Agent M Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 OK. My b/f moved in a year and a half ago because his studio on the lake got flooded. He's a musician and has gigs many but not all weekends. Anyway, he asked to stay with me because of the flood, and does not have money to rent his own place. I let him stay and did not charge any particular amount...he gave me only 400 bucks over 4 or 5 mos. So then I started charging..300 bucks a month although the place costs me over 900. But it is somewhat small, and I knew he didn't have a lot of cash flow. Part of the deal is that I would cook dinners, and he would do the dishes. I let him know that I don't usually cook, but he likes a nice dinner, so I put some time and effort into it. Everything was fine for awhile, then he started bitterly complaining about having to do my dishes from earlier in the day. I have a 5 day a week job...he doesn't...he's home but does not want to help out. I mentioned the fact that I have helped him out by letting him move in and letting him stay very inexpensively. I mentioned that hardly anything is required of him to stay...only the dishes, the sink and toilet which he does twice a month only. He continued to complain bitterly, so I thought, OK, I'll keep the peace, I'll do my own dishes and he can do his. If there is more than a few cups or plates of his, I'll leave them. Today when I got up he had a small bunch of dishes and garbage he left out, so I put them together and aside for him. When I let him know, he blew up and was so pissed that he started packing all his stuff to move out! It was a huge ordeal. He couldn't believe I had put his dished and garbage aside and what a bitch I am. I asked him not to go because I didn't want to leave things on such bad terms, and he has stayed but is not talking to me. What do you think?
Keenly Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Your boyfriend is a lazy bum. End of story. You can either accept him as such or kick him out, but you will not change him. 15
Author Agent M Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I guess I don't understand why he can make a huge deal out of not doing my dishes, but when I don't do his, he's so mad that he wants to move out. Is there something I'm missing?
Got it Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Couple potential reasons: 1. He isn't as invested in the relationship 2. He is throwing a tantrum when you put down boundaries and you blinked first. 3. He is lazy 4. The best defense is a good offense. 5. He is unappreciative. 6. He is looking for an excuse to break up without "being the bad guy". 6
sb129 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Couple potential reasons: 1. He isn't as invested in the relationship 2. He is throwing a tantrum when you put down boundaries and you blinked first. 3. He is lazy 4. The best defense is a good offense. 5. He is unappreciative. 6. He is looking for an excuse to break up without "being the bad guy". 7. All of the above. 6
veggirl Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Your bf is a total loser. I live with my bf and currently don't work. While he is at work, I clean the apt and cook dinner and do all the dishes, I do his laundry if he wants me to as well. You live with a mooch. Let him move out. 8
Els Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I'm curious why you're asking him not to go? He sounds like an extremely immature ingrate. If he's paying less rent and working less, he should be doing more housework. And he throws a tantrum and 'moves out' when asked to do half, out of the accommodation that he was offered out of goodwill? You dodged a bullet, girl. 4
Author Agent M Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks. We discussed everything today and he let me know that if we relocate (which we were planning on), he wants his own place because he won't be doing any housework, he'll be smoking in the house and he wants his studio equipment to be set up everywhere around the house. He said he won't stand living under my "rules" anymore and if I want to move in with him, that's the deal. Huh!
tbf Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Quick; relocate now and get him out! What a lazy, selfish man. 3
Els Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks. We discussed everything today and he let me know that if we relocate (which we were planning on), he wants his own place because he won't be doing any housework, he'll be smoking in the house and he wants his studio equipment to be set up everywhere around the house. He said he won't stand living under my "rules" anymore and if I want to move in with him, that's the deal. Huh! .... So the question is, what are you going to DO about this? 1
BehindBlueEyes Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 My ex BIL was just like this.... Always using his job as an excuse to do jack shiat at home except play Nintendo and eat... Get rid of him....life's to short to play that game... He doesn't love you either....no man that truly loves someone would be like this...they'd trip head over heels for their girl eben if they are tired, bleeding and dying. screw him.....sorry 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks. We discussed everything today and he let me know that if we relocate (which we were planning on), he wants his own place because he won't be doing any housework, he'll be smoking in the house and he wants his studio equipment to be set up everywhere around the house. He said he won't stand living under my "rules" anymore and if I want to move in with him, that's the deal. Huh! Hoh yeah!! Sounds like a real keeper! Just the kind of mature, sensible, level-headed guy I'd really love to plan my future with and consider having children from! Where is he? let me at him! If that isn't a "phukyou, I'm done here!" talk then I don't know what is... D U M P H I M. (Preferably from a 6-storey building.... His own apartment, of course... ) 5
Got it Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks. We discussed everything today and he let me know that if we relocate (which we were planning on), he wants his own place because he won't be doing any housework, he'll be smoking in the house and he wants his studio equipment to be set up everywhere around the house. He said he won't stand living under my "rules" anymore and if I want to move in with him, that's the deal. Huh! Awww, poor pookie, he is taking his toys and going home. Poor widdle baby.
BehindBlueEyes Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks. We discussed everything today and he let me know that if we relocate (which we were planning on), he wants his own place because he won't be doing any housework, he'll be smoking in the house and he wants his studio equipment to be set up everywhere around the house. He said he won't stand living under my "rules" anymore and if I want to move in with him, that's the deal. Huh! An instance where if he got cought cheating on you.....it would be a good thing for you. He'd be like "don't you care? You'd be like....oh baby......Honey Badger don't care!
whichwayisup Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks. We discussed everything today and he let me know that if we relocate (which we were planning on), he wants his own place because he won't be doing any housework, he'll be smoking in the house and he wants his studio equipment to be set up everywhere around the house. He said he won't stand living under my "rules" anymore and if I want to move in with him, that's the deal. Huh! Time to tell him to shove his rules up his ass! The guy is not live in boyfriend material, fact! He's immature, and no concept of compromise and he's a big baby. Boo hoo, I have to do some dishes every day. WTF. Let him live alone, pay rent on his own, cook for himself and clean up after himself too. You need to re-think your relationship. I hope you end it with him. 3
pinkie Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 LLLLLOOOOOZZZZZEEERRRRRRR!!!!! Better you find out now than later.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 So, Agent M, your Mission - should you decide to accept it - is to seek out said individual, orchestrate a relocation to a different establishment, ensuring that he is excluded and consigned to the general waste disposal unit marked "loser" and relegate him to random memory. Good Luck. This message will self destruct in .... Well - your call..... 2
Author Agent M Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Thanks for all the support. He's going to Florida for two weeks to look at a job, and when he gets back, if he doesn't move there, I'll have to tell him we need to live in separate houses. If we still want to visit, fine, but I am starting to get disgusted with myself, putting up with the abuse. Fact is, I just don't like his behavior and I'm not feeling attracted to him. But it still saddens me because things could have been good if he'd give and compromise. For some reason I keep thinking things will improve. They do go through good periods, but then seem to go back again.
tbf Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Thanks for all the support. He's going to Florida for two weeks to look at a job, and when he gets back, if he doesn't move there, I'll have to tell him we need to live in separate houses. If we still want to visit, fine, but I am starting to get disgusted with myself, putting up with the abuse. Fact is, I just don't like his behavior and I'm not feeling attracted to him. But it still saddens me because things could have been good if he'd give and compromise. For some reason I keep thinking things will improve. They do go through good periods, but then seem to go back again.Might I suggest that you not take the passive route this time and wait for him to leave? Asserting yourself means to not fear confrontation for issues that impact on personal boundaries of misbehaviour. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Thanks for all the support. He's going to Florida for two weeks to look at a job, and so I'll tell him he's dumped and that frankly, he's not welcome round here any more. If we still want to visit, then tough schytt, he doesn't have that privilege, because I'm no longer putting up with the abuse. Fact is, I just don't like his behavior and I'm not feeling attracted to him. But it still saddens me because things could have been good if he'd give and compromise.Of course, you're all right: things will NEVER improve. They do go through good periods, but then seem to go back again. But it all stops here and now, because I refuse to put up with it, or entertain it any longer. Fixed that for you, Agent M.... 2
Author Agent M Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks tbf and TaraMaiden. I like the way you changed what I wrote, TaraMaiden! Well, I brought home a steak after work, cooked it up a nice dinner, and did all the dishes. I made him an omelet the next morning I had off, then later I accompanied him with the drums while he practiced his guitar set. So all of a sudden he's in a much better mood and all happy. Otherwise, he thinks I don't like him. The problem is he keeps doing dumb things...losing my keys, breaking something, smoking in the house after I go to bed, etc., and I get irritated. Then I am nice but a little distant, and he gets snappy and irritable. I also stopped having sex very with him very often because he was making a huge deal about how it gets done...in other words, complaints. So I decided to let him be the aggressor. I guess what I see is that unless I am nice to him, cook, clean, play along with his music, listen, support, etc., then I am not up to his standard.
Author Agent M Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Why am I with him....I like the fact that he is very creative in the area of music. I, too, am musical, and we have made music videos and demos together. He is a very exacting person...on every detail of the songs he writes and plays. He is also very smart and knowledgeable. He can talk at length about different subjects. However, I am always busy with chores, and he goes on in a fashion that is not very interesting. For instance, he'll be telling me something about the Medici family or World War II, and I kind of gel over after a few sentences because he doesn't have a naturally interesting way of explaining things. But I do value his intellect, and the fact that he finds it important to know about the world. He knows a lot about politics, too.
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