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I used to be a good guy

sharkbite

By sharkbite
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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sharkbite Member

sharkbite

Posted
Posted

Unfortunately, Its been a while since i've posted on here.

but over the past few months I've been really trying to move on and do what I can to get over this girl.

 

put it like this....I've become an a**hole, I used to be the guy that always had hope and was positive about things and people.

 

After my break up with a girl who couldn't give me a reason and told me how amazing I am as we parted ways, and my friend going through a divorce i just don't have the respect for girls/women anymore.....I treated her well and constantly made her laugh, he treated her well and supported her in everyway possible, but in the end they kick you to the curb and I guess its simple enough to say feelings change or these things happen and you have to believe something better is on its way, but with remembering how they went about breaking up with us (mine not doing anything till i decided to bring it up, and his through a text) whats the point?.

 

So i go on dates and not care what the outcome is, I'm still nice but am completely brutally honest at times....i ended up hooking up with another girl i was seeing's friend. All around its pathetic to say but i had my heart stomped on and to watch every other girl still go about their lives like feelings don't matter (the girl i was seeing was married for 10 years and told me after she broke up with him that she didn't miss him at all) i was like wtf is that?....made me think very poorly of her. anyway, I guess this was just something i needed to get off my chest and I'd really like to work on it but I feel like I was the ass end of a joke so now I'll show people how much it can suck when it happens to them....though i know i'm taking it out on the wrong people, and still wish her the best...........

pathetic

BUBS Established Member

BUBS

Posted
Posted

I get where you are coming from. My break up has made me very cynical of people as well. In my circumstance I was dealing with men... and you'll see on this board that it isn't women who can't be trusted... I guess it is everyone. It is based on emotional maturity... some people are, some aren't and it's hectic to try and figure out if you are really sleeping with the enemy at the end of the day. Someone who can't handle communication, or is selfish, or just a straight up a**hole.

 

I'll give you the same advice I hope to one day apply to my own life. If you allow this to change you, to turn you into something worse off than what you were before, than she is winning. The best revenge is living well.

 

More importantly if you don't grow and mature from your unfortunate circumstances than they will remain unfortunate... however if you rise from those ashes a better person than when you went in, you will see the break up as a beneficial thing to your life. I don't know when the time comes where you want to look at something you really didn't want to happen to you as a good thing, but eventually I'd imagine we will all grow so exhausted with being bitter,resentful and in pain that we will look at the alternative... the alternative being to change the circumstances so that we are grateful they walked away, grateful for the horrible situation that brought about drastic changes in our lives...

 

but you have to take responsibility for yourself at some point if you want to get over her and realize that while no one is perfect, there are plenty of people on these boards and everywhere in this world who know how to communicate, who will try to stick around for the right person even if times are tough. Instead of looking for the right person, you should focus on becoming the right person...

 

By being an a**hole constantly, you are going to attract women who are a**holes as well.

  • Like 1
denxnis Established Member

denxnis

Posted
Posted

I'm with you on this one. I had a few girl's I could have easily bagged (aka one night stand) but said **** it I'm way better than them.

 

Then I ran into this girl I've seen at school a few times, cute and has manners! I got her phone number and have yet to contact her; unfortunately after a bit of snooping I found out she may have a boyfriend so I might just walk away from this one, one thing I learned from my breakup is don't be "that" guy.

 

Long story short, keep looking man. If I had to take a shot in the dark I would say maybe 15% of woman are dateable but that doesn't mean you should quit, it just means you should keep working your ass off and keep your eye out for that special someone.

  • Like 1
LostOne1 Established Member

LostOne1

Posted
Posted
Unfortunately, Its been a while since i've posted on here.

but over the past few months I've been really trying to move on and do what I can to get over this girl.

 

put it like this....I've become an a**hole, I used to be the guy that always had hope and was positive about things and people.

 

After my break up with a girl who couldn't give me a reason and told me how amazing I am as we parted ways, and my friend going through a divorce i just don't have the respect for girls/women anymore.....I treated her well and constantly made her laugh, he treated her well and supported her in everyway possible, but in the end they kick you to the curb and I guess its simple enough to say feelings change or these things happen and you have to believe something better is on its way, but with remembering how they went about breaking up with us (mine not doing anything till i decided to bring it up, and his through a text) whats the point?.

 

So i go on dates and not care what the outcome is, I'm still nice but am completely brutally honest at times....i ended up hooking up with another girl i was seeing's friend. All around its pathetic to say but i had my heart stomped on and to watch every other girl still go about their lives like feelings don't matter (the girl i was seeing was married for 10 years and told me after she broke up with him that she didn't miss him at all) i was like wtf is that?....made me think very poorly of her. anyway, I guess this was just something i needed to get off my chest and I'd really like to work on it but I feel like I was the ass end of a joke so now I'll show people how much it can suck when it happens to them....though i know i'm taking it out on the wrong people, and still wish her the best...........

pathetic

Take my advice man.. don't blame the rest of the world or other girls. I was like you after what my ex did to me. I hated all women and dating and everything.

 

I slowly learned I don't care now. I don't hate women or anything. But I kinda spend time on myself now. I do talk to girls more often now, but just as friends. I've decided to spend more time on my career and life and friends. I gave all that up for my ex for 3 yrs.. before we BU and I'm, glad it happened. Or I'd be living that same ****ty miserable life.

 

I think it hurt a lot, but what happens HAPPENS for the BEST! You will eventually see it in time and be grateful it happened and made you a better person. Don't let 1 girl change who you are.. BE YOU! and someone will WANT YOU! well.. for YOU!.

 

So if your a nice guy BE a nice guy and never change. And be happy man! it's time for your own and new journey! take the new adventure!

  • Like 1
cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted

I went thru the same type phase as you after a prior breakup in my early 20's. I decided that i had been so hurt that i was just going to be an sorta an ahole and not worry about women's feelings too much as long as i was honest that i didn't want anything serious. If somebody got a little hurt.. too bad.

 

It was sorta like i was taking revenge out on new women to pay the price for my prior hurt of being a perpetual nice guy.

 

This actually wasn't a bad phase. And i really didn't end up hurting anyone much. Maybe i got a few girls hopes up after a few dates before i bailed etcetera.

 

Anyway this helped get my confidence back and i eventually started to not be cynical but i was left with a much more confident me with boundaries etcetera and i didn't put women on a pedestal anymore.

 

It was this phase and coming out of it that landed me what i would consider my best RS to date. Cav

  • Like 1
Thunderchild Established Member

Thunderchild

Posted
Posted (edited)
Unfortunately, Its been a while since i've posted on here.

but over the past few months I've been really trying to move on and do what I can to get over this girl.

 

put it like this....I've become an a**hole, I used to be the guy that always had hope and was positive about things and people.

 

After my break up with a girl who couldn't give me a reason and told me how amazing I am as we parted ways, and my friend going through a divorce i just don't have the respect for girls/women anymore.....I treated her well and constantly made her laugh, he treated her well and supported her in everyway possible, but in the end they kick you to the curb and I guess its simple enough to say feelings change or these things happen and you have to believe something better is on its way, but with remembering how they went about breaking up with us (mine not doing anything till i decided to bring it up, and his through a text) whats the point?.

 

So i go on dates and not care what the outcome is, I'm still nice but am completely brutally honest at times....i ended up hooking up with another girl i was seeing's friend. All around its pathetic to say but i had my heart stomped on and to watch every other girl still go about their lives like feelings don't matter (the girl i was seeing was married for 10 years and told me after she broke up with him that she didn't miss him at all) i was like wtf is that?....made me think very poorly of her. anyway, I guess this was just something i needed to get off my chest and I'd really like to work on it but I feel like I was the ass end of a joke so now I'll show people how much it can suck when it happens to them....though i know i'm taking it out on the wrong people, and still wish her the best...........

pathetic

 

IF you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

 

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

 

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

 

 

(Kipling)

Edited by Thunderchild
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