New post, old issue

[spiritofjosh]

Ok so I had posted about my ex girlfriend, blah blah. We dated for around 14 months, broke up about a month and 1 week or so now. She broke up with me because she constantly felt unloved, unappreciated, basically that I just wasn't that into her. She felt like I'd drop her at any second but still stuck around, I basically acted single...never cheated or talked to other girls behind her back, it'll make sense later.

 

I've basically been chasing her this whole breakup. She assured me and still does that there is no other guy and isn't currently looking for one. She still asks me if I found somebody (regardless that I'm constantly bugging her) and gets jealous if I mention being around female friends. She'll say it's shady that I'm with girls she's never met and that I expect her to believe they're not hooking me up with friends, etc, silly things.

 

Now I understand a general rule is to not chase, or persuade the ex girlfriend, to turn and walk away. Obviously it took this for me to realize my actual mistakes so I tried promising if we dated again it would be different. I kept chasing because she broke up with me for NEVER chasing or being there, NC would prove her right. A week or so ago she told me if I really feel this way to finally tell her to her face, because I never have before. We met last Monday (two days ago) but before that she's been texting me, and almost ALWAYS was the one initiating contact, mostly for a reason though. I tried to not text her but she'd often text me once a day for a brief conversation.

 

Anyway, when we met Monday we went for a short walk and she started off with telling me about her new female personal trainer and how she's trying to lose a little weight she gained recently, how great she feels after etc. It was chilly so we sat in my car and talked for almost 2 hours, I let everything out...but was very confident and clear, not pushy and whiney. She let her side out and cried a little.

 

The outcome was we both agreed we came into our relationship both holding some past relationship insecurities. She dated somebody 5/6 years ago who cheated on her and I dated a shady, lying, person for 5 years, 3 years ago. I kept thinking my current ex would be the same, so I never opened up enough, she felt I had similar "ladie's man" qualities so she had trust issues. We agreed since we never talked these things over face to face that's what put us where we are. She said she's confused still and feels we're still on different pages and just doesn't know right now. We had to cut it short because she was already late for her trainer.

 

Basically I felt rejected. I drove home and cried because (forgot to mention) she gave me the birthday presents she hadn't yet from my birthday that passed. On the way home I looked at them and it made me cry because they we're very personal to me specifically and really hit me hard that she thought of getting each of the gifts. No more than 5 minutes after leaving she texts me "so late" for her trainer and I apologized and she said it's not my fault and called me a funny name. I told her I loved the gifts but they made me really upset and her response was "I would have thought you wouldn't still be upset about me and moved on, not that you should have moved on," I'm guessing because she thinks she means nothing to me. Then she said "I hope you feel closer to me after having that talk finally," and I said I felt like I lost everything and she just said "shh." After that she seemed happy, like the way she was texting and everything. She asked what I thought about her getting this certain facial piercing and I said I had it and hated it, she said I'm just saying I wouldn't like it on her and that she's not gonna get it then. I texted her later on saying I wish she were sleeping next to me and she said she was sorry she couldn't be, I asked if she will again one day and she said she can't tell me she will. I went to bed and an hour later she had texted me goodnight, saw I didn't answer (I was sleeping) then texted again "stop jerking off." That was the first time she's said goodnight since we broke up.

 

I didn't respond to that at all and the next morning she texted me asking why I didn't respond and I said I was sleeping, she said "oh" and I said nothing. I haven't heard from her since then and that was yesterday.

 

Ok so that was long and I apologize. But I'm just lost on what she's doing, did that talk give her closure so she can feel better about moving on now? Or does she feel better about me and us and is thinking about getting back together? This whole time she hasn't put herself out there looking for another guy, I've even had friends confirm this when they'd see her at a party or at random. She always keeps to herself which she never used to do before we met. Also, she's never once told me to move on. I've even asked her if she thinks I should and it would be easier on both of us if she would just tell me and she always says no and that she wants us to have that talk (prior to Monday's). So I don't know if she's stringing me along while she secretly sees what else is there, or was so hurt about how I treated her she doesn't know if she should take me back. She's very upfront, honest and trustworthy, always has been, I just took her for granted. So I just can't see her leading me on and not feel guilty. I've had other advice saying she's putting up her defenses, waiting to see if I'm rushing to move on, and thinking about us together all at the same time, testing me almost.

 

I want her back and I'm being patient, but since she hasn't texted me since I told her yesterday morning I was sleeping, I wonder if I should wait or text her...Thanks for reading, this was very long but I wanted to include details. I'll also add that I am actually into her, despite her belief, not feeling this way because I lost her. I even told her that I'm not afraid to be alone. I have a hard time expressing my feelings and with the insecurities I brought along, it is what the final result was.

Edited March 13, 2013 by spiritofjosh

[spiritofjosh]

142 views and no input at all? I know it's a little long but...