I hooked up with a married man and?

March 14, 2013

I really really liked him a lot when I was in 8th grade I missed him so much when I left. I feel like if maybe I do the right thing I'll be able to have him longer.

He has already proved that you won't be in his life with or without this pregnancy. His only reason for pushing you to get an abortion is so his wife never finds out and he can go on living his happy life. Regardless of want he or you family wants, do what YOU want. This is a decision you will have to deal with for the rest of your life either way you go. I can not stress this enough, NEITHER HAVING THIS BABY OR ABORTING IT WILL KEEP HIM EVEN A SECOND LONGER. Besides, he is tossing you aside like a piece of garbage. Why would you want to hang on to someone like that anyway?

March 14, 2013

An abortion is an extremely emotional experience to go through.

You should never be 'pressured' into having one, by anyone, no matter who they are.

If you have an abortion, it must be because you have decided for yourself that this is absolutely a situation you cannot have, handle or deal with at all, and that to continue would severely alter your life for the worse.

And place the child in a completely disadvantaged situation.

This being completely apart from health reasons. Health reasons are in a category all of their own.

And you should never, but never, have an abortion as a form of 'birth control'.

Adoption would make a childless couple very happy.

Adoption would give your child chances and opportunities you may not be able to give it.

Adoption would at least give everyone a future, but would also bring his behaviour to everyone's attention, and make him "own" his actions.

As to your 'relationship' with him: get a grip, darling.

There isn't one.

What he most wants to do now is to pretend you don't exist and forget you as much as he can.

Do not hold out any thought or belief that this can in any way bring you two closer together, because it most certainly won't.

But he needs to know (if you choose this - and I really hope you do) that his child is going to be adopted. And yes, seriously: His name MUST go on the birth certificate.

Last - but not least - this will help you 'grow up'.

This will show you that all actions have consequences. What you do, carries results. And you are carrying one heck of a result, right now.

You need to show some 'adult' thinking here, and face your actions: And to my mind, do the right thing.

But that's just me.

March 14, 2013

Tracy, I understand your feelings on abortion and that is your right. What about adoption? Do you think you can give this child the life it deserves? Do you think you can care and support this child on your own?

Running away and hiding is a child response, honey you aren't a child any longer. This is now an adult situation that you need to face. I understand you really liked him but honey don't you see that in 8th you were a child, having a child's crush. You didn't really know him or anything about it. I think it is disgraceful that he slept with you because you aren't much more than a child yourself. But you did make the decision and now have to face the consequences.

You need to figure out if you can care for this child. You can get child support from him because he is legally responsible to care for the child as well, but is this the life you want? Are you ready for this responsibility?

We had a relationship back then as well but we never had sex or anything I've always known emotionally how I've felt about him. I kind of lose it when I'm around him.

He was I think intoxicated

It's not his it's my parents it's him I feel I'm going to be overwhelmed.

March 14, 2013

I really really liked him a lot when I was in 8th grade I missed him so much when I left. I feel like if maybe I do the right thing I'll be able to have him longer.

Why do you want someone who has made it clear he does not want you?

Many people your age have successfully raised children. However, it is not easy and requires a lot of sacrifices. The father is legally required to provide you with child support, but you will probably have to take him to court and have a paternity test done before he will take responsibility.

Your parents can support you and the baby, but they cannot do it forever. You need to complete college/technical school so that you can get a good job. It is nearly impossible to live off of minimum wage, let alone raise a child on it alone.

Adoption is a good choice if you do not want to have an abortion. You can even be involved in the process of selecting the parents who will raise the child. You can also arrange to have an open adoption that will allow you to visit/call/send letters to the child and be a part of its life if that is something you are interested in.

My best friend had a child at 20, but the child was taken away by the state because she was not a responsible enough parent. The father signed away his rights, and her parents eventually pressured her into giving the baby up for adoption. She did not want to at first, but now she realizes that she did what is best for the baby and herself.

March 14, 2013

Tell your parents you may be surprised by their support, if they feel you are too immature or not ready have a baby they will tell you this but I think they will also ask you if this is what you want, if you do they will support you and your baby.

No they have always said I wouldn't make a good mom. Brb

March 14, 2013

We had a relationship back then as well but we never had sex or anything I've always known emotionally how I've felt about him. I kind of lose it when I'm around him.

He was I think intoxicated

It's not his it's my parents it's him I feel I'm going to be overwhelmed.

What do you mean exactly that you guys had a relationship back then? What kind of relationship?

Do you have the ability to get into therapy? I think there are more issues going on with you and you need some help in a few areas? Have you had other inappropriate relationships with men? Do you see how inappropriate this all is for him? Do you recognize that he was crossing lines now if not when you were a child?

March 14, 2013

I don't care

And it doesn't matter.

I've been to a counselor mentally Ive been evaluated I'm fine.

March 14, 2013

Tracylove, Are you alright?!?!!

You must be out of your mind right now and that's normal. I'd be Waaaay more concerned if you weren't a complete mess.

I can't imagine being at an age where my life was just getting going to then sleep w/a man who was my Middle School teacher only five years earlier who is Married w/children only to wind up pregnant while not being much older than his own children and having him, ignore you then being a jackhole about demanding you abort this innocent baby you Both made together so he can go back to his W & children, leaving you w/scars that may not ever go away and ensure at least some sort of therapy for you to be able to have or even consider having a Healthy relationship. I haven't even mentioned or asked about your college and/or career goals.

Oh My Holy God!! I am So incredibly upset for you right now.

I picture my own daughter and, oh geez, I just, I would hunt this MM down and, I can't even write what I'd do...

So, please, are you Alright??

March 14, 2013

I'm going to be blunt and some of you may hate me for it or disagree, but from what I've read, I don't think you're mature enough to be a mother right now. Please spare the societal burden you will inevidelbly put on us and don't have this baby! If you are against abortion, give it to a family who is ready for this kind of commitment.

I think his wife should know too...this man has probably had his eye on you since you were 14 and couldn't wait till you were out of high school to stick it in you. Who knows what other young women he is messing with.

March 14, 2013

I'm going to be blunt and some of you may hate me for it or disagree, but from what I've read, I don't think you're mature enough to be a mother right now. Please spare the societal burden you will inevidelbly put on us and don't have this baby! If you are against abortion, give it to a family who is ready for this kind of commitment.

I think his wife should know too...this man has probably had his eye on you since you were 14 and couldn't wait till you were out of high school to stick it in you. Who knows what other young women he is messing with.

Yeah at the same time with adoption I feel ashamed to admit its unwanted and like I feel like I'd rather it be my secret that he refused to raise a baby with me. I want him to be ok with me having his baby when I talk to him I know he'll never be ok with it then I just feel like too ashamed like maybe it was be better as my own secret that this all happened

March 14, 2013

Well maybe if you agree to the abortion, he will still want to be with you? Since that's what he wants, right?

If you were my 19 year old daughter, I would want you to have the abortion as you have so much life in front of you.

But since it is your choice, what do you want?

March 14, 2013

Well maybe if you agree to the abortion, he will still want to be with you? Since that's what he wants, right?

If you were my 19 year old daughter, I would want you to have the abortion as you have so much life in front of you.

But since it is your choice, what do you want?

Yeah a part of me thinks that because when I tried to get in touch with him he wanted to hook up again. If I was sure that he would be at all involved with me afterwards I would do it. I just can't count on it. I know I have a lot more to life than this which is another reason I want it.

Honestly, I don't know what I want.

I think even if I get an abortion I still won't know what I really wanted its too many things involved. I feel sometimes if it was over he would treat me better than of I had it. And no one would know about this. That he didn't want a child with me that I have slept with him. But I don't feel happy with it. I just feel like less than by how he treats our baby rather than his children.

March 14, 2013

oh sweetheart... you are only 5 years older than my daughter

what i'm going to tell you is the same thing as what i would have told her:

think of your child's life. think that you're bringing a person into the world, not a baby - they don't stay babies for very long. and that person is already a secret even before their life began.

and eventually, truth *will* come out, and it will be ugly. your child's father never wanted him/her, they're a product of something their parents are ashamed of. do you realise how unfair that is?

i had an abortion when i was 20 - and i was also against them, adamantly. i have kept my pregnancy a secret for as long as i could; luckily, my mum worked out what was going on and asked me straight out.

it was hard, i cried so much, and i never really got over it. but i am glad that i didn't have that child. i would have brought a life into the world that i couldn't support and offer everything i should as a parent.

your parents, no matter what they've said up til now, are who you need to turn to.

and if i were them, i would make that creep pay.

March 14, 2013

And no one would know about this. That he didn't want a child with me that I have slept with him.

It's not so much that he doesn't want a child with you but that he doesn't want a child because his wife will find out he cheated. If you have the child and expect him to be in its life, he cannot hide the affair from his wife. She may want a divorce. His children will also find out that he cheated on their mother.

Do you want a relationship with him or for him to just be civil and be in the child's life should you choose to have it?

Have you talked with your friends about the situation? What do they say?

March 14, 2013

Yeah a part of me thinks that because when I tried to get in touch with him he wanted to hook up again. If I was sure that he would be at all involved with me afterwards I would do it. I just can't count on it. I know I have a lot more to life than this which is another reason I want it.

Honestly, I don't know what I want.

I think even if I get an abortion I still won't know what I really wanted its too many things involved. I feel sometimes if it was over he would treat me better than of I had it. And no one would know about this. That he didn't want a child with me that I have slept with him. But I don't feel happy with it. I just feel like less than by how he treats our baby rather than his children.

he's blackmailing you! saying he is willing to be with you if you abort because he's sh*t scared his wife will find out! when he thinks about you being pregnant he's not imagining baby booties and cooing, to him your pregnancy is proof he cheated on his wife and nothing else!

forget about him, he's a user and borderline paedophile.

you need to work out what is best FOR YOU. then you need to tell everyone what happened, because next time he can go for someone even younger.

he's obviously not above abusing his position of authority and trust and SHOULD NOT be working with children!

March 14, 2013

oh sweetheart... you are only 5 years older than my daughter

what i'm going to tell you is the same thing as what i would have told her:

think of your child's life. think that you're bringing a person into the world, not a baby - they don't stay babies for very long. and that person is already a secret even before their life began.

and eventually, truth *will* come out, and it will be ugly. your child's father never wanted him/her, they're a product of something their parents are ashamed of. do you realise how unfair that is?

i had an abortion when i was 20 - and i was also against them, adamantly. i have kept my pregnancy a secret for as long as i could; luckily, my mum worked out what was going on and asked me straight out.
it was hard, i cried so much, and i never really got over it. but i am glad that i didn't have that child. i would have brought a life into the world that i couldn't support and offer everything i should as a parent.

your parents, no matter what they've said up til now, are who you need to turn to.
and if i were them, i would make that creep pay.

If I have an abortion will it come out? Likely not.

I'm not really ashamed of what I do more ashamed of how he's reacted what people think.

I just don't know if I can forgive myself for an abortion.

March 14, 2013

If I have an abortion will it come out? Likely not.

I'm not really ashamed of what I do more ashamed of how he's reacted what people think.

I just don't know if I can forgive myself for an abortion.

it should come out. as per my latest reply to your thread.

his wife needs to know that he's fiddling with students or former students. so does his place of work. i wouldn't like to think that there's a guy like that teaching my teenage daughter!

and you need to make decisions based on what's best for you and your child's life, without consideration for him. because he doesn't have any consideration for you. you're young and being used by a creep, can you see that?

March 14, 2013

It's not so much that he doesn't want a child with you but that he doesn't want a child because his wife will find out he cheated. If you have the child and expect him to be in its life, he cannot hide the affair from his wife. She may want a divorce. His children will also find out that he cheated on their mother.

Do you want a relationship with him or for him to just be civil and be in the child's life should you choose to have it?

Have you talked with your friends about the situation? What do they say?

Yeah I know but I wouldn't tell her if he was ok with me being a secret but still having him or her she doesn't have to know.

March 14, 2013

If I have an abortion will it come out? Likely not.

I'm not really ashamed of what I do more ashamed of how he's reacted what people think.

I just don't know if I can forgive myself for an abortion.

You will be fine. If your morals didn't get in the way of committing adultery, they won't get in the way here. Again, you aren't ready for a child. You need to rid yourself of this disgusting man completely and having his baby will not make that happen.

March 14, 2013

as for abortions - it's a deeply personal thing and only you are the right person to make that decision.

i was just telling you of my experience. and i *did* forgive myself. i've never forgotten, but in time i made peace with it.

regardless of what you do, don't do it because of MM. because he might not be around either way...

March 14, 2013

he's blackmailing you! saying he is willing to be with you if you abort because he's sh*t scared his wife will find out! when he thinks about you being pregnant he's not imagining baby booties and cooing, to him your pregnancy is proof he cheated on his wife and nothing else!
forget about him, he's a user and borderline paedophile.

you need to work out what is best FOR YOU. then you need to tell everyone what happened, because next time he can go for someone even younger.
he's obviously not above abusing his position of authority and trust and SHOULD NOT be working with children!

I don't know what's best for me. I just know on my own I'd definitely wouldn't get an abortion.

Also I'm 19 I'm a woman I don't think he's a pedophile I actually have precocious puberty which makes me older looking

March 14, 2013

Holy sh*t, you are a walking reality show.

March 14, 2013

biologically, you are a woman.

mentally? emotionally? no.

at 19 most GIRLS know jack sh*t about life.

how old is MM?

March 14, 2013

You will be fine. If your morals didn't get in the way of committing adultery, they won't get in the way here. Again, you aren't ready for a child. You need to rid yourself of this disgusting man completely and having his baby will not make that happen.

I just feel like I feel bad about my child being subject to that to an abortion that I'd do that to him or her when its my baby.

March 14, 2013

If I was sure that he would be at all involved with me afterwards I would do it.

You need to have the abortion ASAP.

You need intensive counseling.

You want attention and you want to be loved. This is a deadly combination that will bring you nothing but pain for the rest of your life. Please get into counseling now.

The school teacher is a POS. A normal woman would vomit at the thought of doing it with a married man who was your school teacher. Please seek therapy.

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