jerryinva Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 I found out today she took her daughter with her to spend time with yesterday, and her daughter likes the guy. She has told me if I bring up the subject of her and I again, she will never speak to me again. She said if and when she decides to become romantically involved, it is not my business. And, she told me to move on... I am crying, my heart is broken, but I am going to begin the process of pulling away. Goodbye, old friend.
Author jerryinva Posted September 8, 2004 Author Posted September 8, 2004 She called once later...and kept asking me what was wrong...why aren't you talking to me... :-(
lost_in_chgo Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 jerry, it's working. keep it up. don't cave. caving is a reset button.
Author jerryinva Posted September 8, 2004 Author Posted September 8, 2004 She called later last night...told me the ex-fiance came by and brought her a little trademark of his (he likes to draw), that he made out of wood... which of course tugged at her heart strings...and, the guy that she went out with for one weekend, that she fell so hard for, will be in town on Thursday, on business...and wants to see her (he told her that he wanted them to be friends, a while back.) And then, to top it all off, she had to ask me why the thought of her going with another guy bothered me so much. I goofed there, because instead of acting indifferent...I told her the truth. So, bottom line, she called me depressed last night...and there was no way I could help her...and I told her that.
tiki Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 Sorry jerry, I don't know your whole story by any means. But why discuss lovers with an ex? Isn't that just keeping a fresh wound salted? I thought 'ex' meant over, past, done with. She's hurting you by telling you these things and it's nonsense! This shouldn't be happening, it's no one's business who's dating whom if the two of you are over. I apologize in advance if I'm way off base here, just thought I'd chime in with what I gathered from this post.
Author jerryinva Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 No..you aren't off base Tiki... IN fact, I got walloped tonight by it. I dropped by her house to pick up some mail that had been delivered there by accident, and while there She said, "oh I've got something I want to show you..." But then commented that it probably wasn't a good idea... So of course, I take the bait...(dumba## man) and it is the brochure for where he and her are going at the end of the month... A nice "romantic" (mentioned 8 times on the front page), getaway, with a nice king sized canopy bed...and a 2 person jacuzzi. Well, of course, as she knew...I started...and kept going, and going... to the point she told me she doesn't think the friendship is going to make it... All the while this is going on, the towing company for her housing complex comes and tows my car...because I was parked in decal controlled spot after the magic hour...so $100 later....and sad as hell...that is my story.
Author jerryinva Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 OH yeah....when I first got there, her daughter was commenting how much she liked this guy, and her mom (My ex) mentioned that he is going to help her with a history project. And, she also told me tonight that he predicted they would be married within a year... I hate men..and I am one...
lost_in_chgo Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 It is really getting unbelievable how much crap you are taking from her. She's either deliberately torturing you or the most completely self-centered person I've ever heard of. Like I told you 3 weeks ago stop trying to be her girlfriend (and her bitch) You are just making everything worse. Put your foot down and at the very least she'll respect you.
Author jerryinva Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 I don't know...she called me, and we had more fun over the phone...which started by her asking me a question that she knew would make me uncomfortable...and I answered fine..but then when I saw what the question was leading towards, I got upset all over again... It isn't a weekend, it is 3 days at the end of the month, a Tuesday, Wed, and Thurs. Her ex-sister in-law is coming up to watch her daughter... (Really cool support huh?) She said she didn't care what his intentions were on that weekend getaway, and that I should assume that anything can happen while they are gone...she is putting up no barriers. We then had to get into an us thing again... To which she told me...it doesn't matter what happens with the 54 year old... she intends to let it go full course... and she wants the chance to explore it, without my daily assault on her, him or them. She said she really loves him, and he really loves her... (they have been together for a month.) She said they share a lot of common interests, he is kind to her, and he looks at her like she is the best thing in the world...(to which I commented so far, you haven't mentioned anything that I haven't said, or done.) She ended up saying, it is different with him, I feel something when he tells me how beautiful I am, it doesn't have the same feeling when you say it. I asked her if she had told her ex-fiance yet, and she said no...because it would hurt him!!!!!!! She said if it got more serious, she would tell him...but she is sure he will walk away from her... I said, I doubt that,,,he has already told you you will be back... She said, he has had 2 months to deal with our breakup, you have had 2 years...and I don't care about the mixed messages. Get this message, I love this guy, and I want to date him, and see what happens, and you constantly harassing me about it...isn't making me feel bad towards him...it is making me feel more and more badly of you. I cried hard last night... my heart is broken... She was supposed to call me this morning...she has't...and overall...I really don't care. There is a twinge there...but I am like...thinking oh well... Go talk to your new lover...the perfect man...
Still Sad Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 You know, it is now at the point where you are just setting yourself up for heartache. You now have no one but yourself to blame for most of the pain you are feeling. You must like it because you just keep going back for more. Get a hold of yourself and never have contact with her again. I think she enjoys seeing you hurt.
tiki Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Dude, she's stringing you along BIG TIME. Cut her off.
Author jerryinva Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 I don't know guys. My family keeps telling me they think she feels more for me than just friendship, but I keep screwing it up, because of the fighting...who would want to be with a man who makes you feel bad? I think they are right...but I don't know how I can be her friend and see her with others... The wanting me at her wedding thing still floors me.. My dad says to nurture and take care of our friendship... But why on earth would she have shown me that thing on where she is going, knowing how it was going to make me feel? Do relief herself of some guilt? I don't know.. And who cares, right?
JumpRun Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 You don't need this........trust me when I tell you that it will be much worse later.
Author jerryinva Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 Besides wanting to jump off a bridge...how much worse can it get? Why doesn't one of you lovely ladies live closer to me?
Kizzyfur Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 I would suggest cutting all ties with this woman, as many other posters have. You're causing your own hurt and people are going to quit sympathising with you. I hate when people complain about things they're not willing to do a damn thing about. If you're not willing to do something about your problems, don't complain to everyone else about it. CUT ALL CONTACT. You have no reason to still be involved with this woman. Get a life. If you must, tell her how you feel about her, but then MOVE ON. If she really has feelings for you, she'll realize it and might come back. Don't sit around hoping for that to happen though. Get out, date other people, enjoy your life while you still can. Sorry to be so harsh. But good God man... it's pathetic you're putting yourself through this to be friends with a woman who obviously couldn't care less about your feelings.
Author jerryinva Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 She IM'd me about an hour ago....it was a simple, civil conversation...
Author jerryinva Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 Problem is...it is very hard when she calls me...and reveals her insecurities about the relationship...how she doesn't think she will be able to keep him...and some of the things they have talked about. I want to be her friend...and make things better between us... but it is hard.
Tracy Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Why be her friend right now? She doesn't deserve it, and it is only stringing you along. Listen to Kizzyfur....for the sake of your sanity, cut ALL ties. At least until you can regain your composure. Just let her know it hurts too much to be her friend right now....maybe one of these days or years....but not now. BTW---when you react to her every whim it only makes her lose more respect for you, so you're only defeating YOURSELF.
Author jerryinva Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 What do you mean exactly by reacting to her every whim? Did she show me that stuff just to get my reaction?
Tracy Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 I mean you're there for her WHENEVER she wants you to be. She calls, you answer. She IMs, you answer. She wants to tell you about her BFs and YOU LISTEN. She is using you as a doormat. I have no idea why she would show you that stuff. There is no good reason. That's just plain cruel. You sound desparate through your emails...I'm guessing she thinks the same. That is a BIG turnoff. No woman wants a man to let her run over him. You think you're salvaging a chance with her by saying yes, yes, yes to everything she does. But, you only turn her off even more. She comes back to you because you let her, and she uses you to boost her own ego somehow.
lost_in_chgo Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 Yeah and get a clue here, if you don't stop being her lapdog, when she does lose the other guy, she's going to find another one and do this to you all over again.
Author jerryinva Posted September 10, 2004 Author Posted September 10, 2004 Trust me, I am not happy with her at the moment. She asked me to call her when I got out of grad school class...and I did...she was in the middle of something with her daughter, so she asked if she could call back. I said sure. She calls me back in about 20 minutes, but we hardly say anything to each other. Then, just after 10 p.m. when Mr. AARP got home, her house phone rang. She said I need to go answer this.... that was 10 p.m., it is now 1:10 a.m. 3 hours, 10 minutes. I think that was rude, and it made me feel like interacting on the phone with me is only satisfying until he calls. It's not like they are not going to see each other tomorrow at work, and go to lunch together....they are acting like two lovesick puppy-love teenagers... Just because they share common interests..and he makes her "happy" whatever that means, doesn't mean in the end, it will last. But I did not comment at all today about her relationship with him... Ironically, I have been trying to strike up a friendship with a saleswoman from a local car dealership...and she is 38 years old...she has on her online profile...that she is interested in men 35-55. WHAT IS WITH WOMEN WANTING TO BE WITH GUYS IN THEIR 50's??? Interestingly..she had to get off line to call her son..around 11, but now she is back on line...and my ex has still not called me back... so...I think I am going to be too busy tomorrow to talk..at least I hope I have the willpower...she needs to stop taking me for granted!
Author jerryinva Posted September 10, 2004 Author Posted September 10, 2004 Of course....now the woman from the car dealership just got offline, and didn't say a word... damn....I just plain suck...
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