AlisaMarie Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 So my not so serious boyfriend and I haven't communicated in a while. He was full of lies and couldn't commit to me fully even after having 2 not so serious breakups. He never could just let me go but this last time boundaries were crossed more than usual. He met some girls last year on vacation. I am typically not the jealous type, and I know that people meet people... not a big deal. They obviously kept contact through social media. Friday night I was doing some creeping (I know, shame shame) and found that he had invited this girl that he met last year on vacation (who lives in a different state) to meet him this year on vacation (a bachelor party). I was devastated when I saw it. The next day he text me and said "I know you're mad at me, but I can explain, it's not as bad as it looked." Sorry, she put it on twitter for the world to see that she was invited to meet him and his friends and she would be attending. I am beyond nauseated. I ignored his text and didn't hear anything from him since... I did however send him a link to a sappy song that struck up a small middle of the night text chat about how he's disappointed me so many times and stuff... blah blah. My grandpap always said, "don't be sorry, be better." I just told him that I wanted him, but I didn't want this. It made sense at the time. I should have known better- he kept me at arm's reach because he wanted to live 2 lives. He wanted me, a serious loving relationship that was going to be there, and he wanted his sluts on the side. God, I was so stupid to let it go on for over a year. I set no boundaries and I let him take full advantage on me. Another lesson learned. Please share your stories with me and pass some advice along! <3
Author AlisaMarie Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 I am having a really hard time with NC.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I'm sorry you're hurting. Just try to remember that contacting him or Facebook stalking him will only make you hurt more..but it probably won't make him feel a thing. You're only hurting yourself... Hugs! 1
Author AlisaMarie Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 I'm sorry you're hurting. Just try to remember that contacting him or Facebook stalking him will only make you hurt more..but it probably won't make him feel a thing. You're only hurting yourself... Hugs! I know! That's what is bothering me most! I know he has so many fallbacks and that there is no way I was special to him after all I was put through. I even believed him when he told me he pictured me in a wedding gown walking down the isle to him. I am so tired of the games in this world. BE REAL!
ThatJustHappened Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Someone will someday. Just chalk this @sshat up to experience. Learn from it. At least you know what you DON'T want now, right?
Author AlisaMarie Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Someone will someday. Just chalk this @sshat up to experience. Learn from it. At least you know what you DON'T want now, right? Absolutely! But I have been having this lesson of what I don't want for a long time with many. It's tiring. I go in open hearted when they put on a facade, but I expect a let down. I really cared for this man too. I have known him for a long time. I wanted a chance with him for years and when I got one, it was great until I realized I wasn't as special to him as he was to me... otherwise, I wouldn't be here. 10 years crushing on someone, having them for a year- and being completely let down. It's a little heart wrenching.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I know how you feel. Dating is exhausting..and that 10 year crush thing..ouch! But at least it satiated your curiosity about him. Now you know what an absolute tool he is and you can move on from your crush and find someone who's not a tool! It's going to be rough for a while, that's for d@mn sure..but you'll come through it in the end. You can always PM me if you need to talk or vent.
Author AlisaMarie Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 I know how you feel. Dating is exhausting..and that 10 year crush thing..ouch! But at least it satiated your curiosity about him. Now you know what an absolute tool he is and you can move on from your crush and find someone who's not a tool! It's going to be rough for a while, that's for d@mn sure..but you'll come through it in the end. You can always PM me if you need to talk or vent. Yeah, it sucks! Right now I won't contact him- but if he contacts me I will turn to jello. I just can't get his face out of my head!!!! What ever happened to being loyal? I swear every girl and guy I know are sluts!
Author AlisaMarie Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 He just text me "I miss you." There you go... instant jello.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 He just text me "I miss you." There you go... instant jello. Ugh. He's totally messing with you. Keep reminding yourself what a douche he is!! Don't cave!!!!
Author AlisaMarie Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Ugh. He's totally messing with you. Keep reminding yourself what a douche he is!! Don't cave!!!! Breadcrumbs. I deserve a full course meal every single effing night!!! NOT HIS BREADCRUMBS. Sorry I am mad now. 2
Damaged23 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Absolutely! But I have been having this lesson of what I don't want for a long time with many. It's tiring. I go in open hearted when they put on a facade, but I expect a let down. I really cared for this man too. I have known him for a long time. I wanted a chance with him for years and when I got one, it was great until I realized I wasn't as special to him as he was to me... otherwise, I wouldn't be here. 10 years crushing on someone, having them for a year- and being completely let down. It's a little heart wrenching. Wow... Isn't disappointing? All the hopes you had, and it ends up like this. It's so unfair. Why do we have to go through this sort of ****. Why can't he be happy with a good woman and forget the sluts that are out there? Why is that so hard?!
Mack05 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) Alisa the only person you should be venting at is yourself...Sorry if this is harsh, but I hope you get what I am trying to tell you. You wrote this thread in July 2011...At this stage you had over two years of being jerked around by another douchbag. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/286552-i-hate-myself Now, this is a new guy it appears. If it is a new guy, how much of a gap was there between 'relationships'? From reading your past threads, not a big gap right? Therefore you are not learning key lessons. When you bounce from one relationship to another, this is what usually happens. It seems to me you have wasted close to 4 years of your life with guys who (for various reasons) have not fully committed to you. You said it yourself "I am sick of being a doormat for these a@@holes". The question is when are you actually going to do something about it? 'Hoping' (to meet a great guy) is just wanting the finish line, without actually having to do the hard part. The race! A very crude quote from bad santa. "Hope in one hand and ***t in the other and see which one fills up faster". You need to take control now Alisa, no more excuses. Great guys don't suddenly appear out of nowhere like in the movies. Great guys are attracted to a certain type of woman. This type of woman do not end up in situations, like you keep ending finding yourself in. "Emotionally healthy people don't dance with emotionally unhealthy people.." (Melody Beattie co-dependent no more) Until you learn to be happy on your own. To resolve your self esteem issues once and for all, these are the types of jerkweeds you will keep ending up with. You are in your 30's now. It's time to step up and become truly emotionally healthy/mature and understand exactly what this statement entails. You need to spend time on your own, to put in this work in (on yourself). Instead of focusing on the flaws of an ex, focus on your mistakes, learn from these mistakes and then forgive yourself. Now is the time to end ALL the negativity and free yourself from your own baggage. Put the blocks in place, so that you recognise these red flags in the future. Once you recognise the red flags you can quickly detach from a potentially damaging situation. More importantly you will also recognise a 'healthy' partner far quicker. I get the impression (please correct me if I am wrong) that you are one of these girls that needs to be on a relationship? You need to start putting plans together and building a better future. Otherwise its just going to be same story different guy -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/304014-cycle-breakups You need to start accepting that you are now the problem and not look elsewhere to apportion the blame. Read the very last sentence of your first post in this thread again and again and again -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/354318-breaking-relationship-pattern I can't tell you what is best for you. You need to figure out what the correct path is and then walk the walk, instead of talking the talk (I know Mack your right blah blah blah).. Edited March 15, 2013 by Mack05 1
Author AlisaMarie Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Alisa the only person you should be venting at is yourself...Sorry if this is harsh, but I hope you get what I am trying to tell you. You wrote this thread in July 2011...At this stage you had over two years of being jerked around by another douchbag. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/286552-i-hate-myself Now, this is a new guy it appears. If it is a new guy, how much of a gap was there between 'relationships'? From reading your past threads, not a big gap right? Therefore you are not learning key lessons. When you bounce from one relationship to another, this is what usually happens. It seems to me you have wasted close to 4 years of your life with guys who (for various reasons) have not fully committed to you. You said it yourself "I am sick of being a doormat for these a@@holes". The question is when are you actually going to do something about it? 'Hoping' (to meet a great guy) is just wanting the finish line, without actually having to do the hard part. The race! A very crude quote from bad santa. "Hope in one hand and ***t in the other and see which one fills up faster". You need to take control now Alisa, no more excuses. Great guys don't suddenly appear out of nowhere like in the movies. Great guys are attracted to a certain type of woman. This type of woman do not end up in situations, like you keep ending finding yourself in. "Emotionally healthy people don't dance with emotionally unhealthy people.." (Melody Beattie co-dependent no more) Until you learn to be happy on your own. To resolve your self esteem issues once and for all, these are the types of jerkweeds you will keep ending up with. You are in your 30's now. It's time to step up and become truly emotionally healthy/mature and understand exactly what this statement entails. You need to spend time on your own, to put in this work in (on yourself). Instead of focusing on the flaws of an ex, focus on your mistakes, learn from these mistakes and then forgive yourself. Now is the time to end ALL the negativity and free yourself from your own baggage. Put the blocks in place, so that you recognise these red flags in the future. Once you recognise the red flags you can quickly detach from a potentially damaging situation. More importantly you will also recognise a 'healthy' partner far quicker. I get the impression (please correct me if I am wrong) that you are one of these girls that needs to be on a relationship? You need to start putting plans together and building a better future. Otherwise its just going to be same story different guy -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/304014-cycle-breakups You need to start accepting that you are now the problem and not look elsewhere to apportion the blame. Read the very last sentence of your first post in this thread again and again and again -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/354318-breaking-relationship-pattern I can't tell you what is best for you. You need to figure out what the correct path is and then walk the walk, instead of talking the talk (I know Mack your right blah blah blah).. Dear Mack- ya got me. Same situation, different guy. A few months lapsed between the two. I have known the recent for many years before we started dating though. I have been going through counseling to get to the root of my own problems. If you knew me you would say "now there's a girl who can take care of her self!" I am very independent- but emotionally, I guess I do feel like it takes a partner to complete me. I know my flaws... but I only try to be the best I can be in a relationship. I accept people for who they are and trust me, it ALWAYS starts off beautifully. Once I am hooked emotionally- I feel as if I don't set up emotional boundaries and I don't know how to say "hey, this isn't for me!" I try to fix and make it work even if it is draining my happiness. Writing it on this blog truly is therapeutic! I don't need anyone, but I do want a relationship- esp being in my 30s. I'd like a companion and help around the house. I would love a second income and someone to call my own. That's not being desperate, it's being human. By nature we all crave this. I will continue to work on myself. Here's the biggest issue- When I see the red flags I try to account for them, see my own, and accept instead of running. They always say they will do right by me if I call something out that I don't agree with. I know you can't change people... Love does some weird things to the mind.
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