had my baby feeling like I'd been in a car accident. It is pretty intense and awful. Then, on top of that, having to wake up to breast feed the baby every few hours. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed and I had a husband who helped and we had extended family that came over too.

 

For the first several weeks, you can't lift anything over 9 lbs. And you'll be so exhausted, you won't even be able to THINK about cooking, cleaning, doing laundry.

 

I cannot imagine being a single mom to a newborn and having no one support me. I really don't understand why you would want to choose that life for yourself.

 

And if you work, that makes breast feeding even HARDER. And let me tell you, you could spend your life savings on formula because it is NOT cheap by any means. But, you may be able to get on WIC or welfare and get your baby food that way.

 

That would be a shame for someone with an IQ of 168, considering that you could have been a doctor or a lawyer or anything really that you wanted to be.

 

Regardless, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you'll continue to post here.

Posted
Not sure where you're getting this from. He cannot force OP to give the child up for adoption, and if the state takes the child he is still responsiblef for it financially. The state will garnish his wages and keep the fund to help offset the costs it incurs for foster care/daycare/medical insurance/etc. Unless that child is legally adopted by another, or the OP has an abortion, the biological father must pay child support.

 

I was mistaken about this. You are correct. He is obligated to pay child support even if CPS takes the child.

Posted
How old are you? Who cares who gossips about what?

 

I am in my 20s, not significantly much older than you.

 

Gossip is an inevitable part of life. It happens at every workplace. I care about it because I am in a small field where everyone knows everyone and gossip can influence my reputation. Unfortunately, it does not go away after high school.

 

I'm glad that the doctor says you're healthy. I'm also glad he told his wife. The three of you will eventually need to come up with some sort of plan or arrangement to do what is best for your child.

  • Author
Posted
I am in my 20s, not significantly much older than you.

 

Gossip is an inevitable part of life. It happens at every workplace. I care about it because I am in a small field where everyone knows everyone and gossip can influence my reputation. Unfortunately, it does not go away after high school.

 

I'm glad that the doctor says you're healthy. I'm also glad he told his wife. The three of you will eventually need to come up with some sort of plan or arrangement to do what is best for your child.

 

If the people you associate with are that gullible to believe anything, I'd suggest you reconsider who you associate with... Js.

 

Thank you. We will eventually.

Posted

Traceylove,

 

Go back to page One.

 

Read what YOU wrote.

 

Something is amiss...

 

Something happened and you are not sharing a Key part of it.

 

Until you do, you will not get anything out of your time here. "HighI.Q. Or Not"

  • Like 3
Posted
If the people you associate with are that gullible to believe anything, I'd suggest you reconsider who you associate with... Js.

 

Thank you. We will eventually.

 

People will gossip about you no matter what you do. Everyone judges you for your actions. People will judge you for having a child at a young age. People will judge you for sleeping with a married man. They will develop a perception of you and it will color all their future judgments of you... and you will do it to other people too, because it is ingrained in our cognitive structure. It is how the human brain has evolved to process the world around us.

 

I don't think you're ready to be helped at this point. You haven't expressed any real remorse for what you have done to this man's wife and his children. You have no concept of the burden you are putting on your parents. You do not seem to understand or care about the quality of life your child will have. Everything has been and probably will continue to be about you and your wants and desires. You have been acting with the mentality of a spoiled child.

 

The truth is that I feel sorry for you and everyone you are hurting with your selfishness. You have a lot of growing to do if you are going to be a good mother and a good human being.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted

You're distracting from what I pointed out because I have a point. You totally danced around what I was saying where you quoted me.

 

 

Perceptions are different from being gullible to be anything just because someone said it.

 

And no I'm not sorry about his wife. I made no promise to her. She's not my concern. I'm not a mother to her kids. I have only one child. I know nothing about them. Him not committing to her is their problem not mine. Just facts.

Posted
Insurance rates are high for people under 25 (and the drinking age limit was raised) because the part of the brain (frontal lobes) responsible for rational decision making aren't fully formed until much later after the magical 18th birthday...

 

Age 21 is the age that I have heard as the accepted time when all brain functions are at their formation capacity. It makes total sense to me - but of course, there are always outliers who will be completely formed prior and or after - it's not an exact thing - like, boom, you're 21 - ALLDONE... :) I think a lot of people aren't aware of this and think it happens when children are actually still children.

  • Author
Posted

I'm closer to 21 then 18. Js.

Posted

A math genius too?!

 

Awesome.

 

TraceyL, add up how many different posters have responded with kindness, sincerity & concern only to have you turn on them should you disagree w/the truth that they are giving.

 

Your words of hooking up & getting pregnant I no longer view as an attempt to seek guidance & support.

Whatever compassion I had from your thread topic has been comprimised by your lack of empathy for the stepmother of your child. The same child you were willing to abort for "one more lay".

 

Please TraceyL, talk to a professional who can help you deal w/the MANY different emotions you are dealing with from your thread topic to your animosity at those who oppose your views, your fear of your parents , your unwarranted callousness (although I sense anger & animocity) towards MM's innocent W & children, ending w/your Un-natural obsession w/your middle school teacher. (Former).

You are in control of how you care for yourself and family. But you Need to be Mature about the reality of your situation and the Many people involved & hurt by your behavior*

  • Like 5
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