Ninja'sHusband Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 (edited) (this is for school btw, she has to read it) It's a book called "The Hatchet" by Gary Paulsen. It starts with a 13yr old boy experiencing anger and depression over his parents divorce. He struggles to remember something he saw before the divorce...which was him catching his mom making out with a guy in a car at the mall. Mostly it's a story about survival. On his way to see his Dad, the pilot of small plane he is on has a heart attack and he wrecks in the middle of nowhere. Eventually he eventually finds his Dad again. The last sentence of the book is: "Brian tried several times to tell his father, came really close once to doing it, but in the end never said a word about the man or what he knew, the Secret." My 10yr old daughter hasn't gotten to the part where they describe the making out yet but will soon.. DD doesn't know about her mother's affair and that it caused our divorce. She see's her mom having a fellow student over though (not the AP, this is a new guy). One time we went to pick up her violin from her Mom's apartment and when she got back in the car she volunteered, "<dude's name> was there". I was visibly disturbed by this even though I tried not to be...DD says, "I love you Dad". I've been suspicious things might start between them for a while now. My daughter reported he was over helping my Ex with math homework again. I think my Ex was motivated to finally separate our phone bills when I complained about her "recent flurry of texts", which were to this guy ^^ I was asking her to claim her old phone# on a separate account, and I didn't want to pay for her texting. fyi, I've never asked my DD about the guy, both times she's mentioned him she did it out of nowhere. Anyway, the book just really hits close to the mark for me. It may raise questions within my daughter. She might voice them or not. I hadn't planned on telling my daughter about the affair for at least several more years when she's a teen. This book makes me anxious though, and I'm not sure what to do. Probably nothing right now, but she might start asking questions. If she asks about an affair, I won't lie...that's for sure. I worry she's already seen things like what the boy in the story has seen. This book will probably make her think she should keep quiet about it. Maybe she should since we are divorcing and it hardly matters anymore...I don't know. I hate for it to be a source of stress for her. Maybe I should talk with her teacher, yeah... I feel like I should tell her the ending of the book is wrong...but at the same time I don't really want to know about my ex and whatever guy she is boinking now. I'm past that point, sure it makes me mad still but I'm not going to go raging about it or trying to stop her anymore. I don't want to confuse my daughter. sigh... Anyway thoughts? Anyone else encountered this "children's book"? I see some parents are outraged about it on Amazon if you read the 2 star reviews. I dunno how I feel just yet. I don't like the secrecy thing at the end...especially since what he saw happened *before* the divorce. Thinking on it more, this won't be the last book like this... But usually you don't read them until highschool! (Scarlett Letter for instance) Edited March 13, 2013 by Ninja'sHusband
sb129 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 As for the book..........that is terrible, kids are robbed of their innocence in so many ways at a younger and younger age. I;m inclined to agree with this- I know that we need to teach our kids about life and the experiences it can throw at you, but do we need to start discussing that sort of stuff at ten??? (I realise your daughter has no choice in either the book or her mothers behaviour but..) I was still innocently playing with Barbies at that age. 2
NotCamelot Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I feel for you. Really. As a father of 3 ( 2 girls, 1 boy ), I understand how you feel. Of course, at 10, your daughter is really a little young to understand the feelings. But, at some point, she deserves to know. I am not advocating trashing the mother. Though, no lies should be told either. The truth may indeed help your daughter in her romantic life after she is grown. The mother of my two oldest and I divorced when they were 10 and 6. That was the hardest thing. I can see now how it evolved for them. They are now 32 and 28......both married with kids. And I can tell that they are married for life. I believe that living through with they did as children made a difference in their adult relationships. So something good came out of it all. I think you should answer any questions that she brings up acurately, honestly, and very delicately. And, when the time is right, the rest of the story should be told. Children are much more aware than they most people think. 1
Author Ninja'sHusband Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Thanks guys. I think the counseling suggestion is a good one. We took her to see a counselor once before we decided to divorce, just because we weren't sure if our turbulence was affecting her or not....but that was ages ago...and she definitely knows way more now than she used to. Maybe I'll wait until she's finished this book and then take her to see a counselor I know who specializes in kids.
Act Two Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I can see how that hits a raw nerve; no advice on what to say as I imagine eventually I'll have to explain to my own children how my infidelity helped to break up their family (although they were never exposed to exOM). As an English teacher though, Hatchet is pretty much a staple in middle school Language Arts classrooms- it is a Newbery Honor Medal winner primarily for how the main character is depicted and survival/resilience factor. My of my boys (6th/8th grades) read it. 1
Author Ninja'sHusband Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I can see how that hits a raw nerve; no advice on what to say as I imagine eventually I'll have to explain to my own children how my infidelity helped to break up their family (although they were never exposed to exOM). As an English teacher though, Hatchet is pretty much a staple in middle school Language Arts classrooms- it is a Newbery Honor Medal winner primarily for how the main character is depicted and survival/resilience factor. My of my boys (6th/8th grades) read it. Thanks, yeah the book would make more sense if she were in middle school.
sb129 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I feel for you. Really. As a father of 3 ( 2 girls, 1 boy ), I understand how you feel. Of course, at 10, your daughter is really a little young to understand the feelings. But, at some point, she deserves to know. I am not advocating trashing the mother. Though, no lies should be told either. The truth may indeed help your daughter in her romantic life after she is grown. The mother of my two oldest and I divorced when they were 10 and 6. That was the hardest thing. I can see now how it evolved for them. They are now 32 and 28......both married with kids. And I can tell that they are married for life. I believe that living through with they did as children made a difference in their adult relationships. So something good came out of it all. I think you should answer any questions that she brings up acurately, honestly, and very delicately. And, when the time is right, the rest of the story should be told. Children are much more aware than they most people think. This is true- my H's mother had an affair while he was a preschooler and his parents marriage ended. As an adult, he is fiercely anti- infidelity and determined to be a good parent and a good spouse. He is also under no illusions that his mothers behaviour was acceptable, despite the fact that she (even after all these years!) still justifies it for various reasons.
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