1000wattwarlock Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I am a mother of two who has just recently split up with the father. We don't love each other any more and we are not a happy family, so being apart is the best option for us. But I cant bear the thought of him having the kids without me. I cant let them go Ive brought them up without him, we've never lived together, and they are my life. How can I deal with this feeling...??
jf2good Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I don't understand this post at all. Is he seeking joint custody? That isn't giving up the kids.
M30USA Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I don't understand this post at all. Is he seeking joint custody? That isn't giving up the kids. Agreed. To some women "giving up the kids" means not having complete control over them 100% of the time. And in all honesty, if he is a good father, then you are harming your children by NOT encouraging them to have time with him.
2sure Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I am a mother of two who has just recently split up with the father. We don't love each other any more and we are not a happy family, so being apart is the best option for us. But I cant bear the thought of him having the kids without me. I cant let them go Ive brought them up without him, we've never lived together, and they are my life. How can I deal with this feeling...?? If you have bright them up alone and they have never lived with him... I wouldn't think he would get much visitation let alone custody. Where has he been up til now?
imtooconfused Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 1000wattwarlock, it's impossible to know very much about your situation, what happened before, what's happening now, but I read some things between the lines. It sounds like perhaps, despite the fact that you have made a good decision about separating from the father, that you still may be dealing with the loneliness surrounding the separation. As a result, it's possible that you are using your children as a crutch to get through that. That is not a problem in and of itself since caring for one's children is a strong emotional balance point in anyone's life. It is only when the father has them for his bonding time that you lack a focus point to divert your feelings away from your own problems. I guess what I am suspecting is that your concern is not that the kids are without their mother, but that you are without them. If this is the case, know that their time with their father is limited and they will certainly return lovingly to you at the end of their visit. Until then enjoy the fact that you have your own time to do things that mom needs to do for herself which perhaps you cannot do when the kids are around. 1
Trimmer Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I am a mother of two who has just recently split up with the father. We don't love each other any more and we are not a happy family, so being apart is the best option for us. But I cant bear the thought of him having the kids without me. I cant let them go Ive brought them up without him, we've never lived together, and they are my life. How can I deal with this feeling...?? Can you explain your situation in a little more detail? You've been married and you have two kids, but you have never lived together? Being apart is the best option? It sounds like being apart is already the status quo... And how old are the kids? How long were you married? etc...
Author 1000wattwarlock Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) Sorry for vagueness, Ive never written on one of these before.... We have been together for 7 years, never lived together as we couldnt afford it. It was yes, kinda like we werent together already. Not married. So my ex would have like the single life and the family life when he wanted. Ive kinda been holding out for him I suppose, to have a proper family, but its never come about. Thats all I wanted, but I realise it wont happen. I still want him to be in the girls life, its their right and his, its just the thought of him having them without me and the further thought of introducing a new 'mother figure' into their life. Edited March 20, 2013 by 1000wattwarlock
M30USA Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Sorry for vagueness, Ive never written on one of these before.... We have been together for 7 years, never lived together as we couldnt afford it. It was yes, kinda like we werent together already. Not married. So my ex would have like the single life and the family life when he wanted. Ive kinda been holding out for him I suppose, to have a proper family, but its never come about. Thats all I wanted, but I realise it wont happen. I still want him to be in the girls life, its their right and his, its just the thought of him having them without me and the further thought of introducing a new 'mother figure' into their life. It sounds like you will have primary custody, in which case the other "mother figure" will spend less time with your children than any new "father figure" you may introduce. This is an advantage that mothers usually have over fathers. At least you won't be outweighed in the time/custody department by any new wife of his. I only wish this were true with me.
Author 1000wattwarlock Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 the other "mother figure" will spend less time with your children I cant handle the thought of that at all. I know it is going to happen, but I dread the thought and the feeling it gives me it too much to handle
M30USA Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I cant handle the thought of that at all. I know it is going to happen, but I dread the thought and the feeling it gives me it too much to handle No, you missed my point. You will ALWAYS spend more time with your kids than ANY future step-mom. As a man, however, I don't have that luxury. If my ex remarries, the step-dad will spend more time with my children than me.
Techie Artist Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I cant handle the thought of that at all. I know it is going to happen, but I dread the thought and the feeling it gives me it too much to handle I hate to sound so traditional, but this is a risk of having children (in or out of wedlock). You chose to have children but you couldn't afford to live together? Children are more expensive than cohabitating. I don't get it. Are you across the country? Anyway, a merchant shouldn't give up the cookies if the customer ain't payin', and the farmer shouldn't allow the dude to freely milk the cows on the ranch. Know what I'm sayin'? It's too late, but quit popping out babies in a KNOWN unstable situation. Sheesh. 1
Recommended Posts