J_L_C Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 The threads on this board are common to each and every person who has been through heartbreak. Why is it that those who we loved so dearly, all end up hurting us in such similar ways? There isn't one post I've read that hasn't had a similar type of outcome. Our significant others get to a point where they either want nothing to do with us, don't consider our feelings and essentially choose to vanish from our lives completely. These are people we once shared a common vision with. Love and care were what characterized these connections. How is it that our ex-partners can shift in such dramatic ways and not care at all about what they've done to us? Is this a universal human tendency?
Lost Fish Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 You have to remember that most of the people posting here are hurting. The people who were able to let go of the relationship, without a care, probably aren't going to post about it on a website for the brokenhearted. The only common human tendency I know is that people can surprise you, people can change, people can heal, and that real love takes real work. Either you are willing to do the work required or you move on. 2
emmalynro Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 How is it that our ex-partners can shift in such dramatic ways and not care at all about what they've done to us? Is this a universal human tendency? They don't. All of my exes, even the dickweeds, have handled things in a mature and respectful manner (except for the most recent one, who cried about how much he cares about me and how devastated he is). Even when there were very hurt feelings, we managed to talk about it and part amicably. Some of them have become close friends; some I never heard from again. But it's wrong to assume that the end of a relationship automatically turns someone into a jerk. I know that I haven't changed and become hateful to the men I've dumped. As much as we're hurting, we should remember that not everyone is horrible. And that should give us encouragement for the next time...! 2
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 The threads on this board are common to each and every person who has been through heartbreak. Why is it that those who we loved so dearly, all end up hurting us in such similar ways? There isn't one post I've read that hasn't had a similar type of outcome. Our significant others get to a point where they either want nothing to do with us, don't consider our feelings and essentially choose to vanish from our lives completely. These are people we once shared a common vision with. Love and care were what characterized these connections. How is it that our ex-partners can shift in such dramatic ways and not care at all about what they've done to us? Is this a universal human tendency? Well I guess the only real reason that I can see is that they fell out of love with us because what other reason is there to leave someone when it comes down to it? My ex broke up with me in a very hurtful way. He now acts as if he hates me. I'm not sure if I will ever hear from him again. He dumped me after 2.5 years together and I was sure he was the one I was going to marry. I was very sure he would never leave me. He purposely upset me by telling me something he knew would hurt me. Then when I cried over it he went on a rampage for about 8 hours calling me a fuc**** bitc* and then kicked me out of his house. He set me up and I haven't talked to him since. Never been so devastated in my life. He called me a couple of times but I didn't answer. I didn't answer for many reasons. I know it's over though and I wish he would at least have the decency to calmly explain his feelings an have no hard feelings. Altho I think being told any kind of explanation wouldnt make things easier. But I wish he would've at least been polite. Now it makes me feel like he hates me and resents our time together. I'm not sure why some do this.. Maybe it makes it easier on them? Maybe they have built up resentment and rage. Probably a combination of both in my situation.
georgia girl Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 The most healthy thing to remember is that there are no contracts in dating. In marriage, yes. In dating, no. In dating, you are getting to know each other. Truth is, you'll likely date many, many people but ultimately choose only one. So, it either ends or you get married. Odds are, it's going to end. And exes aren't always being cruel. Yes, what they have to say hurts desperately. The worst thing in the world to hear is that the one you love no longer cares for you in that same way. To be honest, I think the KINDEST thing an ex can do to someone is break up with them, be honest about their feelings and then go no-contact themselves. The truth is that they also don't want to be the bad guy, so they keep taking the phone call, randomly responding to the texts, keep you as a facebook friend, etc. And that only prolongs the pain. But dating isn't a contractual relationship. Expect it to end. Work to make it end in a healthy manner by controlling your own response to the end. Understand that there will be times when you break a heart and times when your heart gets broken and learn from your broken heart how to be kind when you're doing the breaking. Good luck. Healing is empowering. I promise. 3
flitzanu Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 The threads on this board are common to each and every person who has been through heartbreak. Why is it that those who we loved so dearly, all end up hurting us in such similar ways? There isn't one post I've read that hasn't had a similar type of outcome. Our significant others get to a point where they either want nothing to do with us, don't consider our feelings and essentially choose to vanish from our lives completely. These are people we once shared a common vision with. Love and care were what characterized these connections. How is it that our ex-partners can shift in such dramatic ways and not care at all about what they've done to us? Is this a universal human tendency? we like to believe the person we are dating is different, and not like the person they become, when in fact...they ARE that person, you just don't see it. ever try treating a total stranger the way you'd treat your gf/bf? they wouldn't like it, and would treat you poorly for it. your ex is now a stranger, they are no longer your partner, and therefore aren't there to appease or soothe your ego.
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 we like to believe the person we are dating is different, and not like the person they become, when in fact...they ARE that person, you just don't see it. ever try treating a total stranger the way you'd treat your gf/bf? they wouldn't like it, and would treat you poorly for it. your ex is now a stranger, they are no longer your partner, and therefore aren't there to appease or soothe your ego. No one said they should soothe your ego. That's not what the op was asking. If someone respects you in the slightest they should still treat you with respect when breaking up with you instead of treating you like crap. It's a matter of being a good person not trying to soothe your ego.
flitzanu Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 No one said they should soothe your ego. That's not what the op was asking. If someone respects you in the slightest they should still treat you with respect when breaking up with you instead of treating you like crap. It's a matter of being a good person not trying to soothe your ego. what part of you wants someone to treat you with respect?
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 My heart. It goes much deeper than the ego. The ego is already hurt bu being dumped in the first place. So you think it's perfectly acceptable to disrespect someone with name calling and yelling just because you want to break up with them? Just because they don't want to be with you anymore doesn't mean they have to resort to cruelty to get the message across. 1
Author J_L_C Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 My heart. It goes much deeper than the ego. The ego is already hurt bu being dumped in the first place. So you think it's perfectly acceptable to disrespect someone with name calling and yelling just because you want to break up with them? Just because they don't want to be with you anymore doesn't mean they have to resort to cruelty to get the message across. Orrrr....try to get you to sleep with them and when you refuse, he decides to masturbate in front of you while balling your eyes out.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 "Cruelty" makes it easier for me to move on personally. Lot easier to turn the page when the other person is acting like a jackass.
puzzled1 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 What ^^ said.... I would rather have something to hold on to while mourning.
Coping Vortex Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 we like to believe the person we are dating is different, and not like the person they become, when in fact...they ARE that person, you just don't see it. ever try treating a total stranger the way you'd treat your gf/bf? they wouldn't like it, and would treat you poorly for it. your ex is now a stranger, they are no longer your partner, and therefore aren't there to appease or soothe your ego. Well said and so very true. Who is this person? Where is the person I used to know? Cue the Gothe song.
Neffer Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Well.... You really need to take into account that this is a board for people who have been hurt. Sort of like getting a "horrible things I've done while drunk" story at an AA meeting. They are all going to have similarities. If this was science it would be called a flawed study. Just take it for what it is - advice...shared knowledge, pain, acceptance. There are really no universal truths, just similarities.
flitzanu Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 My heart. It goes much deeper than the ego. The ego is already hurt bu being dumped in the first place. So you think it's perfectly acceptable to disrespect someone with name calling and yelling just because you want to break up with them? Just because they don't want to be with you anymore doesn't mean they have to resort to cruelty to get the message across. i'd love everyone in the world to consider my heart and precious feelings, too. which is more likely to happen?
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 i'd love everyone in the world to consider my heart and precious feelings, too. which is more likely to happen? I see what you are saying, the dumper doesn't owe us anything. It just sucks that some choose to not treat the dumpee with a bit of respect. I do think it makes it easier for me to move on though. The last memories I have of my ex is him screaming at me to "pack my sh*t" and get out of his house. When I did nothing to deserve that. But like I said if he had been nicer about it it would probably be harder for me to move on.
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