The "Cool" Factor in Dating

[Lani]

So essentially, It's having the ultimate poker face.

 

Yeah, and wearing your shades inside.

 

Uber cool.

[Pyro]

A lot of being "cool" indicates social intelligence, which is a big turn on, as is all intelligence and ability in general.

 

At the same time, the guy has to be real, and if he's in theatrical mode being cool, I see it's a fictional character and get bored.

 

Yes!!!

 

Hmm. Interesting. I don't hear it used for women as often, but I definitely hear women say it about men and I've heard it said about me quite a few times.

 

Another instance that cool is used is when an 'outsider' of our group is invited to a gathering and myself or another will ask 'are they cool?' In that example we just mean someone who isn't going to start trouble and just wants to have a good time.

 

Still I don't hear it anymore when it comes to dating. They just call the person for what they are: nice, sweet, intelligent, open-minded, good talker/listener, etc.

[iKING]

LOL smooth isn't a new expression.

 

 

*facepalm*

 

Usually, my guy friends call me "cool."

 

"Yeah, that's a cool guy. I would definitely be his friend."

 

Women usually refer to me as "hot."

 

I've also found "hot" to be more based on personality than looks. It's kind of like being charming and charismatic. "Hot" guys have a certain swagger about them.

 

It's the swagger, for sure.

[Lani]

I say guys are cool all the time.

 

'He's super hot, and actually a really cool guy'

 

I never follow 'cool' with 'dude' though.

Mostly because I'm not Bart Simpson.

[MrCastle]

Cool people don't say "swagger". Sorry. I refuse to use that word.

[iKING]

Yeah, and wearing your shades inside.

 

Uber cool.

 

I thought that just meant you were stoned out of your mind?

[Pyro]

Yeah, and wearing your shades inside.

 

Uber cool.

 

:laugh:

Makes me think of this

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Cool people don't say "swagger". Sorry. I refuse to use that word.

 

Hate to tell you, but a cool person just did.

[ptp]

Well whatever you think "cool" is Castle, one huge component is being honest to who you are and not trying too hard.

 

You are trying too hard to be "cool".

[Lani]

:laugh:

Makes me think of this

 

Haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Look at that guys stupid beard!

 

Those guys - not cool

[Eggplant]

Even more interestinger!

 

I've said before I can get theatrical in my approaches but it has not hindered my success. I am theatrical by nature. I like playing up that role.

 

I've said several times, I have to be "that guy", "the guy".

 

I take no pleasure in being just another regular dude a woman dates. I have to leave my impression.

 

As an introvert who likes to eventually talk meaning of life type conversations, I like to cut through fake bullsh*t.

 

But I think if a guy were theatrical in the beginning that might seriously turn me on for the moment... I would enjoy the show, as I would appreciate any display or effort to entertain.

[iKING]

Cool people don't say "swagger". Sorry. I refuse to use that word.

 

Cool people don't say cool.

 

They say.. Whatever weird new name for the same thing society has deemed hot and in style.

 

The word "swagger" always cracks me up.

 

For the most part, it has to come naturally, trying too hard makes you look like a fool. Which is the gist I get from people who try to display "swagger".

[MrCastle]

This is all very interesting though.

 

I think, for whatever reason, cool just isn't as big as it was back in the day.

 

Sure, you have a few people that seem like they have the "cool" factor, maybe George Clooney, Johnny Depp, a few other GQ cover men.

 

But in day to day life, I don't see many guys I'd deem "cool".

 

Since being cool is very important to me, not just for dating, or to try and impress people or anything like that, I just value being cool--I'm providing a niche. A market that has very little competition.

 

I seriously do think my personality, my cool personality is what has helped me get some girls that better looking me than me, have failed to get.

 

Being funny isn't enough, or smart, or other basic things (of which I feel I also have), it's that x factor.

 

Because so few men actually worry about being cool, I use that to my advantage.

 

I'm surprised at how few people care about their image these days. Especially with social media, people put their whole lives out there. Nothing is sacred anymore.

 

Those people back in the day probably seemed cooler because they only showed you what they wanted you to see.

 

Who people think you are is just as important as who you really are, in my opinion.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Cool people don't say cool.

 

They say.. Whatever weird new name for the same thing society has deemed hot and in style.

 

The word "swagger" always cracks me up.

 

For the most part, it has to come naturally, trying too hard makes you look like a fool. Which is the gist I get from people who try to display "swagger".

 

No no no.

 

That's not what "swagger" means at all. If you have swagger, that basically means you're extremely confident and don't care about what others think about you.

[Star Gazer]

If you were trying to give out compliments Castle, you should have just said something.

 

The problem with cool is, cool isn't a cool word anymore.

 

I've used it four times today.

 

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

This is all very interesting though.

 

I think, for whatever reason, cool just isn't as big as it was back in the day.

 

Sure, you have a few people that seem like they have the "cool" factor, maybe George Clooney, Johnny Depp, a few other GQ cover men.

 

But in day to day life, I don't see many guys I'd deem "cool".

 

Since being cool is very important to me, not just for dating, or to try and impress people or anything like that, I just value being cool--I'm providing a niche. A market that has very little competition.

 

I seriously do think my personality, my cool personality is what has helped me get some girls that better looking me than me, have failed to get.

 

Being funny isn't enough, or smart, or other basic things (of which I feel I also have), it's that x factor.

 

Because so few men actually worry about being cool, I use that to my advantage.

 

I'm surprised at how few people care about their image these days. Especially with social media, people put their whole lives out there. Nothing is sacred anymore.

 

Those people back in the day probably seemed cooler because they only showed you what they wanted you to see.

 

Who people think you are is just as important as who you really are, in my opinion.

 

Everybody looks cool in the movies man. I bet George Clooney doesn't look too cool when he's stressed out, when he just wakes up, or when he's taking a dump either.

 

I'd much rather go through life being known as the fun guy rather than the cool guy.

[MrCastle]

Well whatever you think "cool" is Castle, one huge component is being honest to who you are and not trying too hard.

 

You are trying too hard to be "cool".

 

I don't think I try hard at all, really. Maybe in my earlier days I did. I admit I place a higher emphasis on being cool than most. But as for how I come across in real life, I don't think anyone sees me as trying too hard.

 

Let's keep it in perspective. This is a forum where we break down every little thing to the very last detail. Everything is under a microscope.

 

Doesn't mean I think about being cool 24/7 and that's my only reason for living.

[Lani]

This is all very interesting though.

 

I think, for whatever reason, cool just isn't as big as it was back in the day.

 

Sure, you have a few people that seem like they have the "cool" factor, maybe George Clooney, Johnny Depp, a few other GQ cover men.

 

But in day to day life, I don't see many guys I'd deem "cool".

 

Since being cool is very important to me, not just for dating, or to try and impress people or anything like that, I just value being cool--I'm providing a niche. A market that has very little competition.

 

I seriously do think my personality, my cool personality is what has helped me get some girls that better looking me than me, have failed to get.

 

Being funny isn't enough, or smart, or other basic things (of which I feel I also have), it's that x factor.

 

Because so few men actually worry about being cool, I use that to my advantage.

 

I'm surprised at how few people care about their image these days. Especially with social media, people put their whole lives out there. Nothing is sacred anymore.

 

Those people back in the day probably seemed cooler because they only showed you what they wanted you to see.

 

Who people think you are is just as important as who you really are, in my opinion.

 

This makes me laugh so hard!

 

better looking me than me. Such a Castle statement!

[Divasu]

:laugh:

Makes me think of this

 

They look greasy.

[MrCastle]

Everybody looks cool in the movies man. I bet George Clooney doesn't look too cool when he's stressed out, when he just wakes up, or when he's taking a dump either.

 

Of course not. It's image. Every move he makes. Every move most smart celebrities make, is for their image. For branding.

 

He is seen as the cool guy because that's what he wants you to believe.

 

Now, as far as dating success goes, he is rich and famous and attractive, so being cool, probably adds no extra oomph.

 

But for a regular guy? I used to be the "funny guy", the "fun guy", growing up, at my old school, with my old social circle. Didn't land me a date.

 

I'm known as the "cool guy" in my social circle now. It has gotten me dates.

 

Who they think I am has peaked their interest. Mysteriousness, coolness, etc. They're interested in getting to know me.

 

I can't act like it hasn't played a role personally for me in my dating success.

[Pyro]

I've used it four times today.

 

 

Must be Cali lingo. Hang ten dude.

 

Even more interestinger!

 

I've said before I can get theatrical in my approaches but it has not hindered my success. I am theatrical by nature. I like playing up that role.

 

I've said several times, I have to be "that guy", "the guy".

 

I take no pleasure in being just another regular dude a woman dates. I have to leave my impression.

 

I don't think I try hard at all, really. Maybe in my earlier days I did. I admit I place a higher emphasis on being cool than most. But as for how I come across in real life, I don't think anyone sees me as trying too hard.

 

Let's keep it in perspective. This is a forum where we break down every little thing to the very last detail. Everything is under a microscope.

 

Doesn't mean I think about being cool 24/7 and that's my only reason for living.

 

Your first statement above can be seen to some as trying too hard

[ptp]

Sure, you have a few people that seem like they have the "cool" factor, maybe George Clooney, Johnny Depp, a few other GQ cover men.

helped me get some girls that better looking me than me, have failed to get.

 

Being funny isn't enough, or smart, or other basic things (of which I feel I also have), it's that x factor.

 

You know what their X factor is?

 

They are good looking, rich, famous and don't act like d**** bags.

 

That is their X factor.

[iKING]

As an introvert who likes to eventually talk meaning of life type conversations, I like to cut through fake bullsh*t.

 

You can be a smooth extrovert and still discuss the meanings of life.

 

No no no.

 

That's not what "swagger" means at all. If you have swagger, that basically means you're extremely confident and don't care about what others think about you.

 

Then I guess we're all drenched in swagger here Castle.

 

This makes me laugh so hard!

 

better looking me than me. Such a Castle statement!

 

He expresses thoughts too quickly sometimes much like I do.

 

It's often times to late to correct the error.

[Soxfaninfl]

I was wondering where being "cool" fit into attraction/dating.

 

Now, being "cool" can mean different things to different people, but in my opinion, these are the traits of being "cool":

 

-soft spoken/only speak when you have something important to say/don't speak just to hear yourself talk

 

-never letting your emotions cloud your judgement/being able to look at situations objectively without freaking out or overreacting in any way

 

-being open minded and not judging people

 

-being easy going, not stressing over stuff, taking life how it comes

 

-dressing fashionable but not by following trends that are in one day, out the other. To me this means dressing simply, for me it's t-shirts and jeans, and a nice jacket. Things that simple never go out of style. Classic fashion.

 

-having interesting hobbies or things that most people don't have. Anything with the arts seems to be "cool", being an actor, or musician, or photographer, but it doesn't have to be strictly creative, anything out of the ordinary, really.

 

I pride myself on being cool. I do believe it is something that can be worked on and improved upon. A lot of is in your body language, how you walk/talk, etc.

 

I also believe it is a lost art. It seems like being cool isn't worth anything these days. People like the guy in my avatar, Marilyn Monroe, and plenty of others in the past oozed coolness/sexuality. I think that's what made them iconic. Not their looks.

 

If James Dean looked the way he did but had Carrot Top's personality, I don't see him being as iconic as he is today. He is idolized to this day because he was cool.

 

However, when talking about dating, neither gender says "I want someone cool". Is this because they don't care? Because it serves no purpose to them? Or because it's so rare to find that you can't actively just look for it?

 

If someone "cool" went up against a regular person, wouldn't the "cool" person edge them out?

 

Again this is hard to pin down, because we all have our own idea of what cool is.

 

I'm just wondering if it has any influence on dating success/attraction

 

Castle, this is your song man. This is for the cool in you.

 

Babyface - "For the Cool in You" - YouTube

[Lani]

 

He expresses thoughts too quickly sometimes much like I do.

 

It's often times to late to correct the error.

 

I know, and usually I just let them go, but this one was so perfect!!