Mysteree Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Hi, I'm after some advice and this is the first time I've been able to offload my story so it will be a relief to hear someone's opinion. I've been having an on/off affair with a work colleague for about 6 months now. The chemistry between us is immense and was apparent from day 1. I ended my marriage early last year so I am single, but he is not. My dilemma is this.....women's instinct....I can't help feeling I'm not his only mistress, just little things that have set alarm bells ringing. I just feel he is constantly lying to me and I can't shake it off. Have I fallen for him? In a way, yes, but despite that, because of how I don't trust him, I want to end it but feel powerless to do so as like I say, the attraction is immense, but also I have to see him everyday at work and it's not easy trying to be normal with someone you've been intimate with. It's not an option for either of us to quit or even transfer, so can anyone tell me how to deal with this as I am losing sleep over my mistrust of him.
2sure Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Since he also has a relationship with his wife, I'm not sure why his also having another OW would bother you so much? I can guess it would be because you know about the wife but he tells you lies regarding the Other OW? I can sort of understand that. Would you feel better about it if he was just flat out honest with you about having a relationship with his wife, an OW, and you?
Eggplant Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 It's not an option for either of us to quit or even transfer, so can anyone tell me how to deal with this as I am losing sleep over my mistrust of him. You can relax. There's a 99.99% chance he is lying to you, as he is to his wife, so why even lose sleep?
Author Mysteree Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Since he also has a relationship with his wife, I'm not sure why his also having another OW would bother you so much? I can guess it would be because you know about the wife but he tells you lies regarding the Other OW? I can sort of understand that. Would you feel better about it if he was just flat out honest with you about having a relationship with his wife, an OW, and you? I know about the wife and accepted that when we started the affair but I did like the fact I feel he's a serial adulterer. If he admitted it, it would make things easier for me to end, but he's not admitting anything.
Lillyfree Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Since he also has a relationship with his wife, I'm not sure why his also having another OW would bother you so much? i'd think it would be because it reduces OP's affair to what it really is - nothing special. i guess we have to tell ourselves that the A is a unique story between star-crossed lovers, who unfortunately had a spouse when they met. bringing another person into the mix makes you realise it's not that at all, it's just that the MM has an overactive peen. 3
Author Mysteree Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I know about the wife and accepted that when we started the affair but I did like the fact I feel he's a serial adulterer. If he admitted it, it would make things easier for me to end, but he's not admitting anything. Sorry don't like not did like!
2sure Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Yes, I gotcha! Ugh...you know you're driving yourself crazy and there is no right answer to help you make sense of it. Look, His wife is probably thinking to herself....if I knew for sure it would make leaving easier. Even though she has a marriage, kids, a house, debt, etc with him. She would just like to know or sure..about you. Or other OW, or whoever . But you just have this guy your crushing on at work who is banging at least one other woman and maybe more...you have no ties to him other than seeing him at work. So, you miss him. So, you feel awkward . So what?? Don't choose him over you . 3
ThatJustHappened Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I know about the wife and accepted that when we started the affair but I did like the fact I feel he's a serial adulterer. If he admitted it, it would make things easier for me to end, but he's not admitting anything. Why not just assume he's lying to you and sleeping with other OWs? Listen to your gut. If your gut is telling you he's sleeping around, he probably is. 1
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I know about the wife and accepted that when we started the affair but I did like the fact I feel he's a serial adulterer. If he admitted it, it would make things easier for me to end, but he's not admitting anything. To him it's just an affair. He isn't attached either, so it seems.. He isn't obligated to you nor does he have to answer to you. Sorry to be blunt, but I'm guessing that's how he looks at it. Good that you see he isn't trust worthy. Hope you get strong enough so you can end this and ignore him while at work, only deal with him on a professional level. So you find him hot and you two have good chemistry. Doesn't mean you can't get over it and him. he's not worth any tears. The guy is not special. 1
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