saiyenman Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I just wanted to share the emotional state I was in for the first 3 days when the person I loved told me she was moving out. I had broken off an engagement months ago but I never really felt what I had lost until she finally left. I was not ready, there were too many things for me to figure out about myself before moving onto a life with her. THE THINGS I DO ARE MEANINGLESS WITHOUT YOU The Break-up In the busy-ness of our lives together living as two people to be married, I misplaced the memories, experiences and love we shared. I lost my way and paid dearly. Now I will have to go about my own adventures without my partner, with whom I have had the great joy of sharing many. This story does not end well but I hope that with time and patience, it will. I now realize that she is the one but only too late for she is also gone. I reap the consequences of my choices not fully understanding that a metamorphosis had taken place. What once was a sheltered girl has transformed into one of the strongest women I have ever known reminiscent of her older sibling. I am proud of what she has become. I only wish I had the chance to explore this new person that has spread her wings to fly away, away from me. Sunken Heart In the aftermath, what am I left with? An empty home, an unfulfilled dream, a dimming light, a lonely life in the shadows of what “could” have been are all that is left. She has taken the music out of my life; what remains is the ringing of its absence. Days go by and I wonder if it will get easier. Sometimes they do other times not so much. I am stuck on a never-ending emotional rollercoaster spiraling out of control with no end in sight and my only thought is “is she happy”. I hope so, since all I have caused her was an everlasting pain. When I look back at all the things we did together, reality strikes me down. I no longer can share my experiences with her and my heart sinks deeper away from the light of her smile. I am drowning into my greatest fear, a fear that was once lifted by my greatest friend, my best friend. Soon, my heart will sink so deep it will once again become cold and impenetrable. I will once again walk about my day with a half-hearted smile and a hidden agony. I will laugh and I will cry and I will do all of the things people do but I will no longer be myself. I will wear the mask that once was stripped away and hold onto the broken shards of my heart with careful hands for it may drop and further shatter until all that remains is dust. Life Continues My friends comfort me as best they can and I am thankful for them. When they are around I can hear the music of their hearts and it gives me hope. They are very colorful and it helps to see their smiles. It reminds me of the times my own was genuine. They force me to realize that it is not the end even though the chapter is at its last words. I begin to think of all the things I can do to distract myself and I can almost conceive a future worthwhile; soccer, piano, chess, knowledge, travel, getting to know new people, etc. I take my first step out of the world in which I once knew and into something bigger than any of us can probably perceive. I only wish I could look forward into this bright future with her, hand in hand. Perhaps we will meet again. Perhaps our chapter will be… revived. Revived (To be or not to be, continued)
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