teach623 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 My girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. Things have been going unbelievable well and she decided to move in with me. I live with my mother and her and I have recently been looking for an apartment and talking about settling down. She said she "has never felt this way about anyone". We have really had an incredible relationship. 2 weeks ago, I get a text while she's at work asking what I was doing and letting me know she was almost done work. (The whole day was nothing unusual). I told her I was at home and told her to meet me there like always. She never showed up. No text, no fake excuse, NOTHING. She disappeared on me when things were going so great. Last week she came to get her stuff and I begged and pleaded just for a reason and I got nothing. I come to find out that her ex is going into the army and I assume she left me to go be with him until he leaves. This ex is not a good person. He treated her bad, no one likes him, I even talked to her mom and her mom is very upset with the way she's acting. Why would she do this to me? After all she said she wanted, even just the night before, and how happy she is. Why would she disappear on me completely randomly and ruin something so perfect? She's tearing me apart...
pgh09 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 How long were they together and broken up for when u guys started dating. I would say u were a rebound and was never fully over him
316 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I'm really sorry this happened bro but it sounds like she used you as a rebound man... Unfortunately this happens to a lot of people; they think their relationship is going so well and then all of the sudden their SO leaves them in the dust for their ex. It's going to be really hard for you to imagine this but she most likely never had real love for you in the first place. Sure you might have made her feel secure, wanted, and all of that other stuff but she probably saw you as more of a band-aid than as a lover. Nothing you did wrong it's just that this girl has never truly moved on from her ex and now you're the one suffering because of it. Lets try to look at some of the bright sides... At least you're figuring this out now as opposed to later when you and her were all moved in with each other! You deserve better than this emotional-wreck of a girl... Go no contact, allow yourself to heal, and go find an emotionally stable woman that will truly love you for who you are. You will be down for quite a while but whenever you need someone to talk to you can always post here! A lot of people here are going through or have been in the same situation as you are in trust me. By the way how quickly did you get into a relationship with this girl after she broke up with her ex?
Author teach623 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Well the issue was that she actually left her ex to be with me. She never cheated on him with me or anything. They were together for 3 years, but on and off b/c I really dont think she knows what she wants. Anyway, she wasnt happy with him and I came into the picture and we started a relationship about 3 months after we started hanging out. It wasnt overnight...i know what you mean about the rebound, but shes the one who left him...oh man i dont know im a mess. people seem to think she wants both of us and cant make up her mind and will come crawling back once he leaves for the army...which I guess I cant let that happen since I cant trust her now?
pgh09 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 She was never over him i went through it. you were new and seemed so great and made her happy then rreality set in she wasnt over him completely and ready. u got burned trust me my last 2 relationships were victims of it. when they are not over an ex they always go back
316 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 when they are not over an ex they always go back Bingo. As much as you want to try to rationalize it she used you as a rebound. You were her "band-aid"... and probably a damn good one at that. But no matter how good you were to her or how great of a man you are for her she always had her ex in the back of her mind and wanted him back. Don't try to rationalize this girl's behavior because based on what you have told us she is clearly emotionally unstable. The fact that she has left you high and dry should tell you what her true intentions were. She cares about her ex's feelings more than yours. You need to move on from this girl for your own sake. Don't allow her problems to ruin your love life and your well being.
Author teach623 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 That just hit me harder than anything any of my friends or family have been saying. And I think you couldn't be more right. I've dealt with her running off and staying at his house several times. I guess maybe I thought since everyone under the sun knows I'm a much better person than he is, she would come to her senses and make the right choice. Now what's gonna happen when he leaves for the army soon and she's got no one?
pgh09 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 my ex and i were together 3 1/2 years til oct she dated someone else left him came back to me and if u read my story u will see what happens...it will be a circle. when she left me i met a girl who wasnt over an ex and she was an awesome girl but we both went back to our ex's
Author teach623 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Wow I just read your story. That's crazy. I guess I shouldve known better. I'm not a young kid and I've been through a lot, but you know how easy it is for them to suck you in and make you feel like best thing in the world. I knew she was never over him...I dont know what to do
316 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 That just hit me harder than anything any of my friends or family have been saying. And I think you couldn't be more right. I've dealt with her running off and staying at his house several times. I guess maybe I thought since everyone under the sun knows I'm a much better person than he is, she would come to her senses and make the right choice. Now what's gonna happen when he leaves for the army soon and she's got no one? Glad I'm able to help you sort this out that's what this forum is for after all! When someone isn't truly over their ex there are usually subtle hints they unintentionally give off that should warn you about this (we call them "red flags"). The part that I bolded was a HUUUUGE red flag. Going over to her ex's place was bad enough, but staying the night??? That's 100% unacceptable in ANY healthy relationship. You should have left this girl right then and there after you found out that she spent the night over at his place. But once again you probably rationalized the fact that you were and are most likely a much better man than her ex so you assumed you'd be able to win her back without an issue. You thought you could "fix" her, but the sad truth is that you can't and you're just now realizing this. Just make sure you realize none of this is your fault. You could have been the best boyfriend she could have ever asked for but the end result would have most likely ended up the same. Don't think there's something wrong with you. She's the one with the problems not you. You were just oblivious of the warning signs and the red flags so you thought you could win her over. This girl is a lost cause. I guarantee you you'll end up much happier with someone else after you heal. 1
OJ loved Nicole Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Now what's gonna happen when he leaves for the army soon and she's got no one? She might come back to you..... until someone better (in her eyes) comes along again, or her current comes home again. I'm not saying this.... she is. She's done it before. Your question..... will YOU allow her to do it again to you? Only you will answer that in time. Whatever decision you make, you'll learn from it. 1
Author teach623 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Thank you so much and yes youre right. I saw the warning signs I just thought I could win her back and make her see how much better i was for her...and yes I did but of course only temporarily. Its so unfortunate but youre right, she's the one missing out on a great thing, not me. I tried so hard but like you said in the end it doesnt really matter how great I was to her
Author teach623 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I appreciate everything. I need all the help I can get. I'm at the "I know she's not a good person and did me wrong but at the same time I miss her like crazy and loved all the moments we had together, how could she give all this up?" stage...
OJ loved Nicole Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I'm at the "I know she's not a good person and did me wrong but at the same time I miss her like crazy and loved all the moments we had together, how could she give all this up?" stage... This is going to sound harsh but keep this in mind, my ex left me a while ago for another guy as well (out of the blue, I was in heaven, I didn't see it coming).... I've been in your shoes. What I learned: Everything is momentary- "I will love you forever" actually means "right now, I think I'll love you forever". Never lose sight of that. Nobody can see the future, even a person talking about themselves. Being good doesn't guarentee anything- You might have been great to her, but that doesn't mean she'll want to be with you forever. It's called a unspoken contract (I, like you have unknowingly used it before). It goes like this: "I will be good to you, I will be nice..... in return you must love me forever, and we'll never talk about this contract". When she failed on her end of the contract, you call her a "bad person". She's not really a bad person, you think she is because she broke your unspoken contract. Being good/nice doesn't guarentee love/attraction/success/anything. We are allowed free will- She IS allowed to choose him over you. That doesn't make her a bad person or confused. You/her/me/everyone/anyone can walk away at any time (married or not). I used to look in the mirror and say "I'm perfect exactly as I am!! I'm not perfect for her, but that's ok". We don't want to live in a world without free will. Nothing you can do to get her back. Take the advice above and apply to your next relationship or if she comes back to you. We all talk a big game here, but if she came crawling back, only you know what would happen next. Good luck!
316 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 that doesn't make her a bad person or confused. Your post was spot on but I'm going to have to disagree with this confused bit. This girl is most definitely confused. If she really cared about her ex's feelings she wouldn't have left him for teach623, which she did. If she really cared for teach623's feelings she wouldn't have left him high and dry for her ex, which she did. I'm not trying to discredit anything your saying but in this case I think it's definitely okay to assume this girl is confused. Bouncing back and forth between lovers is a primary example of emotional instability.
Author teach623 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Well yes, even in the very beginning she told me that she still loved him but wanted to be with me and flat out said she was confused as to what to do b/c she was so comfortable with him but found something greater in me. Thats why I tried to believe her b/c I know he treated her bad and I would never do anything to hurt her. This ex wasnt even allowed at her parents house b/c they hated him so much. She couldnt bring him around her friends b/c they all hated him too. EVeryone was so happy and relieved when she met me and chose to finally move on from him. Like she was staying with him only b/c she was comfortable despite the way he treated her. It's night and day between this ex and myself and it seems as though everyone sees it but her...
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