puzzled1 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 *Long Breath* Okay! Tonight marks the night me and the love of my life go our separate ways. Let me shine some light on some things. We are 2 different race, 2 different religions and 2 different people. We had been together for 3 1/2 years and things seemed "perfect". Things started to go downhill when everything started becoming more serious, and marriage and life goals started to come into play. She is a christian and I am not. (I say that now because everything makes so much more sense). _____________ADDITIONAL INFO_________NOT NECESSARY TO READ__________ The last 4 months in our relationship, things were not going right... I was in denial and ignoring signs because I loved her so much. She was trying to replace the place I held in her heart. From the beginning of our relationship, she mentioned that one day she is going to be religious. I kept saying there is nothing wrong with that and I respect that! Towards the end of our relationship, she mentioned things like: "I don't feel the passion anymore" "I love you but don't feel like I am in-love with you" "My head and heart and saying 2 different things" and all the other things you have heard and experienced. -Fast forward a bit- I found out she was seeing someone else behind my back. We broke up. She started dating someone else and I started seeing other people. We kind of kept in touch throughout the whole time we were separated. She broke up with the new guy and wanted me back, I wanted to "experiment" and entertain the idea. In the beginning it was going well but then it started to turn sour again. She wasn't ready for a "commitment" she was not ready for anything because there was too much going on. There were a lot of hints from the last breakup happening again and I felt like there was another guy again. She started to go to church A LOT more often and also going to bible study with a totally different group of people. I started to question some of her moves, and she would deny it. blah blah blah... ________________CONTINUE ON READING_______________________________________ For the past few weeks, I have been feeling miserable because I feel like she is hiding something so we talked last week about my feelings, she made me feel like nothing was wrong. Then 2 days later, same story... But today we met up for dinner, it was romantic and lovely. Towards the end of the night, someone called her 2 times but she ignored the calls. I started to feel weird again and that's when it all started. Tonight, I brought up to attention that I know the guy that is in her bible study she is interested in. I told her I know she had been talking to him. I confessed all my doubts and feelings. She was hesitant but somewhat agreed. She mentioned that she pictures her life 10 years from now that will include Me, her, kids and happiness. But there is a big part that is holding her back, and that is religion. She believes that she cannot be happy knowing I will not be going to heaven because I am not the same religion as her. I am willing to compromise everything but converting and that is not good enough for her. So we came to a conclusion. I told her I love her with all my heart and she will always hold a special place inside me but I have to let go of this relationship. I told her, she needs to start seeing the bible study guy because he seems genuine and has his ducks in a row. I told her this is the hardest decision I have ever made and it tears me inside to let go of someone who means the world to me. I told her it is not fair that I am holding her back and she needs to let me go. We held each other while crying our eyes out for over an hour. We kept saying we love each other, and maybe one day we can be back in each others lives. I kissed her ever soft lips and pecked her forehead to comfort her while she held me tight. After all the tears were out, I gave her a BIG hug kissing her neck and told her goodbye. I feel a big relieve by letting us "free" but I really need support from people that have been in my position. I feel so lonely and miserable even though this was for the best. I cant imagine loosing my best friend, my gf, the love of my life, my other half and I feel its very important to stop contact as I would get hurt by knowing that she is in the arms of someone else... Its much harder to let go, knowing that she still loves me and she is my true first love....
cavalier99 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 (edited) Sounds sorta like my goodbye scene. The only way out is pure NC. And i mean like NEVER talk to, respond to, or see her again. At least for a couple years if then. Sorry man. Cav Edited March 13, 2013 by cavalier99
Author puzzled1 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Sounds sorta like my goodbye scene. The only way out is pure NC. And i mean like NEVER talk to, respond to, or see her again. At least for a couple years if then. Sorry man. Cav Its devastating. It seems like if I am awake all I can concentrate on is her. I've just been breaking down a lot and feeling anxious as ever!
cavalier99 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 (edited) Sorry man. I guess reality REALLY hit this time. No more games bro. IT IS OVER. This is survival time man. Your strong but these things take the even the heartiest of us out. Your going to have to take the same medicine as the rest of us to recover or this will only get worse. NC. Hang in there. Dont snap. Lol Cav FYI Im 5 plus months NC and doing pretty good after 8 year RS. You can do it. I know nothing about her now. She is an illusion of the past. That is why NC is soooo important. Edited March 13, 2013 by cavalier99
OwlSoul Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 puzzled1, you really have a great courage to do something that most of us fail to do...letting the person go. It will really come easier by time, just try to focus yourself on what you love to do, friends and other people. I do not think that the religion is the issue though, since it was not the problem from the beginning. If you're interested in finding out what has happend, try to read "The Passion Trap" book by Dean Delis. I suspect you were more interested in her and showed more passion and etc. so she started feeling weird and distanced. "My head and heart and saying 2 different things" = She felt guilty, since she realises what a great man are you and how much do you love her. Logically, she should of stay with you, whereas she was emotionally driven away. There were a lot of hints from the last breakup happening again and I felt like there was another guy again. Oh, people should never get back if they can fell into the old behaving patterns. Learned this on my own mistakes. I started to question some of her moves, and she would deny it. blah blah blah... Most likely, this made her feel like you want more from her than she is ready to give. Asking such stuff is always a wrong move as well as letting yourself feel miserable and dependent. Towards the end of the night, someone called her 2 times but she ignored the calls. I started to feel weird again and that's when it all started. Faced totally the same situation just a week ago. My ex and me were dating again, but I noticed he was msging a way more than before. I started asking him about it, showing sadness and etc. As a result, he asked for some time for himself. I feel a big relieve by letting us "free" but I really need support from people that have been in my position. I feel so lonely and miserable even though this was for the best. It really was for the best. The relationship which gets disbalanced so easily needs both of the partners to change. Even if you'd get back together again and start dating, everything will repeat over again. I'm in the exactly the same situation as you are. 2 different races, 2 different nationalities, the distance, different social statuses and etc. Just take this time as an opportunity to change and learn. I did not go full NC though, it is more like a light contact, since I know it is not hurting me. Although sometimes I feel worried.
Author puzzled1 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 puzzled1, you really have a great courage to do something that most of us fail to do...letting the person go. It will really come easier by time, just try to focus yourself on what you love to do, friends and other people. I do not think that the religion is the issue though, since it was not the problem from the beginning. If you're interested in finding out what has happend, try to read "The Passion Trap" book by Dean Delis. I suspect you were more interested in her and showed more passion and etc. so she started feeling weird and distanced. "My head and heart and saying 2 different things" = She felt guilty, since she realises what a great man are you and how much do you love her. Logically, she should of stay with you, whereas she was emotionally driven away. Oh, people should never get back if they can fell into the old behaving patterns. Learned this on my own mistakes. Most likely, this made her feel like you want more from her than she is ready to give. Asking such stuff is always a wrong move as well as letting yourself feel miserable and dependent. Faced totally the same situation just a week ago. My ex and me were dating again, but I noticed he was msging a way more than before. I started asking him about it, showing sadness and etc. As a result, he asked for some time for himself. It really was for the best. The relationship which gets disbalanced so easily needs both of the partners to change. Even if you'd get back together again and start dating, everything will repeat over again. I'm in the exactly the same situation as you are. 2 different races, 2 different nationalities, the distance, different social statuses and etc. Just take this time as an opportunity to change and learn. I did not go full NC though, it is more like a light contact, since I know it is not hurting me. Although sometimes I feel worried. Thank you so much for your reply. That makes me feel better. When we officially broke up for the first time, I had some anger to hold on to, and I kept saying to myself that I deserve better. What happened last night was a complete change of heart. She told me everything I did not need to hear, but wanted to hear. All I seem to be doing now is crying. I have cried longer than I have slept, I had no idea my eyes could bleed this much...
cavalier99 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Hey puzzled i just realized our BU's happened at the same time beginning of October. F*ck I'm glad I stayed NC. Not that you should have any regrets but you definitely took the hard road. But now you can write a novel
Author puzzled1 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Hey puzzled i just realized our BU's happened at the same time beginning of October. F*ck I'm glad I stayed NC. Not that you should have any regrets but you definitely took the hard road. But now you can write a novel Lol, feels like my life is a novel. Yeah I remember reading your story and it was very similar to mine. This is def a hard road and I don't regret my decision at all. I just wish I could control my freaking emotions, I feel like a little 10 year old girl.
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