strongerthancoffee Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Thanks ahead of time for clicking my forum since there are many to sift through. This was my first relationship and i need a help over the hurdle for starters, I am only in highschool, but i promise it isnt some silly little relationship story. i condensed it a LOT so many details are missing but hopefully the gist i there(this is still long so please bear with me ) The guy in question (for the sake of privacy, i will name Nathan), I met through a school extracurricular freshman year. he was a year older than me, and he was a little awkward and quiet but he made me laugh like crazy. That year we became good friends and he texted me everyday. he was the first person to ever want to talk to me so much, and i was happy for it. later on i found out through friend that he liked me, however being a freshman i wasnt really looking for a relationship and i just wanted to be friends. he had no knowledge of me knowing i knew he liked me, and i didnt want him or things to get awkward. I made it my responsibility to make sure things didnt get awkward between us and still give him enough space to get over me. i really treasured our friendship and didnt want it to spoil. later he told a friend he was over me. it was over for the next three years we were best friends. we had the same friend group, we texted constantly, almost everday and the whole day. this year, my junior his senior, we made more fun memories together. i found out from another friend he still liked me (all these time he actually did), and at first i was feeling the same way as back then but then i started to like him back. after taking me to the dance he asked me out. after we started going out he started telling me things like he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. this started happening right after he asked me out, and as my first relationship, i was scared. he kept telling me to say it to, and i did but then corrected myself later and told him i needed time to feel the same way. then we spent a week together on a school trip and it was great. after that trip things went downhill he kind of stop texting me, and i felt insecure because he wud still talk to his other freinds. he talked to a mutual freind of ours, Laura, everyday and even though i explicitly expressed bothered feelings, they didnt stop. their conversations were normal and random, but i still felt hurt he couldnt even talk to me like that anymore. However i didnt want to come off as the naggy, desperate girlfriend so even though it hurt I backed off them and gave him space. i thought thats what he wanted then i would try to talk to him all the time, and it didnt work. after one month of this happening, i called him to talk about it. he said he realized we hadnt really been talking either, but he realized he just lost the want to talk to me. he said he couldnt like me enough to fix the situation, and he broke up with me. he said he still wanted to be best friends, but it was hard. he seemed to care in school the next day but afterwards it was like nothing happened ive endured a month and a half of hell and self doubt and insecurites. i talked to him on many occassions about laura (thats a whole nother story but for the time being im pretty sure they dont like each other) and about what he means about being best freinds again. he says he wants to and hell try harder and he wants to have fun times again...but he never puts in the effort it seems. i miss when we could text everyday the whole day, and when he wanted to also. i want him to care again and although it seems needy and selfish, i just want to go back to the time we were best friends and talked everyday. i dont understand how to make him at least want that. time doesnt heal anything because when i gave him time before he just drifted...hes graduating this year i dont want to lose him to college, but i want him to remember the past three years of being best friends and want this again i miss our relationship too, but if being best friends and establishing that strongly is what i need to do first, then i need help with that. even though i have spoken to both of them many times i still feel insecure about nathan and laura too...though the breakup wasnt really surrounding them. im in tune with the fact i may just be jealous laura now has a kind of friendship with nathan that used to be mine...and i am desperately trying to get it back i feel like ill get but dont want the advice that time will tell if he wants you or wants to be best friends with you hell try himself. because that hasnt worked the past couple weeks. i dont want to pester him, but if i dont try i feel like nothing will happen. when laura started texting him in the beginning, it was all her talking...then he did. im trying that approach, though i fear it isnt working. how do i fix a best friendship with the boundaries of having a previous relationship with Nathan? And/or have this lead up to him liking and wanting me back?
flitzanu Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Thanks ahead of time for clicking my forum since there are many to sift through. This was my first relationship and i need a help over the hurdle for starters, I am only in highschool, but i promise it isnt some silly little relationship story. i condensed it a LOT so many details are missing but hopefully the gist i there(this is still long so please bear with me ) The guy in question (for the sake of privacy, i will name Nathan), I met through a school extracurricular freshman year. he was a year older than me, and he was a little awkward and quiet but he made me laugh like crazy. That year we became good friends and he texted me everyday. he was the first person to ever want to talk to me so much, and i was happy for it. later on i found out through friend that he liked me, however being a freshman i wasnt really looking for a relationship and i just wanted to be friends. he had no knowledge of me knowing i knew he liked me, and i didnt want him or things to get awkward. I made it my responsibility to make sure things didnt get awkward between us and still give him enough space to get over me. i really treasured our friendship and didnt want it to spoil. later he told a friend he was over me. it was over for the next three years we were best friends. we had the same friend group, we texted constantly, almost everday and the whole day. this year, my junior his senior, we made more fun memories together. i found out from another friend he still liked me (all these time he actually did), and at first i was feeling the same way as back then but then i started to like him back. after taking me to the dance he asked me out. after we started going out he started telling me things like he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. this started happening right after he asked me out, and as my first relationship, i was scared. he kept telling me to say it to, and i did but then corrected myself later and told him i needed time to feel the same way. then we spent a week together on a school trip and it was great. after that trip things went downhill he kind of stop texting me, and i felt insecure because he wud still talk to his other freinds. he talked to a mutual freind of ours, Laura, everyday and even though i explicitly expressed bothered feelings, they didnt stop. their conversations were normal and random, but i still felt hurt he couldnt even talk to me like that anymore. However i didnt want to come off as the naggy, desperate girlfriend so even though it hurt I backed off them and gave him space. i thought thats what he wanted then i would try to talk to him all the time, and it didnt work. after one month of this happening, i called him to talk about it. he said he realized we hadnt really been talking either, but he realized he just lost the want to talk to me. he said he couldnt like me enough to fix the situation, and he broke up with me. he said he still wanted to be best friends, but it was hard. he seemed to care in school the next day but afterwards it was like nothing happened ive endured a month and a half of hell and self doubt and insecurites. i talked to him on many occassions about laura (thats a whole nother story but for the time being im pretty sure they dont like each other) and about what he means about being best freinds again. he says he wants to and hell try harder and he wants to have fun times again...but he never puts in the effort it seems. i miss when we could text everyday the whole day, and when he wanted to also. i want him to care again and although it seems needy and selfish, i just want to go back to the time we were best friends and talked everyday. i dont understand how to make him at least want that. time doesnt heal anything because when i gave him time before he just drifted...hes graduating this year i dont want to lose him to college, but i want him to remember the past three years of being best friends and want this again i miss our relationship too, but if being best friends and establishing that strongly is what i need to do first, then i need help with that. even though i have spoken to both of them many times i still feel insecure about nathan and laura too...though the breakup wasnt really surrounding them. im in tune with the fact i may just be jealous laura now has a kind of friendship with nathan that used to be mine...and i am desperately trying to get it back i feel like ill get but dont want the advice that time will tell if he wants you or wants to be best friends with you hell try himself. because that hasnt worked the past couple weeks. i dont want to pester him, but if i dont try i feel like nothing will happen. when laura started texting him in the beginning, it was all her talking...then he did. im trying that approach, though i fear it isnt working. how do i fix a best friendship with the boundaries of having a previous relationship with Nathan? And/or have this lead up to him liking and wanting me back? he said he realized we hadnt really been talking either, but he realized he just lost the want to talk to me. he said he couldnt like me enough to fix the situation, and he broke up with me. that's what you need to focus on. he openly told you he doesn't feel that way and doesn't like you, and broke up with you. that should be your cue to move on and cut him out of your life. plus, whether you want to believe that your relationship goes beyond "high school" it doesn't. you will believe me in ten years, but i don't expect you to believe me now.
Author strongerthancoffee Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 thank you for replying, what you are saying is hard to accept, and it was hard to hear he lost interest after liking/being best friends with me for three years! thoughts on that? Also is it possible for us to be very close best friends again? i feel like he just dropped the past three years...and so how do i get him to want it back?
flitzanu Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 thank you for replying, what you are saying is hard to accept, and it was hard to hear he lost interest after liking/being best friends with me for three years! thoughts on that? Also is it possible for us to be very close best friends again? i feel like he just dropped the past three years...and so how do i get him to want it back? the things that are hardest to hear are the things you NEED to hear. there doesn't need to be any deep philosophical reason or behavior as to why he did it, he just chose to be with someone else. it's the same as you waking up one day and not wanting to eat cheeseburgers and wanting to eat chicken. people just want new experiences. if he's that fickle about the relationship, it's better that he's doing it now than further down the road...bc since he IS doing it now...he WOULD have done it in the future. you wouldn't have a stable relationship with this person. and there's no "getting him to want it back". he's the one that chose to leave, and he's the one that would have to change his feelings. you can't force someone to feel something, that's not in your power. and no, you being friends with him is the worst idea possible. he's not pining over you, so he won't care, and he'll still date other girls. you're going to be the one wishing him to change and staying miserable the whole time. 1
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