tuxedo cat Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I've never had much trouble getting dates but keeping men hooked has always been a problem. Here is the typical pattern: 1) Cute guy asks me out. (Yay!) 2) On our first date he moves like a hurricane, almost to the point of creepiness. He showers me with compliments, can't keep his hands off me, talks about the future -- generally just acts boyfriend-y and overly familiar for how long we've been acquainted. I am a bit bothered by his pace but decide to give him a chance if I like other things about him. This coming on strong phase may be confined to just one date or stretched out over a few. 3) I go home and talk to a few friends about my reservations and they're all like, "Ah, he sounds adorable! He just really likes you!" I second guess my instincts and continue to see him if there are other things about him I really like. I start to develop feelings for him. I get a bit nervous. It feels like the moment I start to dig him he cools off. I can't tell if it's because I get more nervous around him or because he's turned off by my availability. 4) He either disappears completely or does a slow fade or serves up some flimsy excuse for why he can't be attached. I'm left standing in the dust feeling like a mini tornado just passed over me. We usually haven't even been intimate by this stage, and often the guys are respectful enough not to push for it either. The only reason I can come up with is that I get jitters when I start to like him and this makes me clam up a bit in his presence. But would a girl being slightly awkwardness/shy really be enough to turn you off if you were so interested in her at the start? Anybody have insight into what is going on here? This has happened to me with about 80% of the guys I've dated. I don't have any major red flags that I'm aware of -- don't drink much, don't smoke, no kids, never married, not crazy.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Sometimes, by about the 3rd time you hang out with a girl, a little bit of bats**t slips out. Then its time to go. 2
Casablanca Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 2) On our first date he moves like a hurricane, almost to the point of creepiness. He showers me with compliments, can't keep his hands off me, talks about the future -- generally just acts boyfriend-y and overly familiar for how long we've been acquainted. I am a bit bothered by his pace but decide to give him a chance if I like other things about him. This coming on strong phase may be confined to just one date or stretched out over a few. But would a girl being slightly awkwardness/shy really be enough to turn you off if you were so interested in her at the start? Anybody have insight into what is going on here? This has happened to me with about 80% of the guys I've dated. I don't have any major red flags that I'm aware of -- don't drink much, don't smoke, no kids, never married, not crazy. If guys are moving at that pace after 1 or not even after 1, but during date #1, they probably aren't that great of material. I am fine with some physical contact, but if a woman is talking about her/our future kids on date #1, I'm running for the hills Everyone is different and everyone is looking for something different Someone who is a little shy wouldn't turn me off, but it might turn off some. 2
Keenly Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Do you want my list in general or do you want advice as to your unique situation.
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Sometimes, by about the 3rd time you hang out with a girl, a little bit of bats**t slips out. Then its time to go. Haha. Can you offer some examples of typical bats**t? I'm not crazy (I don't think?? ) but maybe I'm saying or doing something that is inadvertently turning guys off.
Bengal Tiger Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Maybe he gets the feeling that you're not that into him? That would make me lose interest. Or as you get to know each other, he doesn't feel like you're a good match. How's the chemistry and connection? Maybe that's not happening? This seems like an odd sequence of events to happen repeatedly. What do you talk about? Do you have stuff in common with these guys or is it mainly physical attraction? I would leave someone who has different interests, values, incompatible personality, etc. 1
blue_jay_bird Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Options Just sounds like your dating the wrong men. Maybe look at the guys your picking. Send him off to the Island of Lost men.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Haha. Can you offer some examples of typical bats**t? I'm not crazy (I don't think?? ) but maybe I'm saying or doing something that is inadvertently turning guys off. I'll never forget this girl I used to hang out with a little in college...she was a friend of a friend. Hung out at my place a handful of times. Ohhhhh....so hot, so sexy, awesome personality, awesome sex, cool to hang out with. Then one night we went to her place. We walked in, she turned on the lights. All I could see, covering virtually every square millimeter of surface area in her apartment, was some sort of unicorn picture, unicorn statuettes, unicorn calendars, unicorn cushions, unicorn f**kin' placemats on the table...everywhere, unicorns. I was like 'What....the....f**k?!?' Uh-uh...no' And I was almost willing to overlook the unicorns until I walked into her kitchen and saw friggin Post-It notes with little stupid motivational phrases like 'You are going to be terrific today!!!' plastered all over the refrigerator and cupboards. She came out of the bathroom, and I was like, 'Ehhhhh....I gotta go.' 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I'll never forget this girl I used to hang out with a little in college...she was a friend of a friend. Hung out at my place a handful of times. Ohhhhh....so hot, so sexy, awesome personality, awesome sex, cool to hang out with. Then one night we went to her place. We walked in, she turned on the lights. All I could see, covering virtually every square millimeter of surface area in her apartment, was some sort of unicorn picture, unicorn statuettes, unicorn calendars, unicorn cushions, unicorn f**kin' placemats on the table...everywhere, unicorns. I was like 'What....the....f**k?!?' Uh-uh...no' And I was almost willing to overlook the unicorns until I walked into her kitchen and saw friggin Post-It notes with little stupid motivational phrases like 'You are going to be terrific today!!!' plastered all over the refrigerator and cupboards. She came out of the bathroom, and I was like, 'Ehhhhh....I gotta go.' That's more than a "little" bats**** crazy slipping out.
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 The guy I'm seeing now keeps trying to invite himself back to my place. Maybe he's worried I'm hiding a unicorn shrine.
StanMusial Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 The guy I'm seeing now keeps trying to invite himself back to my place. Maybe he's worried I'm hiding a unicorn shrine. Sounds like he is trying to tap that. From reading your first post, it sounds like he is trying to put some lovin' on you and you are not reciprocating. Maybe even coming off as cold. If you like him why would you do that? Mixed signals are the worst.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 That's more than a "little" bats**** crazy slipping out. And ever since that event, I am very sensitive to the subtle hints that might portend the possibility of walking into another freak boutique like that.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I'll never forget this girl I used to hang out with a little in college...she was a friend of a friend. Hung out at my place a handful of times. Ohhhhh....so hot, so sexy, awesome personality, awesome sex, cool to hang out with. Then one night we went to her place. We walked in, she turned on the lights. All I could see, covering virtually every square millimeter of surface area in her apartment, was some sort of unicorn picture, unicorn statuettes, unicorn calendars, unicorn cushions, unicorn f**kin' placemats on the table...everywhere, unicorns. I was like 'What....the....f**k?!?' Uh-uh...no' And I was almost willing to overlook the unicorns until I walked into her kitchen and saw friggin Post-It notes with little stupid motivational phrases like 'You are going to be terrific today!!!' plastered all over the refrigerator and cupboards. She came out of the bathroom, and I was like, 'Ehhhhh....I gotta go.' Bro, she just likes unicorns. Don't hate.
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 (edited) Sounds like he is trying to tap that. From reading your first post, it sounds like he is trying to put some lovin' on you and you are not reciprocating. Maybe even coming off as cold. If you like him why would you do that? Mixed signals are the worst. I don't know. I didn't let him come back to my place because both nights he asked to it was a bit messy as I wasn't expecting any visitors. I suggested we go to his instead and he gave the same excuse as mine. What are some subtle signs that you perceive as a girl not being interested in you when you're first dating her? I always assume my interest is pretty clear but maybe it's not coming across? Edited March 13, 2013 by tuxedo cat
StanMusial Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I don't know. I didn't let him come back to my place because both nights he asked to it was a bit messy as I wasn't expecting any visitors. I suggested we go to his instead and he gave the same excuse as mine. I am confused by why he tried to invite himself to my place but didn't want me to come to his. I feel like if he had only been after sex he wouldn't have done that. Not that it really matters; I can wait. What are some subtle signs that you perceive as a girl not being interested in you when you're first dating her? I always assume my interest is pretty clear but maybe it's not coming across? If I try to joke around and she doesn't at least smile, that is a big indicator. Obvious attempts to avoid eye contact is a big indicator. Closed off body language like crossed arms or avoiding all contact even incidental, that's an indicator. Being really quiet or acting bored or looking all around while you try to talk to her. LOL. I really hate that last one by the way. That is actually pretty rare in my experience... I once cut a date short because a girl was doing that. Very annoying. Honestly my take on the situation is, he is getting the vibe that you aren't that interested and he is going to try to hit that before you disappear.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I don't know. I didn't let him come back to my place because both nights he asked to it was a bit messy as I wasn't expecting any visitors. I suggested we go to his instead and he gave the same excuse as mine. What are some subtle signs that you perceive as a girl not being interested in you when you're first dating her? I always assume my interest is pretty clear but maybe it's not coming across? Maybe he doesn't have a plan and he's just doing whatever he feels like doing. Why does everyone assume that everybody always has some kind of plan? lol
sydneysider1978 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I have a theory about this... I'm fairly attractive and good on paper. I've never been short on dating options from online and guys I'd meet when out. I was looking for long term. The guys who would approach and I'd say yes to are attractive, successful, confident and have game. These guys would usually fizzle out after coming on strong. But because I was being approac by others, I'd just hope that the next one would work out better. But these guys, if they have game, they have heaps of options. Sure there are some who want a relationship but they will get it and take themselves out of the dating pool. The rest... Keep on playing I've had much more success (long term) with friends of friends and people with sports clubs I've known. Just think about a bar full of guys, the one who is game enough to approach, is the guy who does it all the time. Look around and there will be loads of lovely guys chatting to their friends and maybe just don't approach girls in bars, you don't meet them while the game guy gets all your attention. Look out for the slightly dorky or shy guys, who are also cute and smart. They are the gems. Someone being too smooth is probably as bad thing. 4
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Bro, she just likes unicorns. Don't hate. And you know what I like? Hooking up with girls who probably aren't fantasizing about lying on a rainbow being showered by twinkle-stars and magic hearts while getting banged by a unicorn as we're having sex. 2
sillyanswer Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 What makes me lose interest after a few dates is generally that while she's still sexy and cute she's now sexy and cute and crazy, or sexy and cute and clingy, or sexy and cute and bossy, or sexy and cute and has nothing in common with me, or sexy and cute but the sex isn't good, ... In other words, as I get to know someone there's a possibility that I find things that I don't like, but it could be anything! 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 And you know what I like? Hooking up with girls who probably aren't fantasizing about lying on a rainbow being showered by twinkle-stars and magic hearts while getting banged by a unicorn as we're having sex. That's one of my favorite role plays. Send her my way! 2
Archgirl Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 The guy I'm seeing now keeps trying to invite himself back to my place. Maybe he's worried I'm hiding a unicorn shrine. No, he just wants to put his horn in it. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I have a theory about this... I'm fairly attractive and good on paper. I've never been short on dating options from online and guys I'd meet when out. I was looking for long term. The guys who would approach and I'd say yes to are attractive, successful, confident and have game. These guys would usually fizzle out after coming on strong. But because I was being approac by others, I'd just hope that the next one would work out better. But these guys, if they have game, they have heaps of options. Sure there are some who want a relationship but they will get it and take themselves out of the dating pool. The rest... Keep on playing I've had much more success (long term) with friends of friends and people with sports clubs I've known. Just think about a bar full of guys, the one who is game enough to approach, is the guy who does it all the time. Look around and there will be loads of lovely guys chatting to their friends and maybe just don't approach girls in bars, you don't meet them while the game guy gets all your attention. Look out for the slightly dorky or shy guys, who are also cute and smart. They are the gems. Someone being too smooth is probably as bad thing. I see you're 35. Has your strategy worked out for you?
hudson701 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I have a theory about this... I'm fairly attractive and good on paper. I've never been short on dating options from online and guys I'd meet when out. I was looking for long term. The guys who would approach and I'd say yes to are attractive, successful, confident and have game. These guys would usually fizzle out after coming on strong. But because I was being approac by others, I'd just hope that the next one would work out better. But these guys, if they have game, they have heaps of options. Sure there are some who want a relationship but they will get it and take themselves out of the dating pool. The rest... Keep on playing This, 100%. I am playing this game right now, however, as soon as i meet that special girl who is so attractive and ideal for me in everyway - bam! That's it, hook, line and sinker. I will be so in the zone that no other woman will appear on my radar, no matter how beautiful or super-leagued they are. It becomes total and utter tunnel vision for this one person. Until I meet that girl, I will continue to date as its a lot of fun and the girl always gets treated well regardless of outcome. 1
PogoStick Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Then one night we went to her place. We walked in, she turned on the lights. All I could see, covering virtually every square millimeter of surface area in her apartment, was some sort of unicorn picture, unicorn statuettes, unicorn calendars, unicorn cushions, unicorn f**kin' placemats on the table...everywhere, You lost out on some great 3-somes! Sure it's weird but those are also the funnest girls. Sad that you were freaked by her post-it affirmations. That's actually a very sane thing to do. 1
PogoStick Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 What are some subtle signs that you perceive as a girl not being interested in you when you're first dating her? I always assume my interest is pretty clear but maybe it's not coming across? I'm unsure with the girl I'm currently dating because she doesn't show strong signals. When we're together we have a good time and the conversation flows easily, but she's not flirty or suggestive at all. We get together once a week and I finally decided to kiss her after about 6 weeks. I was really tempted much earlier but I'm wanting more effort on her part. She actually apologized for being passive and we never communicate during the week. I'm so used to women always texting or calling so this really throws me off, but we're still planning more dates so she's clearly interested. I'm left with conflicting feelings of powering through and getting more intimate, or simply moving on. As a man, I want to feel desire and passion too. Can you relate with any of this?
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