316 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 (just realized I accidentally posted this in the break-ups section so I moved this thread here) This post has nothing to do with being heartbroken... I do not wish to go back to being in a relationship with my ex because I've realized I didn't love her as much as I thought I did. I'm doing a lot better 3 months post-BU but I'm still in the process of recovering. This post is about coping with the loneliness... I don't really miss HER, I just miss having someone I could always talk to. I miss having someone I could cuddle with at night. I miss having someone I can be sexually intimate with. I miss having someone I can hang around with whenever I wanted and just be myself. I miss having someone to spoil and take out to dinner and stuff all the time. I just miss the perks of having a girlfriend. I wish I had a close group of friends I could go out with and have fun with on weekends and stuff to help me enjoy the "single life" but honestly I don't. Most of my time outside of school is spent on my computer at home. I'd love to get out more and meet more new people but my uni is an hour away and I'm only on campus 2 days out of the week. Any advice on how to get out of this lonely slump I've been having recently? Is it normal to be having these feelings 3 months after a break up? By the way this was my first relationship/breakup so I'm still learning the ropes in terms of these post-breakup shenanigans. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
wahine Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I cope with it by telling myself that this time alone just gives me more time to better myself for the next boyfriend (in your case, girlfriend). If you make it a mission between relationships to improve yourself so that you increase your options next time, you're more likely to find someone who will last next time around. That being said, you also need to do things that you love to do, and occupy your time while increasing your own happiness/self esteem that way for a little bit. You may very well meet someone while doing so and kill two birds with one stone. Sitting at home on your computer is NOT going to help you one bit. If you don't have friends, you need to make some. Most of my relationships stemmed from meeting friends of my coworkers or roommates. If you have neither of those (no job and still living with parents), that may be something for you to think about. Edit: it's normal to feel lonely after three months. Like you said, you miss the companionship, not necessarily the companion.
Love4Pain Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 In the same boat you are about feeling lonely. Normally when I'm single I don't care and I don't feel lonely, (this is not my first relationship) but this time around after the break up I actually feel alone. I didn't have the luxury of seeing my ex bf in person all the time like you did, but now that I no longer have the excitement and hope of seeing him during the times that we were going to plan visits to each other, I feel so....I feel crappy and sad >_< like one of my most precious things got taken away from me. My excitement has turned into disappointment. I guess because I knew I couldn't get the physical closeness all the time, I was already appreciating the time we would spend together more, and I miss talking to him. I don't have many friends either that I can hang out with or talk to regularly like I used to talk to with my ex. It sucks a lot. I agree that you should try to find things you like doing, or haven't been able to do but want to and do them. I'm trying to do the same myself. My college has campus events and things, you could try to find something that sounds interesting to you and go to some of them and talk to the people that are there too Might make some new friends!
big bear Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I drink till I'm numb and then go to bed. No lie. Stop it. I did it for a long time. Made a fool in front of friends, family and colleagues. + did a lot of drunk dialing. When I was drunk I used to be in this constant daze, now I am sobering up and although reality hits hard and I lost most of my friends (they still drink heavily). I realized it's not healthy for the body or the mind. 1
cdt76 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I didn't say drunk. I said numb. Big difference. I also run and workout and box. Boxing helps with the anger but the sleep deprivation is what's hardest. That's where the numb part kicks in and lets me sleep.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 For many years I went fishing. I realized I didn't even need a car much less a boat where I lived on Long Island and learned how to use ultra-light gear and lures to catch striped bass and small blue fish. It was a much healthier pass time than sitting around and picking up a drink or drug or some other substance like food. Some people even go to 12 step meetings just to have some social contact without tickling your brain's pleasure centers. But I personally found those meetings to be hit or miss. If you live in a city where you can walk to a meeting, it's nice to get to see locals you can then bump into at markets and stuff and be sociable with. But if you live in the burbs or rural an have to drive, you'll likely only see those people at the meetings where the time is largely occupied by the rituals. People do however congregate at local diners and whatnot to gab but if food is your issue, like me, sitting in a diner or w/e is counter-productive. Society isn't very social in the US when you really get down to it. Don't go to a bar. That's what losers do. Enroll in continuing ed or something.
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