shy_actor Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I'm not sure what my problem is but I cannot seem to get intimate with girls I just met unless I get a little buzzed. It's weird. I've had several girlfriends and I'm extremely affectionate once I get comfortable around them. But in the early stages there is this invisible barrier I can only break down with alcohol. I'm a full time actor and I used to model when I was younger. I have no problem approaching girls and I get a lot of dates. But I'm also extremely introverted. When I arrive at a party, bar, or large group gathering I often feel extremely awkward. If I get some booze in me, I eventually overcome my anxieties and relax a little. That's when I get touchy feely and have made out with plenty of girls the night we met - but as I reflect back it's always when we're both tipsy or whatever. Then I go on dates and the ones involving alcohol are the ones that go very well. But it seems the moment we have a sober date, I clam up, and either get friend zoned or straight rejection. I've never gotten past about 4-5 dates. Every girlfriend I've had has been the result of a friendship first or co-worker situation. But right now all those avenues are kinda dried up and my only prospects are approaching strangers. I can get to first or second base but I seem to suck at closing the deal... Please help!
CryForNoOne Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 You're a FULL TIME actor right? So that means you're not a waiter who wants to be an actor. Why not just study the role of being a cassanova and pretend you're playing a role...
dasein Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 You are afflicted with state dependent learning, google it, and the only way I know to break it is to stop all drinking for a good long time and reengineer your brain socially. Get a hobby or two you can talk passionately about, and try to let that passion replace the inhibition lowering buzz. Good luck.
LuckyShades Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 This seems like a common problem with a lot of people. I mean hookups always happen at parties etc. beause inhibitions ARE lowered. you just need more experience making moves while sober.
Lani Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 How old are you? I used to be like this when I was younger, but not so much anymore. I do still find that dates are better with a drink or two, just to loosen up and relax. I don't think we're alone on this at all!
Author shy_actor Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I just turned 30. So the crazy thing is a few years ago I played the romantic interest and did a love scene opposite a very famous actress in an indie flick, but I cannot create that same situation in real life. I have this massive mental block or something. Maybe it is state dependent learning disorder or whatever. Never heard of it before but it's like I have two different personalities. I kinda have the same thing when I'm acting. I'm really shy but you'd never know once I get into my role on stage or in front of the camera.
Lani Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I just turned 30. So the crazy thing is a few years ago I played the romantic interest and did a love scene opposite a very famous actress in an indie flick, but I cannot create that same situation in real life. I have this massive mental block or something. Maybe it is state dependent learning disorder or whatever. Never heard of it before but it's like I have two different personalities. I kinda have the same thing when I'm acting. I'm really shy but you'd never know once I get into my role on stage or in front of the camera. Maybe because you've associated it with acting, you don't feel like you can loosen up enough to do it naturally? And this results in you subconsciously becoming shy?
iKING Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Sounds like social anxiety my friend. Prescription? Expose therapy, do it more often. You're an actor, take a step outside of yourself and loosen up. Like being a character that you grow into. People will like you for you, chat about whatever, be friendly, and don't worry about what people think. 2
GoodLovin Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Yeah, I've been through this many times. It's like you and the girl are totally different people without alcohol. It can be quite jarring. You're having a wild, crazy time one night, and the next, you are left vulnerable with the 'real you' exposed. Not a comfortable feeling at all. No pat answers, but I do have a bit of understanding of where you're coming from. I'm not sure what my problem is but I cannot seem to get intimate with girls I just met unless I get a little buzzed. It's weird. I've had several girlfriends and I'm extremely affectionate once I get comfortable around them. But in the early stages there is this invisible barrier I can only break down with alcohol. I'm a full time actor and I used to model when I was younger. I have no problem approaching girls and I get a lot of dates. But I'm also extremely introverted. When I arrive at a party, bar, or large group gathering I often feel extremely awkward. If I get some booze in me, I eventually overcome my anxieties and relax a little. That's when I get touchy feely and have made out with plenty of girls the night we met - but as I reflect back it's always when we're both tipsy or whatever. Then I go on dates and the ones involving alcohol are the ones that go very well. But it seems the moment we have a sober date, I clam up, and either get friend zoned or straight rejection. I've never gotten past about 4-5 dates. Every girlfriend I've had has been the result of a friendship first or co-worker situation. But right now all those avenues are kinda dried up and my only prospects are approaching strangers. I can get to first or second base but I seem to suck at closing the deal... Please help!
dasein Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Maybe it is state dependent learning disorder or whatever. It's not a learning disorder, just that our social persona forms over time in accordance with our pattern social behavior, if you learn to socialize or socialize over a long period, while drinking, you will end up socializing better while drinking. With alcohol, there are other factors at play also, equally important, such as lowered inhibitions and the tendency to find drinking people boring when one is not drinking. State-dependent learning - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
greenetree Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Is that you in the avatar! If so let me know where you want to get tipsy and intimate! :love:
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