breaking Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 i've been dating my gf for 6 months now. the first 4 months were amazing. not only because of the sex, but beause we both equally initiated eveything. she used to be flirty. she used to desire me and couldnt wait to get her hands on me. she got a new apartment around our fourth month of dating and the stress pretty much put the honeymoon stage on hold. and thats ok. i dont need that to be happy. i actually prefer when i relationship hits a comfortable point where we know and accept everything about each other. the stress has gone away for the most part, but i feel like i lost a piece of her. maybe she just got comfortable with the way things were going when the stress ran our lives, but it sucks. my problem is that i'm the only one who initites anything anymore. sex. cuddling. kissing. and she accepts it no problem, i'm just kind of sick of doing all the work. i want her to initiate sometimes. i want her to desire me the same way she used to. i mean, i still desire her the same as i did when we first met. i know she loves me and wants to be with me, but her lack of effort in giving me affection or initiating anything sexual kind of makes me feel undesireable. like i'm not worth the effort anymore. i feel worthless. i do everything for her. i work. i cook. i help her clean. i help with the dogs. and our relationship is absolutely perfect when it comes to communiation and solving conflict. we get along great and we def get each other on a level i've never experienced with anyone else. i know shes in love with me. i know im in love with her. i just wish she was better at making me feel... wanted by her. i miss the way she would try just as hard as i still do.
veggirl Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Have you told her that? Is she appreciative of the things you do for her, the cooking etc? Thankfully with my bf and I we both try equally, we like impressing each other and doing things for each other. I don't know how it ended up this way, its just how its always been. If he stopped putting in the effort, I would ask him what has changed, if its temp due to stress then thats understandable but a permanent change in effort will lead to resentment and a crappy relationship.
Author breaking Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 she def does appreciate it. she tells me all the time. i have talked to her about this issue but we never get anywhere cuz i get tired of explaining it over and over. literally the only problem is that i initiate EVRYTHING intimate [not just sexual]. she used to initiate even more than i did. but she says that now she has to be more cautious because she has more to lose and shes shy about being flirty with me. when we first started out, it wouldnt have been such a painful thing if i left her. but in my opinion, i liked her then, why woudlnt i like it if she acted that way now? her outgoing-ness with me is what i loved most. so i think by her being more cautious about how she acts with me will ultimately lead us apart rather than closer together. i just dont know what to do. i dont wnt to lose her because i do love her. shes so amazing. i just wish she would try harder when it comes to intimacy. it almost seems like shes just not into me like she used to be. it hurts. it sucks. i sound super emo. oh well.
veggirl Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 You don't sound emo. It feels like rejection when the other person doesn't try at all. Why does she think she has more to lose than you do? Did you tell her she is pushing you away by acting like this? Hopefully someone else will chime in, I have no idea what I'd do if I had that problem and talked about it and nothing changed. I know I would feel rejected, I'm not sure how long I could handle that without just walking. What would happen if you stopped initiating? Have you tried it? Makes me wonder if she was just flirty/demonstrative to "get" you and now she knows she has you so she is reverting to her true self.
TheGuard13 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Been there recently, though four months is a pretty short time for someone to lose attraction to you in. The solution was a lot more straightforward than it seems. 1. Tell her how you are feeling, and how important these things are to you. 2. Ask her why things have changed, and if there's anything she needs from you that she hasn't been getting 3. Discuss what you need and what you'd like ideally. See if you can work the issues out together 4. If you can't, decide if you want to feel rejected and miserable, and if you don't, dump her.
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