curlygirl40 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 What makes me lose interest after a few dates is generally that while she's still sexy and cute she's now sexy and cute and crazy, or sexy and cute and clingy, or sexy and cute and bossy, or sexy and cute and has nothing in common with me, or sexy and cute but the sex isn't good, ... In other words, as I get to know someone there's a possibility that I find things that I don't like, but it could be anything! This is the best and probably most accurate answer. The same reason why women do the same after a few dates. He's attractive to me but.....he's boring, he has no sense of humor, he's not affectionate, he talks too much about his ex, he has no time to date, he's not looking for a relationship, etc., etc. It takes time to get to know someone. Sometimes in that beginning handful of dates, you find things out about the other person that you decide you can't deal with. Game over. 1
CryForNoOne Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I've never had much trouble getting dates but keeping men hooked has always been a problem. Here is the typical pattern: 1) Cute guy asks me out. (Yay!) 2) On our first date he moves like a hurricane, almost to the point of creepiness. He showers me with compliments, can't keep his hands off me, talks about the future -- generally just acts boyfriend-y and overly familiar for how long we've been acquainted. I am a bit bothered by his pace but decide to give him a chance if I like other things about him. This coming on strong phase may be confined to just one date or stretched out over a few. 3) I go home and talk to a few friends about my reservations and they're all like, "Ah, he sounds adorable! He just really likes you!" I second guess my instincts and continue to see him if there are other things about him I really like. I start to develop feelings for him. I get a bit nervous. It feels like the moment I start to dig him he cools off. I can't tell if it's because I get more nervous around him or because he's turned off by my availability. 4) He either disappears completely or does a slow fade or serves up some flimsy excuse for why he can't be attached. I'm left standing in the dust feeling like a mini tornado just passed over me. We usually haven't even been intimate by this stage, and often the guys are respectful enough not to push for it either. The only reason I can come up with is that I get jitters when I start to like him and this makes me clam up a bit in his presence. But would a girl being slightly awkwardness/shy really be enough to turn you off if you were so interested in her at the start? Anybody have insight into what is going on here? This has happened to me with about 80% of the guys I've dated. I don't have any major red flags that I'm aware of -- don't drink much, don't smoke, no kids, never married, not crazy. This is not the typical advice I would give to a woman but maybe you should drink a little... I mean you're story seems to be the opposite of what is typical. They are all over you, you play hard to get, then you like them and clam up. That's not typical. It would seem that after a few dates, you'd know if they are a total weirdo or not, so it's safer than say getting tipsy on first date. So why not have a few drinks (not too many) so you can relax and NOT clam up. Maybe your way of being is what is killing it.
JourneyLady Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 And you know what I like? Hooking up with girls who probably aren't fantasizing about lying on a rainbow being showered by twinkle-stars and magic hearts while getting banged by a unicorn as we're having sex. You probably wouldn't like my collection of fairies either... lol! There are some people/women who just like to collect things the way some guys do sports cards or car or star trek merchandise. It's all the same really... 1
Estate Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I've never had much trouble getting dates but keeping men hooked has always been a problem. Here is the typical pattern: 1) Cute guy asks me out. (Yay!) 2) On our first date he moves like a hurricane, almost to the point of creepiness. He showers me with compliments, can't keep his hands off me, talks about the future -- generally just acts boyfriend-y and overly familiar for how long we've been acquainted. I am a bit bothered by his pace but decide to give him a chance if I like other things about him. This coming on strong phase may be confined to just one date or stretched out over a few. 3) I go home and talk to a few friends about my reservations and they're all like, "Ah, he sounds adorable! He just really likes you!" I second guess my instincts and continue to see him if there are other things about him I really like. I start to develop feelings for him. I get a bit nervous. It feels like the moment I start to dig him he cools off. I can't tell if it's because I get more nervous around him or because he's turned off by my availability. 4) He either disappears completely or does a slow fade or serves up some flimsy excuse for why he can't be attached. I'm left standing in the dust feeling like a mini tornado just passed over me. We usually haven't even been intimate by this stage, and often the guys are respectful enough not to push for it either. The only reason I can come up with is that I get jitters when I start to like him and this makes me clam up a bit in his presence. But would a girl being slightly awkwardness/shy really be enough to turn you off if you were so interested in her at the start? Anybody have insight into what is going on here? This has happened to me with about 80% of the guys I've dated. I don't have any major red flags that I'm aware of -- don't drink much, don't smoke, no kids, never married, not crazy. You can't really pinpoint it to one thing. It depends on the person. If it gets to a few dates they are obviously attracted somewhat but then something doesn't click. I dated a girl lately, really pretty, really nice and in another time I'd hold onto her for dear life. But she didn't like going out. She liked the "stay in and make dinner dates". She'd be PERFECT for a guy who liked that. Personally, I love going out somewhere on the weekends and staying in every Saturday would eventually drive me nuts. So it depends on the person. They are looking for you to match their ideal person based on what values they have. If it doesn't work out it just means you weren't compatible.
El Brujo Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Meanness is a sure-fire way for a woman to make me lose interest in her. Why does everyone assume that everybody always has some kind of plan? Because people don't plan to fail, they fail to plan.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You probably wouldn't like my collection of fairies either... lol! There are some people/women who just like to collect things the way some guys do sports cards or car or star trek merchandise. It's all the same really... Haha, sounds like you collect things. I think this girl actually thought she was a unicorn. That's a subtle, but meaningful, distinction.
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 If I try to joke around and she doesn't at least smile, that is a big indicator. Obvious attempts to avoid eye contact is a big indicator. Closed off body language like crossed arms or avoiding all contact even incidental, that's an indicator. Being really quiet or acting bored or looking all around while you try to talk to her. LOL. I really hate that last one by the way. This depends on the girl. Sometimes it's obvious she wants out of there... other times they're nervous like the OP and it can be read as she has no interest.
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 The only reason I can come up with is that I get jitters when I start to like him and this makes me clam up a bit in his presence. But would a girl being slightly awkwardness/shy really be enough to turn you off if you were so interested in her at the start? Anybody have insight into what is going on here? This has happened to me with about 80% of the guys I've dated. No. A man should recognize right away she is nervous, slightly intimidated and if he likes her, he will do his best to make her feel comfortable. If the guy is pressuring you for sex, he doesn't respect you or want you as a girlfriend. I think the problem may be that when you get tense and clam up, these men see it as you're not interested and bail. If the guy really likes you he will be persistent and try to make you comfortable so you can open up. 1
starla33 Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Honestly I have the same exact issue as you do, but most of the guys I have had this issue with I met online. Guys I have met in person first have never done this. To me it's just guys online having bigger better deal disorder LOL
JourneyLady Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Haha, sounds like you collect things. I think this girl actually thought she was a unicorn. That's a subtle, but meaningful, distinction. I doubt it. Why would a unicorn want to date you?
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 I doubt it. Why would a unicorn want to date you? I have animal magnetism? 2
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 2) On our first date he moves like a hurricane, almost to the point of creepiness. He showers me with compliments, can't keep his hands off me, talks about the future -- generally just acts boyfriend-y and overly familiar for how long we've been acquainted. I am a bit bothered by his pace but decide to give him a chance if I like other things about him. This coming on strong phase may be confined to just one date or stretched out over a few. Coming on strong is just how you have to do it today. Don't read too much into it. If you don't at least attempt to rape your date once she is going to think your are either gay or not into her. The guy I'm seeing now keeps trying to invite himself back to my place. Maybe he's worried I'm hiding a unicorn shrine. ... Ehh, sounds like this guy just wants some sex. Those guys give up and bounce after a short time. I think that may be your problem... you are just dating guys that are not interested in more than sex.
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